What every man should know….. Things to know about a woman!

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Things to know about women!

When she stare’s at your mouth!

[Kiss her!]

When she pushes you or hit’s you!

[Grab her and dont let go!]

When she start’s cursing at you!

[Kiss her and tell her you love her!]

When she’s quiet!

[Ask her whats wrong!]

When she ignore’s you!

[Give her your attention!]

When she pull’s away!

[Pull her back!]

When you see her at her worst!

[Tell her she’s beautiful!]

When you see her start crying!

[Just hold her and dont say a word!]

When you see her walking!

[Sneak up and hug her waist from behind!]

When she’s scared!

[Protect her!]

When she lay’s her head on your shoulder

[Tilt her head up and kiss her!]

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When she steal’s your favorite shirt!

[Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night!]

When she tease’s you!

[Tease her back and make her laugh!]

And when she is ornery!

[Hold her down and blow razz-berries on her belly!]

When she doesn’t answer for a long time!

[Reassure her that everything is okay!]

When she look’s at you with doubt!

[Back yourself up!]

When she say’s that she like’s you!

[She really does more than you could understand!]

When she grab’s at your hands!

[Hold her’s and play with her fingers!]

When she bump’s into you!

[Bump into her back and make her laugh!]

When she tell’s you a secret!

[Keep it safe and untold!]

When she looks at you in your eyes!

[Don’t look away until she does!]

When she misses you!

[She’s hurting inside!]

When you break her heart!

[The pain never really goes away!]

When she’s mad!

[Hug her tight and don’t let go!]

Call her at 12:00am!

[On her birthday to tell her you love her!]

Treat her!

[Like she’s all that matters to you!]

Stay up all night with her!

[When she’s sick!]

Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show!

[Even if you think its stupid!]

Give her!

[The world!]

Let her!

[Wear your clothes!]

Let her know!

[She’s important!]

Kiss her!

[In the pouring rain!]

When she runs up at you crying!

[The first thing you say is; “Who’s ass am I kicking today baby?”  and just hold her!]

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The how….

Quote:The most important, the primordial relationship in your life is your

relationship with the Now, or rather with whatever form the Now takes, that is to say, what is or what happens. If your relationship with the Now is dysfunctional, that dysfunction will be reflected in every relationship and every situation you encounter. The ego could be defined simply in this way: a dysfunctional relationship with the present moment. It is at this moment that you can decide what kind of relationship you want to have with the present moment.

The decision to make the present moment into your friend is the end of the ego. The ego can never be in alignment with the present moment, which is to say, aligned with life, since its very nature compels it to ignore, resist, or devalue the Now. Time is what the ego lives on.

The stronger the ego, the more time takes over your life. Almost every thought you think is then concerned with past or future, and you sense of self depends on the past for your identity and on the future for its fulfillment. Fear, anxiety, expectation, regret, guilt, anger are the dysfunctions of the time bound state of consciousness.

There are three ways in which the ego will treat the present moment: as a means to and end, as an obstacle, or as an enemy. Let us look at them in turn, so that when this pattern operates in you, you can recognize it and decide again.  E. Tolle The New Earth 2005!

What is stated here is simple, when you make a relationship out of time you will not be successful in seeing these things in her and she will need and want you to!  Thank you for reading, and love to you in this moment!

CK

Im Marrying a Cheater!!!

 

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As a Child I dreamed of this Connection, a love no other seemed to believe in, I would daydream about a connection so deep that you could feel physical manifestations of the other person, I dreamed and dreamed and when I spoke of this great love i was shot down,”your living in a fantasy world”. “there is no such thing, its only in dreams”. So thats where I kept it, in my dreams,,,,,, I married for 13 years, it was a “normal” marriage, I divorced dated, and then 2 years of self discovery ended me up in a new city with a brand new start and a fresh outlook on life, and then,,,,,, it all started.

 

I met him, when I saw him, my heart knew something was different, my soul awakened, my eyes were gazing upon the most beautiful man I have ever seen. We spoke and his voice consumed me, his written words were poetry to my ears. The first time my eyes saw him My heart stopped beating for seconds, I could not breathe, Ill nervier forget the fist sight, he was standing/leaning against the back of his car at a place we had agreed to meet at, he wore business attire which He wore so sexy, he was certainly easy on the eyes, I Immediately felt unworthy, I felt this beautiful man could not be here to meet me, but he was and I was falling all over myself. We talked to get to know one another, and time stood still.

 

Time after time he would call the numbers still are etched in my soul when they would show up on the caller Id, my heart raced, my palms would sweat. He had done something to me, we would make plans to meet, always at my place and I would get so excited, I would make sure to be home earlier to shower and prepare myself for THIS meet may be “the one” because every time we met there was ALOT of kissing and making out, and oh my when we kissed it lasted for hours,and well as ironic as it was HE would not “put out”. He never left me unsatisfied, the passion so strong so amazing so deep, however it seems I was on a “mission”.

 

Let me go back for a second and describe a kiss, a kiss I have written about, and he has written about, a kiss so deep, a kiss that awakened that ‘DREAM” I had kept inside of me, I saw inside of his soul, I saw him and I knew he could see me, I knew he he could see “ME”. That scared the shit out of me, why wouldn’t it, I had lived a very messed up life, I had a lot of skeletons in my closet and this fine specimen of a man had the key to the damn door! Let me explain how that feel for those of you who dont know,,,,Its like a serial killer who had a ton of “evidence” in his house and the police were knocking on the door,,,, That kiss made my heart do flips, made my stomach turn in excitement and fear combined. When he left that day I was glad he was gone but never wanted him to leave.

 

The visits became less and less and my “mission” was not complete,,,, and then i began to put together pieces like a puzzle in my mind. He had asked me not to call him as it was a business phone and he got “charged” for calls. He only ever contacted me during the day “business hours”, we only ever met during the day, and his e mails were mostly his writings, writings of sexual nature, fantasies he had in his head, stories of passion and lust and love at first I felt as if he had just copied and pasted them but later I knew they were his writings. I sat in a sinking feeling,,,, he MUST be married.

 

He called for a “visit” and what some would call a “booty call” but i wasn’t getting any “booty”, but THIS was the visit I was going to complete my “mission”, This man who had such a great impact on my soul, I knew was “shady” I know was lying, I had to put my DREAM, back inside of myself, lock it back up and just complete my mission,,,,,, always wondering WHY he would not go all of the way with me? Was i not good enough? Was I not sexy enough? Was I not worthy? Did he have a disease? Did he promise himself he would “play around” but never really go all of the way out of respect for his wife IF he had one? WHY???  What was the problem,,,, I asked him in an e mail, Are you HIV Positive? he laughed and said no im not, I have a clean bill of health,,, so the mission was reinstated,,,, and the visit came and through some really tough persuasion HE gave in to my “persuasion” and mission accomplished. When he was about to leave I looked into his eyes, something was different, something had changed in him, he left and I knew at that moment I would not be hearing back from him. I went on with my life so I thought, there were times I missed him, when the phone rang I would hope, I checked my e mail,, nothing, The only breakdown I had was one fall day,,September 26th 2005,

 

I had confronted him in e mail about his lies,days before, explaining to him what i saw,,, all the signs of a married man,,,,his response was another “fantasy” written out, he avoided my comments and my questions, he was exposed so divert my attention he “thought” he would grab my attention with another writing, I was livid, i was angry, I was hurt and I drove, I drove out to a place very special to me, a Big deck over a lake in a State park, a Deck my Grandpa and my Father had a part in building as a “Community service” project. I went out there often, and although it had been rebuilt a couple of times since then I still feel the craftsmanship my Grandfather put into everything he did. I got there, the wind was chilly, it was almost dark, I listened to the squirrels run around in the leaves, I saw a rabbit, I was a fish jump in the water and I began to cry, I began to scream out loud,,,, WHY ARE YOU LYING TO ME? WHY ARE YOU SO DIFFERENT? WHY CANT I STOP FEELING YOU?? WHO ARE YOU AND WHY DID YOU COME INTO MY LIFE? I HAVE HAD ENOUGH HURT I DONT NEED YOURS!!! IF YOU CAN FEEL ME STOP LYING TO ME AND COME TO ME,,, EXPLAIN THIS FEELING I HAVE EXPLAIN WHY I CAN SEE INSIDE OF YOU!!!  COME BACK TO ME SO WE CAN FIGURE THIS OUT,,,,,  CAN YOU HEAR ME,,,,, I screamed until my throat hurt and I felt as if my tears would flood the lake, I watched as they hit the water down below and I felt as if I was fighting a losing battle, The Universe had played a very bad trick on me.

 

From that moment on everything with his was a game to me, I just knew he was different, the way he touched me, the way he spoke to me, they way he looked at me, the way we connected.

I had to let it go, I had to put this awakening feeling back inside of me, and I did, and i eventually went on with my life and I was right that was the last time I saw him, The time I was able to “complete mission”.The e mails got fewer and fewer. I did not need all that in my life, I met someone else and got engaged, and then out of nowhere a YEAR later a message,,,,A simple how are you doing message and then come everything flooding inside of me,,,HOWEVER  attached with those feelings were hurt and doubt, and A lot of doubt inside of me,,, wait if I can still have “these” kinds of feelings for someone else how could I marry someone? I was a mess inside and it was really all his fault!! Why did he come back into my life?

 

For months we met and talked and time stood still, but this was different as I was on a path of self destruction, it was me against everyone who had ever hurt me, and I grew into something just as bad as I felt he was, He was trying to stand in his truth, trying I say because he was not but I was getting answers, and I loved being in his presence It awakened me further, and the darkness got deeper as I knew he could see me so I had to find deeper places to hide it. I found out that my suspicions were warranted,he was married, however he had not lived with his wife for years, but had lived with someone else for nearly 9 years, so he had a wife AND a live in girlfriend, funny thing though he was still sleeping with his wife,and was lying to her and telling her he loved her and she had hung on for him all those years, all the while living another life with someone else,, and me well I was only one of MANY, he had on the side of his wife and live in girlfriend,in my eyes at that time he was a gorgeous, sexy, womanizing player! But I loved him, however so did many others, I found out he was sending them all the same “fantasies” all the same deep writings, all the ‘lines” only 1 thing was different,,, He would not be intimate with me in entirety. He was living out fantasy in each and every  woman he was with looking for different pieces of his puzzle, looking for something different in each one, he was looking for “himself”. He was hurting so many, and the big picture was the hurt he was doing to himself,,,

I watched him go through a change so deep, I watched as he confessed everything to me, I let him cry, I loved this man, I realized at this moment I was deep in love with him, but my mind would tell me over and over there was ALOT of women in love with this man! All I could do was be his friend, and go on with my life, so I was his friend and i stayed his friend as I watched him cry and confess and do it again to another woman and again to another one, and I watched as he witnessed me “feeling” his pain, I watched him and loved him as his wounds were deep, and his change was hard, he was lost. I knew I could never be with him really,,,Once a Cheater always a Cheater right??? We would confess our love for one another and we would in turn hurt one another.

 

I knew I could never really “be” with a man like this, I could never trust him, I cold never believe in him, again once a Cheater,,,,I married and it was a lie, I was not in love with him, I loved him, But I was not in love with him, I did it out of hurt,I just wanted to be loved and be the “only” one in someones life, and I knew I would have this from this man, I didn’t want to live a life of non trust, already we were connected though I could not deny that, however he would confess his love for me and the same night I could FEEL him with someone else. The Pain was hard to handle, it was unbearable, So perhaps marrying someone else was a way to throw that pain back at him, In turn I realize I was hurting a lot of people as well, I had become him, he just didn’t know it!

 

My Marriage was a mess, no wonder, I was in love with someone else and we communicated daily, We remained friends, as my marriage fell apart, In a night of hurt and to much alcohol I slept with my husband who I was already estranged from, and we conceived,,, I met with my friend and he is the one who told me i was pregnant he could see it in me. It was true, So I was living a lie with a man who I was about to have a child with, and he was still sleeping with others, still lying to his wife, and his live in girlfriend. At one point he had told me to just “come on” just come and be with him and he would raise my child as his own and we would just be in love,,, I thought about it over and over and after an argument with my husband I left and went to him, when i got to his home before I got to the door, I saw in the window and he was in an embrace with his girlfriend and they kissed, i never knocked i went him to my husband, it was what it was, we loved one another deeply but the hurt was to much, but I TRUSTED my husband and I needed that !

 

My friend and I barely spoke during my pregnancy we e mailed a bit and spoke on messenger a bit, but the communication was no where near as before,, He sent my son a gift in the mail and

we just remained friends,,,and just as fast as communication diminished it picked backup again, only this time it was a bit different he was different and I could see something about to happen, I wasn’t sure what. We met and we were “together” only this time beautiful and it was life changing and I knew he was someone I could never be without even if not physically, we were spiritually connected, we loved one another and it was evident.

 

 

We got closer and closer and I knew he was still lying and seeing others, this player was good, I had dealt with a “couple” of the women he hurt and they told me the same stories, “he said that to me too, yes he told me that too!”  uggg this man was toxic!!  and then,,,His mother was found very ill, and I watched him as he lost his mother, it was a very painful time for him, I just remained his friend, I went to the service, sat in the very back row, I just wanted him to know  I was there for him, I didn’t stick around, I left directly after. I saw him the next week and I saw something in him I had not seen before, It was different ! He cried to me, he broke down and the next few months were hell. i watched him die, I watched him split, I watched him fight and struggle, he was honest with his girlfriend who had since moved out, he actually told her he was deeply in love with me and he was direct.

 

He then went through something really really amazingly painful but so beautiful! He was honest with his wife and he started the process of divorce, my husband had long since moved out and finally just simply asked me “why aren’t you with him?” Did I mention my ex husband is a great man? SO we did it we made a go of it but did I trust him?? HELL NO!  when he stated he was in a meeting I requested a “picture” of this said meeting and he always accommodated and he understood!  What we had not addressed was the skeletons I had in my closet!  at this point he was standing COMPLETELY in his truth,he was COMPLETELY honest with HIMSELF and with me about every aspect of his past and his life.

 

We lived together until MY skeletons began to come out and why would he stay with me after all he had been though why would he stay with me he was honest with me he deserved my honesty and i never gave it to him, we separated and he forgave me and we reconnected and it happened again months later and again he forgave me and we reconnected and again, it happened again and he left me, this time for good, I saw it in him, he tried to connect with someone else as did I, I went through the same pain he went through I had to find myself, I had to fall in love with MYSELF, I had to go not my pain.

 

Now as we are both in our truth from this 9 year Journey,, we have been back out to that deck together numerous times, He proposed to me on that deck, standing in the very same place I was screaming for him at, tears fell from both of our eyes in the same water. I am in love with this amazing man and I get to spend the rest of my life with him, We share EVERYTHING we hide nothing from one another, we share a cell phone, we share emails, we share face books, we are together nearly always and when we are not, those very same butterflies I felt in 2005, i feel today when he calls from the store, when he sends me a message from Face book when im sitting right next to him.

 

I trust this man with everything i have in me, I trust him in every aspect! I trust he will never lie to me, I trust I am and always will be his one and only, I trust everything he Says to me. I believe in him, I believe in the Business we have created out of our story and out of what the universe has asked us to do, I believe in myself, I believe our running and chasing was a lesson and our experiences have already changed lives.

 

I sit in awe of this AMAZINGLY gorgeous man everyday of my life, I watch him walk and I smile I watch him type on the computer and I feel lucky, I watched him sleep just last night and I cried, He really is a genuine person, he’s gorgeous, he’s incredibly sexy, he’s honest, he’s true, he’s loving, he’s romantic, he’s passionate,hes kind, he’s generous, hes giving, he provides for us, he’s a wonderful father, he’s compassionate,and he loves me unconditionally and I love him unconditionally, I love him for what he’s been through, what we have been through, and the universe is now allowing us to teach from it.  The honeymoon stage is never ending, inside of me I still have those “forever” butterflies. The dream inside of me is awake and WE ARE LIVING IT! Relationship Reinvented was born from this connection.

 

The old Quote “Once a cheater always a cheater”  could be true, My cheater, CHEATED CHEATING do you understand that????,By going inside of the root of WHY he was choosing those actions, WHY he was hurting people. He went INSIDE, he in a sense took his own life,HE CHEATED CHEATING! and I have this wonderful man in my life, he is still a cheater, he cheated his pain out of staying alive, he cheated his story out of Defining him, He cheated everyone who knows him out of being able to say, “hes still the same old guy” “believe me he’s still lying and cheating”, anyone who knows him now and knows him then is no longer able to say that because they can see it in him! They can see by his actions and his energy that part of him no longer exists. He has cheated that quote out of being true!!   I was on that deck on September 26th or 2005 screaming for him,,,, and I will be back on that deck September 26th of this year Marrying this Cheater and I am the Luckiest Woman in the World!

I Love You Clark Kent

Love Lois

 

The Human Condition of connection!

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The Human Condition….

 

It always has been a question of can I be connected to someone who is not who I am.. This comes in the forms of! Can I be connected to someone who is a different color, different religion, the same sex, an opposite eye color, different age, on the other side of the earth, etc…

Why did this happen or was it something you didn’t pose to look at from outside the human condition?

The human condition is to not see from the eyes of what is different from you, but rather experience the vibration and what it wants you to see from without seeing it from the human existence we have been told to see from. Where on earth are we told not to pay attention to our history, our future, never truly directing us to our present moment which is all we have!

If you are to experience this connection without thinking in presence, you would be headed in the right direction. This connection doesn’t see in those ways, it actually sees from beyond it, all deeply within it deeply in this moment!

It has a vibration frequency all it’s own. It knows of itself as the one soul coming back into what split in the way that it did. If you were to see a big huge ball of energy and it split and then one would say go into a rock and the other into a Steel ball. As it would become separate from it’s original source it would still know it is connected to something beyond its new form so to speak.

Yet when it comes into the frequency of itself by seeing each other or being in the same space without time it would know that it was connected directly no matter what the cover or shell looks like.

It happens much like this in what we experience in this world! Connection doesn’t know what it is by what the outside characteristics are, but it does know what it is from the inside. It knows itself. It knows if it comes from the place where it was connected to be one. Notice the word here “One” It is not that it becomes whole without the other, it is whole in any case. The once combined energy or soul knew what it was without any distinction of what it was or is in the now! It knows something more impactful, it knows home!

Home has no dominion and has no need to be explained here. Only it knows itself and is most in it’s depth of inner peace which needs no expression. The emotional response is the human condition which is able to elect unconditional peace without the human condition attached.
So if you are in question of what you are in connection, don’t go into the condition of human, go into the unconditional truth of knowing. This is what the unknown traveller (soul spark) in it calls to within you. The knower in you knows that you are to experience the human condition, yet it doesn’t need to make it the soul truth of knowing. Your knower knows this more so when you go into your knowing knows this! Due to the worldly human condition we experience that makes us so justified in judgment of what we are in human, the souls only presence is to be silent until we all see into our truth the gravitational pull to know within our knower is this has never had anything to do with anything being different, whether in sight, smell, taste, touch, hear and mainly your six sense of knowing! Enduring the challenges of mind interacting with mind and how it spawned ego to keep us chasing a dream state that says we can be connected. You are connected in your truth. Which if you have been on this site and gone into’s it’s depth you have found not just your truth which this was placed here for you to find. It was placed here to point you deeper into your knowing.

So can your twin flame, your soul mate, or any other measurement in connection be something of someone different! Of course the vibration itself is the answer not what your mind makes of it, but how it awakens the traveller within you in knowing to seek deep inside yourself to place you in standing in your truth.

Love deeply,

Your soul!

Trust in your life? Healing series March week 3 2014

When-Trust-is-BrokenWhat is trust if you don’t have it in your life? or what if it is broken?

 

As a child I always trusted in everything, as I did this it was abandoned in nature, I cried a lot, not because I was abandoned by anyone in truth, but because my thought process betrayed me and I trusted that it would.

 

No matter how deep you see into what you experience, or did experience, or what is to experience, you will lose something in yourself that doesn’t keep you planted in yourself.  You can feel the trust escape in this way.  You trust you will experience everything that is harmful to your being human..

 

Being human…. How do you trust being human when you trust in a way that is only going to give you what you ask for in trust.   You trust you will be alone, you trust that you will be enraged, you trust that you will be without, and then all of that manifest itself to give you what you asked for in the first place.

 

When you say you just want to be happy do you trust this? Do you just go into the present moment and elect in trust to be happy?  Do you feel trust is always a moment away or that it was something you had back then?  What is trust defined as?

 

As a noun it is ….. a firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.

 

As a verb it is….. Believe in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of.

 

Although it seems it is action, it is an energy!  How does trust become energy, really go into this here for this is the awakener that we found we didn’t even pay close enough attention to as we thought we were losing our minds.  When you lie inside you then become immersed in what that lie is not protecting, it is not protecting you or protecting those that love you.  You hurt inside because of this and you don’t trust what the truth can give you!

 

Let me give you something that I trusted inside myself.. and you tell me what choices you would have made.  I trusted that I was always going to get hurt by others, I trusted they were hearing me, but not listening.

 

Even the core of why I found myself which this inside my deep love I have for the love of my life, made statements to me, to challenge my trust to challenge, what I was feeling.  “My love is even a part of this, she said to me “Clark! You are up here!  And the rest of us are down here!”

 

This was said to me over and over as I had started to find my awakening.  It hurt, not because I thought I was higher or embracing a higher self, or lower self than what was outside me to now be awakened by interactions,  but because I was waking up rapidly and my trust was expanding inside me. The things that were said would hurt me, and I would think in ego to become quite frustrated.  Not seeing it was ego in hurt, as a defense of trust saying, I couldn’t be heard… and I trusted it completely. I trusted I would be better off keeping my awaking to myself in silence.  I tried to contain what I was going through, I tried to explain what the pain was inside of me, and as I continued on my path I realized I wasn’t doing anything with the trust in what I was experiencing an allowed myself to trust in completely.

I did realize that I couldn’t see higher or lower, all I could see was what was within… I trusted what I was experiencing in that moment as I do now.. What was in that, what is seen as higher is unattainable what is seen as lower is easier to go to, yet it gives you the outside view of the truth.  What could I trust by finding what most call the higher self.. I trusted that going inside was the truth to what this was. I trusted that the answers coming from me where the truth about this thing that most need to attain to be.

 

I didn’t need to come to a higher way of thinking, I went into A inner part of being.

 

I could see that this was there as a truth to be something more, it was the undiscovered places inside of us that we aren’t paying attention to, to trust.   I trusted in my own pain, I trusted I needed to go into the pain to see what it was,

 

I trusted in my desire to find the depth of love, only to realize it goes deeper than we can see cause we are beings of trust, who trust out, not trust in!  If you haven’t seen the connection to how you trust in yourself vs what you trust outside yourself,

 

What would you trust in you as a human being here to dive into something within you that calls to you?

 

Well Clark, how does one go to a path no one is talking about doing?

 

How much attention is paid to how you trust your heart will keep beating in this moment? How much love is that capable of to do that very thing?

 

To answer the simple question, What is trust if you don’t have it in your life? This question is false in you…

 

You trust that you can read this and you do! You trust you will get to something and you do!  You trust your heart will continue to give you unconditional love and it does, for you wouldn’t be able to read this right now and say wait a minute do I trust deeper than I think.

 

The answer is YES!

 

Your knowing knows this, and it trust it will wake you to the depth that what you say in words will not impact the unconditional love your heart will give you when you stop and pay close attention even the pain that can be felt from thinking will lessen when you focus the energy of trust that your heart is giving you in all moments.

 

Isn’t that the source of where trust derives from in the first place?

 

 

Isn’t it the source of all?

 

Love deeply,

 

Clark

Powerful awakening of what happens to our core when we trust inside ourselves!  Watch below!

Healing Series wrap up Feb 2014 Pain and Suffering…

What does your pain tell you about yourself?

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Over these past two months we have explored in depth the abandonment and pain..  All of which are suffering.  How does this pain show up in your existence even if you think you are over it?  If you are ignoring the inner child who knows love and gives love all the time it is seen as this is your sense of self as well!  As we grow with thinking, somehow we see pain is outside of us, we create a barrier of lies that keeps the inner child from ever being heard by others and ourselves…  This creates darkness.. this creates a way of seeing into the world through the eyes of pain losing our innocence. Is your innocence ever lost?  The truth is NO, for the inner child is the light… is this not the truth?  It is never lost just the protection of pain is masking it.  You will love from there, but not the same as you did if you let go and embraced this depth that we are speaking of… When is the last time you saw someone 80 years old and could look in their eyes and see the child in them?  Do you see how pain has kept us from ourselves where it is supposed to bring you back to yourself to this child inside?

 

Let’s go to the depth of what we are showing you in just this awakening of what the soul has endured and what the soul is as a core to your being.  As you have experienced this inside yourself the thinking mind would tell you that you are damaged, and you are in pain and who would want you, as you are running from yourself in pain, thus abandoning, suffering and keeping the child safe from pain so you seek pain in everything without seeing that you are calling to it by stepping in front of the inner child to show the world the pain… When we allow the child to be seen in small amounts it will call to love but when love is interrupted by thought again the child is hidden or what we call protective energy which is the lie….  This is the same as saying I will not accept this about myself and surely no one would want me as well, and thus making it possible to not ever see your inner child’s arms extended inside darkness for you to embrace the inner being(child).  This gives a permission for this type of energy to find you without your knowing.  You are without seeing that you are creating the energy of pain and suffering as a means to abandon yourself.  How could you.. the pain is to great.. We are taught to run from pain early on.. Rather than see the truth about what pain is there to birth within you.  The truth about this pain and suffering is that it does have energy to take you away from yourself, this happens 99% of the time in human, we are used to it and keep it as a measurement of our value and don’t seek wholeness in it.  Yet, In truth when you go into the pain you are able to find your inner child to see the truth about the pain.  This is the great awakener that pain wants you to find in the first place… The teacher becomes the student in these eyes that the child can see clearly!

 

I know it seems impossible, but let’s see it as truth for this moment.  In that, what you don’t experience in giving love to the self without the conditions of pains creating are holding the inner child in your knowing of love hostage.  Your mind will create the most profound energy in pain to keep you from the child within the self from being embraced and loved more deeply.  Signs of this are the words within the story you will have to keep you from yourself from the inner child that is being protected.

 

I was infected by the pain body of protection before, I wanted to point outside me to my pain, where the illusion was just that, an illusion of lies that this pain was on going!

 

The only way to embrace what is in your view of pain is that you must go into the pain of yourself to see the inner child with arms stretched out to grab, hold and love you without the mind… The story is only as strong as it’s story teller….  And the mind becomes stronger in the story to keep you from yourself from your inner child which is protected from the ego or mind you are infected with.

 

This ego…. well to see inside the thought process of the ego is what no longer needs to be seen cause it won’t let you embrace a story how could it?    This has such a powerful truth!  That what ever pain is ailing you… you were abandoned, you were left to come up with something inside and now your sense of self seeks purpose running from the pain.  What if your sense of self didn’t seek purpose in the outside of what pain is.. and went inside the pain to find the truth?

 

As a runner and then a chaser and then a runner, the purpose of seeing either is always causing a great pain..  What is gathered in this pain is much like the knock at the door we can do in the world yet inside it is to the inner child in you that wants you to just come in and embrace this child as much as it seeks this outside where the pain will be created into suffering… The ego or mind will then translate what the pain means by the catalog of past or reminders of what pain is and keep you deadlocked never acquiring any truth to this.  The lies of what we say then always point to something inside.. This is where the truth is really.

 

Here is something to ask yourself to lead you to the truth…  My pain is very powerful it is deep…  If I go inside of my pain what is in there?   If a vision of a child with arms extended comes to you or even brings you to tears it is you that is in there waiting with arms stretched to be able to embrace yourself.   How else do you finally birth what the pain is trying to show you if you are seeking outside… trust that you will get more of the same gradually becoming greater until this is what you need to do.. This pain will grow and grow.. but the energy of that pain will never truly be able to be something you can embrace.. You will suffer some more and then more will give you more of the pain… and the knocking of pain in your heart will be greater… This can bring you to death in some cases… How else do you think your way into a heart attack or a physical pain that breaks down the human body… The soul of the spark that is the inner child is trying to get you to merge into it.. To embrace it, to be at one with the truth that you can’t abandon yourself any longer… When this happens within yourself something is rebirthed or birthed into the world of form… This is the same as dying… you die to the thoughts that kept you from paying attention to your breathing, your animated nature in being!

 

 

The caterpillar becomes the butterfly…  The butterfly is the truth.. it even will take a few days to take flight depending on the crying that the butterfly did inside and it’s wings are wet… How is this not something we didn’t see until we experienced this as we did as twins…

 

The mirror is not what you see in residual it is what you see in truth.

 

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What a twin gives you is what you are already doing to yourself!

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How deep and powerful is this that you have now removed the story that has kept you from the inner child.   We are human but we are something greater inside that sparks this human existence..  This path leads you to this.. it is the truth where true change can happen to you.. not happen to another… This has always been your purpose.. To remove thinking and be a inner child in a more mature no thinking existence..  What pain has taught you in thinking has kept you from yourself.. The truth about what you are inside is not found through pain but in the center of it.

 

As you think about your pain do you see it clearly? Do you truly see the truth about your into me see.. That is INTIMACY in power of what you are when you embrace the inner child through the pain and realize on the other side you see into nature of energy that you are and see more fully.

 

Awaken to this truth.. for the pain in you has always been given the choice to embrace this within you.  If you stand and hold this child inside of the light of the child you will cry and will cry some more.  Yet as a being of love who is now connected to the truth of where yin and yang derived from.. How could you not take a look at your pain and see inside to see if you are embracing this child within you!

 

Pain is a great teacher… the greatest teacher that we have made into a disease.. when in pain the voice in the head keeps us from this pain as a means to keep us blind from seeing the child inside that endures this as a tragedy… This lie is only once removed when you are inside giving this love into the self for the self to feel connected to the wholeness you are without thinking…

 

Our Inner child has such a beauty to birth.. You do this one painful thought at a time.. as yourself what pain will I embrace within myself today and what will be seen is your embracing this inner child within you give you.. It is how we reverse the polarity of beauty in pain and truth in pain that love truly flourishes within itself.  You are love dear soul.. you are love dear human…  This healing is available to you in the NOW….

 

We have seen many birth through this… as Geiger counters to the truth you will no longer run from yourself in pain.. for that pain is always going to give you an open door to the truth of the embrace in love your inner child who loves unconditionally can give you.. when this happens unconditional love glows brighter that you ever imagined..  All creativity rises beyond the mind.. not inside of it.. so in this take this as the moment you have as it is the truth about pain and suffering.. Given is in the permission of abandonment that we are taught by thinking.  YOU never saw this coming… you never will… the mind creates this blind eye as protection.. yet protection from what exactly? Your pain should not be a mystery any longer… Believe in you to see you from that place inside that is holding arms out to create the same explosion in energy that love creates.

 

Love deeply,

 

Clark

The Story of Pain…. Healing Series Pain & Suffering!

I-Am-PhrasesThe Story and the Story teller…..

 

 

How do we keep the pain alive?  Even to nurture it is found in what we do when we experience pain and start to replay the story of how that pain was endured..  This pain is residual pain that is there as a means to create the space for suffering.. the suffering is the only way this can be the nurturing factor of pain.

 

When we are alone for example the role in which we play is the victim in this the result of the story that we are going to endure a happy beginning and a very painful ending.. Is this your story? Is this what you do to keep the pain alive?  We make statements of not being loved and replay a mental movie to make this true.  What does this energy do that is created in the story in the world of form?  What does it give you?  It gives you the pain you endured and sometimes it is amplified more because we now have this as our lie to keep the pain alive…

 

What if the story was rewritten, not in what your mind tells you about the story that is, but in your being of truth in being which is no story at all.. Just a moving truth in energy!

 

We asked the question who would you be without your pain…  The pain is only a pain.. it births you into being more awake… When you experience pain why add the story to what that pain is to keep the pain alive?  If you identity your pain with a story.. this creates the story to keep the pain which is what is called suffering…  When you suffer it is because of the story of pain.. Is this not a fact?

 

When you watch someone in pain.. Watch as the witness of the pain get greater in the story they share with you.. Many of times this happen’s and we don’t stop to see the suffering and not extend a hand to hold them when they do.  The story will lessen somehow, not because we didn’t listen but because we did so and absorbed this within them and take this within yourself. This to can either keep the story alive for them or give them a different view of the story because you accepted them and their pain threw it!

 

iamBeing vulnerable to allow someone this release of the story is never going to end the story teller in any of us, only we have the power to do this.  We do this by choice, we do this by breaking the conditions that were met to end the story for the story teller in the mind to continue.  The ego is a brilliantly beautiful story teller.  It directs you in a way that keeps this story alive within you.  The core of the story is not pain anymore it is residue of the pain that is already within you.  Scraping the bottom of the barrel of pain to the place where the words once said were in place to endure the consequences of a past pain to keep for later.  This residue is the spots we have that remove any chance of pure light and keep us in the dark of our story to keep hidden from the world.  The world is going to evolve to make sure this dark reach of the universe within you sees pain.. a pain that is no more true as it is that time stands still.  If you see this your mind will say yes but…  yes but is a lie you are telling inside to save some for later.. The path undefined is the path to what you would be without your pain in truth.  It is how you remove time, being timeless is the only cure for the story to end… For time is what is in place for the mind to catalog any story to bring it back to you when it seeks the self in pain.

 

This databank is corrupted… ever reinstalled software that came corrupted, or what about erased the hard drive to start a new… This is the end of any story right?  Who told you that you can’t erase the hard drive… How beautiful does your machine run if this is you in every moment?  To include this one!

 

 

Love deeply,

 

Clark

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Healing series!

My dear Past,

OUTATIME-carMy dear PAST,

I am writing you this letter so you can keep it close to you to understand why I am leaving you, you have given me second guesses, you have made life with others tolerable, and you have always given me the perfect reason to hide myself from others who didn’t deserve it!

I wanted to also inform you that because I will not be with you any longer I am going to accept the present moment more fully as my committed partner for existence here.  You always didn’t like the present moment and I get it, the present moment is a very sexy thing to try and compete with.  I know this will be hard for you and I hope that some day you will understand that it wasn’t you! IT WAS ME!

I just couldn’t be the man you wanted me to be repeatedly. It made me hard to understand, it gave me excuses to have pain that I would inflict on others. I just didn’t feel that was right of you to do that!  I had many affairs on you, I would sneak and meet someone and not hold their past against them and they wouldn’t hold my past against me (hell there were times you told me it was ok to keep it from others).  Then somehow, someway you would convince me to sleep with you again.  That wasn’t right. I did eventually leave them for you. Cause you were just to intoxicating for me to remove from myself.  I do want you to know I have released you from any alimony or child support. In other words you no longer have to pay for trips back down memory lane that will make me make a decision to endure your kind of pain. Cause my future will remain unknown to me.  Me and the present moment have spoken to this in great lengths. It is again not about you… IT IS ABOUT ME. I just realized it!  The present moment also said that I could not have any affairs with a little part of you or the future. So I know that this was a trying message to read.  But I thought I would leave a few things for you to realize going forward in the terms of the restraining order.

1) You are not allowed to come into my life to try and tell me what is going to happen, you must remain more than a mile away from me at all times.

2) Any lie you hear me tell myself about love, you are not allowed to come in and give it validity.

3) Anger, resentment, punishment, are mine to take in that moment as I take it, it will not build!  You have a restraining order PAY ATTENTION TO NUMBER 1 RULE!

4) You under no condition will try and tell me what love is or what it isn’t!  Your the past you can’t possible know what love is in this moment. Hence why I am leaving you for THE PRESENT MOMENT!

5) Don’t try to surface telling me I will be more protective and guarded of myself and my experiences that are in the present moment with you around. You aren’t psychic so stop claiming to be you have a catalog of history be a history teacher not a present moment connoisseur. I am not going to believe it to repeat it!

6) YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!  THE PRESENT MOMENT GAVE YOU YOUR TERMINATION PAPERS! READ IT AND GET TO STEPPING!

7) I believe I can fly without you, in other words you clipped my wings for long enough with your ability to tell me who I was with repeated memories of pain and more pain. My wings got weighted down with tar thanks to you.  NO MORE!

8) You are not allowed to use my mind against me. You can not find a way in manipulating things that i currently doing trying to show me all the different scenarios of what is to come based on results that were in the past.  Again this isn’t about you! It’s about ME!

9) You are not allowed to find a pathway into dreams, into day or night or other. It isn’t that I don’t love you completely I do in fact hence why I am letting you go completely.

10) Don’t take my love for granted, it will grow now because of your absence. It will realize there never had to be a limit and it will heal in your absorption of love I have inside me to make me the man she needs and wants. The present moment sends love your way, that you will find peace.

These are the guidelines for this divorce and I know you will have no choice to but to abide my wishes as it would show me how much you don’t love me by breaking these rules!

Wishing you luck finding another to pursue this with,

Clark Kent Esq.

Addiction to Abandonment…

 

giving-back

Dear Clark,

I do things for others from the kindness of my heart, its not that I expect anything in return, I have always been a giving person.
This is most probably from an ego prospective…but I have been poorly recently, and my family have shared their views with me regarding the fact that my twin never seems to support me or see if im ok, they do not understand how someone who loves me is never there….its hard to explain to the people I love about the dynamics of the relationship without them thinking i am justifying or defending him.

 

My mother has told me that I deserve more than this, that Its almost as if I am still single and part of me feels that…I read your blog the other day about ‘not knowing who I am anymore’ and I completely resonated with what you wrote about lois and how she felt, it was as if I had wrote that.. however I cant run from him, I cant end the relationship…I cant hurt him because I would be hurting myself, and I know that there is a purpose for this . It seems once again we are on a separation period…there has been no ego triggers…all he has said is…that he’s angry and he doesn’t know why…I accept this, I never never wish to control him…that isn’t love to me. I dont chase him. Regarding the separation periods…will they ever end? I know I am such a beautiful person,although my ego gives me a battle about this sometimes.  The one person I find it hard to communicate with is my twin…I think he finds it hard too so thats why we end up physically not being together. I know he doesn’t wish to hurt me and I dont want to hurt him either. Can you explain a little more about the addiction to abandonment part please?

 

 

Clark: As an infant my father seldom held me, he seldom even played with me or spoke with me, he stared at me for the most part. Never sharing what he was feeling or what he must have been thinking.  As I grew 6 years later he stopped coming home not saying a word, nothing for my birthday, thanksgiving yet christmas he arrived..  Still very few words about what he was feeling was something I was unable to experience.  As I continued to grow I was able to gravitate to the sadness and the depth of love my mother could feel yet had words that wanted to find a logic in it.  As thinking became my way of existence I wasn’t able to clearly think, just feel.  This gave my mind the permission as it were to abandon myself.  Yes I said this correctly.  As we abandon ourselves and what we feel, we now have found an off button to pain.  A pain that we seek answers to.  When the answers aren’t available, we will abandon ourselves, some will do so in acts of drinking, drugs, and I am sure you can imagine a few others.  This state of being is a way of existing.  You can’t be what you don’t have someone there to see them do it, so you find a path mind driven with a mind result.  This leaves your feeling in a state of uncertainty.

 

I made my father not being in my life about him where in fact, in his existence it was not about me.. It was about him not having a father in his existence to show him how to be a father.  It sounds like a simple fix but it becomes driven in the mind to place a lie inside of the place to become the addiction to repeat the suffering rather than embrace it to not know if it can be healed.  Under this embracing in thinking is that it is going to end you, in a way the mind makes it to painful to endure the truth in needs more statements.  This is when the addiction is created keeping you from the truth.

 

The truth about addiction is that it is covering up your pain.. It wants the root to be protected! Where the root is actually what can heal you if you stop thinking long enough to see what the truth wishes to show you.

 

As an identity to ego, suffering needs this as food.. In this case you are clearly asking for the ego to no longer be in place for him, his ability to give you something he has not experienced in energy is not his doing but rather his ego’s need for survival.  For him to tell you that he doesn’t know what to say or that he says nothing is how he has food for suffering.  You see this suffering as your own.. and in some ways it is, it has a familiar energy to it.  The addiction to pain was created in this condition.  Yes condition is the word, as if the condition wasn’t inside you both, it would not point to be broken to become unconditional.

 

His truth could be that he will leave you because in him within his very first unconditional love experience he was left without this as well.  So doing it to you before you can do it to him is his suffering.  It doesn’t have anything to do with you it was something he was placed here to change in purpose.  Energy is not complicated only how we translate it inside the mind is that it becomes complex or complicated.

 

So as you try and make excuses for him realize it is only adding to his suffering as well as your own.  The root is protected in ego and it in truth has nothing to do with running or chasing it has to do with not standing in your truth!  Pain lives on it darkness it can’t survive in the light.. This is the only cure to addiction and abandonment!

 

 

 

Friend: I am stumped by what you have wrote, my father was very much the same towards me. last night it occurred to me that I was conditioned to believe that I was never going to amount to anything. This belief I have carried around with me, when things have become tough in my life…I would always have this horrible feeling raise up that I was always doing wrong and it would eat me up, to the point where I didn’t want to be here anymore. I would feel like a failure, what do i do with knowing this now? Clark is the healing process about changing our belief system…changing the way we think and seeing that we are in fact so much more than we think we are?

I am tired of this cycle of suffering,  I am drained, if it wasn’t for my children being here I would happily sleep for days on end…I am not fearful of pain, how is it possible to see clearly when all I see is a haze in front of me, when my ego does this…i literally have to let it just be…cry if I must, scream from the inside if needs be… but I know the more I try to be a peace within…the further I am away from it…thats all id really like…peace..nothing more…

I have searched for this root that is embedded in me, so I can heal it..but i dont know where i am looking..or do i heal it by replacing it with the truth of that i am? And how do I go about doing that?

 

The truth my friend… You have been drawn to men who will repeat the energy one way or another of that as your father did.  If you still have him in your life you can heal this by simply telling him what you would think inside and then let it go… This energy was the stream that you are in.. being in it requires you to be humble to accept that what we was and how he was had nothing to do with you at all… It is how forgiveness is calling to you.. as for what to do now..  NOW is the key..  This second.. this moment you are face to face with the now… The now is what keeps the past where it needs to be and the future just in this moment.  This is when you see how beautiful you are without seeing the labels you can place on anything.. How the content of how others act means they are focus on time and the time bound ego to exist is suffering.  You don’t have to suffer.. The end of suffering comes clearly in the now…  Is your heart beating?  Are your lungs filling with air.. are you able to focus on being inside you and loving unconditionally without any looking at what is out there…  This is your truth.  Look into your children’s eyes and then place your hand over their heart… feel their heartbeat and allow them to experience you feeling their heartbeat and ask them to feel yours…  do you see the simplicity of being my friend…

 

How often do you drive somewhere and not pay attention to holding the steering wheel or the other cars coming and going around you?  What about when you walk.. how your legs allow you to move and experience the motion itself.  To much time spent on thinking about this or that is keeping you from the only thing you ever have…  This moment!  In this moment you are the MORE, you are this moment.  No longer seek to find yourself in your mind.. You unlocked something very powerful in this seeing of your first relationship with a man.. That is healing and that is allowing yourself to be!   The repeat behavior of what you have been was based on content that kept you from experiencing the love you can give in this moment not just to others but deeper to yourself… are you sure that the priority of thinking is not placed in the wrong bucket of life?  This existence you have is how magical you are.. You are magic!  You just have to feel it real time.. to realize there is no time, there is only now..  Once you give up time, you embrace all things in this moment…  When was the last time you paid attention to all the energy going on in this moment?  Don’t you see that the balance of doing so, now is now and it has been missed by thinking which causes regret, pain, suffering, etc….

 

 

The ego looks for a backdoor in the now.. it always will win, especially when suffering is all it can do to make you gravitate to it.  What if you surrendered and asked your mind what now?  It will be silent… It doesn’t know the now, it only knows past and future!

 

 

Deep breathing and awakening the kundalini mediation was what I went to… by kelly howell… listening to her with headphones… taught me how to breathe again…  we forget that we are breathing because of the mind made you… isn’t it time for the soul to come forward?  It is always breathing isn’t it time to sync with it?

 

Love Deeply,

Clark