What every man should know….. Things to know about a woman!

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Things to know about women!

When she stare’s at your mouth!

[Kiss her!]

When she pushes you or hit’s you!

[Grab her and dont let go!]

When she start’s cursing at you!

[Kiss her and tell her you love her!]

When she’s quiet!

[Ask her whats wrong!]

When she ignore’s you!

[Give her your attention!]

When she pull’s away!

[Pull her back!]

When you see her at her worst!

[Tell her she’s beautiful!]

When you see her start crying!

[Just hold her and dont say a word!]

When you see her walking!

[Sneak up and hug her waist from behind!]

When she’s scared!

[Protect her!]

When she lay’s her head on your shoulder

[Tilt her head up and kiss her!]

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When she steal’s your favorite shirt!

[Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night!]

When she tease’s you!

[Tease her back and make her laugh!]

And when she is ornery!

[Hold her down and blow razz-berries on her belly!]

When she doesn’t answer for a long time!

[Reassure her that everything is okay!]

When she look’s at you with doubt!

[Back yourself up!]

When she say’s that she like’s you!

[She really does more than you could understand!]

When she grab’s at your hands!

[Hold her’s and play with her fingers!]

When she bump’s into you!

[Bump into her back and make her laugh!]

When she tell’s you a secret!

[Keep it safe and untold!]

When she looks at you in your eyes!

[Don’t look away until she does!]

When she misses you!

[She’s hurting inside!]

When you break her heart!

[The pain never really goes away!]

When she’s mad!

[Hug her tight and don’t let go!]

Call her at 12:00am!

[On her birthday to tell her you love her!]

Treat her!

[Like she’s all that matters to you!]

Stay up all night with her!

[When she’s sick!]

Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show!

[Even if you think its stupid!]

Give her!

[The world!]

Let her!

[Wear your clothes!]

Let her know!

[She’s important!]

Kiss her!

[In the pouring rain!]

When she runs up at you crying!

[The first thing you say is; “Who’s ass am I kicking today baby?”  and just hold her!]

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The how….

Quote:The most important, the primordial relationship in your life is your

relationship with the Now, or rather with whatever form the Now takes, that is to say, what is or what happens. If your relationship with the Now is dysfunctional, that dysfunction will be reflected in every relationship and every situation you encounter. The ego could be defined simply in this way: a dysfunctional relationship with the present moment. It is at this moment that you can decide what kind of relationship you want to have with the present moment.

The decision to make the present moment into your friend is the end of the ego. The ego can never be in alignment with the present moment, which is to say, aligned with life, since its very nature compels it to ignore, resist, or devalue the Now. Time is what the ego lives on.

The stronger the ego, the more time takes over your life. Almost every thought you think is then concerned with past or future, and you sense of self depends on the past for your identity and on the future for its fulfillment. Fear, anxiety, expectation, regret, guilt, anger are the dysfunctions of the time bound state of consciousness.

There are three ways in which the ego will treat the present moment: as a means to and end, as an obstacle, or as an enemy. Let us look at them in turn, so that when this pattern operates in you, you can recognize it and decide again.  E. Tolle The New Earth 2005!

What is stated here is simple, when you make a relationship out of time you will not be successful in seeing these things in her and she will need and want you to!  Thank you for reading, and love to you in this moment!

CK

Im Marrying a Cheater!!!

 

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As a Child I dreamed of this Connection, a love no other seemed to believe in, I would daydream about a connection so deep that you could feel physical manifestations of the other person, I dreamed and dreamed and when I spoke of this great love i was shot down,”your living in a fantasy world”. “there is no such thing, its only in dreams”. So thats where I kept it, in my dreams,,,,,, I married for 13 years, it was a “normal” marriage, I divorced dated, and then 2 years of self discovery ended me up in a new city with a brand new start and a fresh outlook on life, and then,,,,,, it all started.

 

I met him, when I saw him, my heart knew something was different, my soul awakened, my eyes were gazing upon the most beautiful man I have ever seen. We spoke and his voice consumed me, his written words were poetry to my ears. The first time my eyes saw him My heart stopped beating for seconds, I could not breathe, Ill nervier forget the fist sight, he was standing/leaning against the back of his car at a place we had agreed to meet at, he wore business attire which He wore so sexy, he was certainly easy on the eyes, I Immediately felt unworthy, I felt this beautiful man could not be here to meet me, but he was and I was falling all over myself. We talked to get to know one another, and time stood still.

 

Time after time he would call the numbers still are etched in my soul when they would show up on the caller Id, my heart raced, my palms would sweat. He had done something to me, we would make plans to meet, always at my place and I would get so excited, I would make sure to be home earlier to shower and prepare myself for THIS meet may be “the one” because every time we met there was ALOT of kissing and making out, and oh my when we kissed it lasted for hours,and well as ironic as it was HE would not “put out”. He never left me unsatisfied, the passion so strong so amazing so deep, however it seems I was on a “mission”.

 

Let me go back for a second and describe a kiss, a kiss I have written about, and he has written about, a kiss so deep, a kiss that awakened that ‘DREAM” I had kept inside of me, I saw inside of his soul, I saw him and I knew he could see me, I knew he he could see “ME”. That scared the shit out of me, why wouldn’t it, I had lived a very messed up life, I had a lot of skeletons in my closet and this fine specimen of a man had the key to the damn door! Let me explain how that feel for those of you who dont know,,,,Its like a serial killer who had a ton of “evidence” in his house and the police were knocking on the door,,,, That kiss made my heart do flips, made my stomach turn in excitement and fear combined. When he left that day I was glad he was gone but never wanted him to leave.

 

The visits became less and less and my “mission” was not complete,,,, and then i began to put together pieces like a puzzle in my mind. He had asked me not to call him as it was a business phone and he got “charged” for calls. He only ever contacted me during the day “business hours”, we only ever met during the day, and his e mails were mostly his writings, writings of sexual nature, fantasies he had in his head, stories of passion and lust and love at first I felt as if he had just copied and pasted them but later I knew they were his writings. I sat in a sinking feeling,,,, he MUST be married.

 

He called for a “visit” and what some would call a “booty call” but i wasn’t getting any “booty”, but THIS was the visit I was going to complete my “mission”, This man who had such a great impact on my soul, I knew was “shady” I know was lying, I had to put my DREAM, back inside of myself, lock it back up and just complete my mission,,,,,, always wondering WHY he would not go all of the way with me? Was i not good enough? Was I not sexy enough? Was I not worthy? Did he have a disease? Did he promise himself he would “play around” but never really go all of the way out of respect for his wife IF he had one? WHY???  What was the problem,,,, I asked him in an e mail, Are you HIV Positive? he laughed and said no im not, I have a clean bill of health,,, so the mission was reinstated,,,, and the visit came and through some really tough persuasion HE gave in to my “persuasion” and mission accomplished. When he was about to leave I looked into his eyes, something was different, something had changed in him, he left and I knew at that moment I would not be hearing back from him. I went on with my life so I thought, there were times I missed him, when the phone rang I would hope, I checked my e mail,, nothing, The only breakdown I had was one fall day,,September 26th 2005,

 

I had confronted him in e mail about his lies,days before, explaining to him what i saw,,, all the signs of a married man,,,,his response was another “fantasy” written out, he avoided my comments and my questions, he was exposed so divert my attention he “thought” he would grab my attention with another writing, I was livid, i was angry, I was hurt and I drove, I drove out to a place very special to me, a Big deck over a lake in a State park, a Deck my Grandpa and my Father had a part in building as a “Community service” project. I went out there often, and although it had been rebuilt a couple of times since then I still feel the craftsmanship my Grandfather put into everything he did. I got there, the wind was chilly, it was almost dark, I listened to the squirrels run around in the leaves, I saw a rabbit, I was a fish jump in the water and I began to cry, I began to scream out loud,,,, WHY ARE YOU LYING TO ME? WHY ARE YOU SO DIFFERENT? WHY CANT I STOP FEELING YOU?? WHO ARE YOU AND WHY DID YOU COME INTO MY LIFE? I HAVE HAD ENOUGH HURT I DONT NEED YOURS!!! IF YOU CAN FEEL ME STOP LYING TO ME AND COME TO ME,,, EXPLAIN THIS FEELING I HAVE EXPLAIN WHY I CAN SEE INSIDE OF YOU!!!  COME BACK TO ME SO WE CAN FIGURE THIS OUT,,,,,  CAN YOU HEAR ME,,,,, I screamed until my throat hurt and I felt as if my tears would flood the lake, I watched as they hit the water down below and I felt as if I was fighting a losing battle, The Universe had played a very bad trick on me.

 

From that moment on everything with his was a game to me, I just knew he was different, the way he touched me, the way he spoke to me, they way he looked at me, the way we connected.

I had to let it go, I had to put this awakening feeling back inside of me, and I did, and i eventually went on with my life and I was right that was the last time I saw him, The time I was able to “complete mission”.The e mails got fewer and fewer. I did not need all that in my life, I met someone else and got engaged, and then out of nowhere a YEAR later a message,,,,A simple how are you doing message and then come everything flooding inside of me,,,HOWEVER  attached with those feelings were hurt and doubt, and A lot of doubt inside of me,,, wait if I can still have “these” kinds of feelings for someone else how could I marry someone? I was a mess inside and it was really all his fault!! Why did he come back into my life?

 

For months we met and talked and time stood still, but this was different as I was on a path of self destruction, it was me against everyone who had ever hurt me, and I grew into something just as bad as I felt he was, He was trying to stand in his truth, trying I say because he was not but I was getting answers, and I loved being in his presence It awakened me further, and the darkness got deeper as I knew he could see me so I had to find deeper places to hide it. I found out that my suspicions were warranted,he was married, however he had not lived with his wife for years, but had lived with someone else for nearly 9 years, so he had a wife AND a live in girlfriend, funny thing though he was still sleeping with his wife,and was lying to her and telling her he loved her and she had hung on for him all those years, all the while living another life with someone else,, and me well I was only one of MANY, he had on the side of his wife and live in girlfriend,in my eyes at that time he was a gorgeous, sexy, womanizing player! But I loved him, however so did many others, I found out he was sending them all the same “fantasies” all the same deep writings, all the ‘lines” only 1 thing was different,,, He would not be intimate with me in entirety. He was living out fantasy in each and every  woman he was with looking for different pieces of his puzzle, looking for something different in each one, he was looking for “himself”. He was hurting so many, and the big picture was the hurt he was doing to himself,,,

I watched him go through a change so deep, I watched as he confessed everything to me, I let him cry, I loved this man, I realized at this moment I was deep in love with him, but my mind would tell me over and over there was ALOT of women in love with this man! All I could do was be his friend, and go on with my life, so I was his friend and i stayed his friend as I watched him cry and confess and do it again to another woman and again to another one, and I watched as he witnessed me “feeling” his pain, I watched him and loved him as his wounds were deep, and his change was hard, he was lost. I knew I could never be with him really,,,Once a Cheater always a Cheater right??? We would confess our love for one another and we would in turn hurt one another.

 

I knew I could never really “be” with a man like this, I could never trust him, I cold never believe in him, again once a Cheater,,,,I married and it was a lie, I was not in love with him, I loved him, But I was not in love with him, I did it out of hurt,I just wanted to be loved and be the “only” one in someones life, and I knew I would have this from this man, I didn’t want to live a life of non trust, already we were connected though I could not deny that, however he would confess his love for me and the same night I could FEEL him with someone else. The Pain was hard to handle, it was unbearable, So perhaps marrying someone else was a way to throw that pain back at him, In turn I realize I was hurting a lot of people as well, I had become him, he just didn’t know it!

 

My Marriage was a mess, no wonder, I was in love with someone else and we communicated daily, We remained friends, as my marriage fell apart, In a night of hurt and to much alcohol I slept with my husband who I was already estranged from, and we conceived,,, I met with my friend and he is the one who told me i was pregnant he could see it in me. It was true, So I was living a lie with a man who I was about to have a child with, and he was still sleeping with others, still lying to his wife, and his live in girlfriend. At one point he had told me to just “come on” just come and be with him and he would raise my child as his own and we would just be in love,,, I thought about it over and over and after an argument with my husband I left and went to him, when i got to his home before I got to the door, I saw in the window and he was in an embrace with his girlfriend and they kissed, i never knocked i went him to my husband, it was what it was, we loved one another deeply but the hurt was to much, but I TRUSTED my husband and I needed that !

 

My friend and I barely spoke during my pregnancy we e mailed a bit and spoke on messenger a bit, but the communication was no where near as before,, He sent my son a gift in the mail and

we just remained friends,,,and just as fast as communication diminished it picked backup again, only this time it was a bit different he was different and I could see something about to happen, I wasn’t sure what. We met and we were “together” only this time beautiful and it was life changing and I knew he was someone I could never be without even if not physically, we were spiritually connected, we loved one another and it was evident.

 

 

We got closer and closer and I knew he was still lying and seeing others, this player was good, I had dealt with a “couple” of the women he hurt and they told me the same stories, “he said that to me too, yes he told me that too!”  uggg this man was toxic!!  and then,,,His mother was found very ill, and I watched him as he lost his mother, it was a very painful time for him, I just remained his friend, I went to the service, sat in the very back row, I just wanted him to know  I was there for him, I didn’t stick around, I left directly after. I saw him the next week and I saw something in him I had not seen before, It was different ! He cried to me, he broke down and the next few months were hell. i watched him die, I watched him split, I watched him fight and struggle, he was honest with his girlfriend who had since moved out, he actually told her he was deeply in love with me and he was direct.

 

He then went through something really really amazingly painful but so beautiful! He was honest with his wife and he started the process of divorce, my husband had long since moved out and finally just simply asked me “why aren’t you with him?” Did I mention my ex husband is a great man? SO we did it we made a go of it but did I trust him?? HELL NO!  when he stated he was in a meeting I requested a “picture” of this said meeting and he always accommodated and he understood!  What we had not addressed was the skeletons I had in my closet!  at this point he was standing COMPLETELY in his truth,he was COMPLETELY honest with HIMSELF and with me about every aspect of his past and his life.

 

We lived together until MY skeletons began to come out and why would he stay with me after all he had been though why would he stay with me he was honest with me he deserved my honesty and i never gave it to him, we separated and he forgave me and we reconnected and it happened again months later and again he forgave me and we reconnected and again, it happened again and he left me, this time for good, I saw it in him, he tried to connect with someone else as did I, I went through the same pain he went through I had to find myself, I had to fall in love with MYSELF, I had to go not my pain.

 

Now as we are both in our truth from this 9 year Journey,, we have been back out to that deck together numerous times, He proposed to me on that deck, standing in the very same place I was screaming for him at, tears fell from both of our eyes in the same water. I am in love with this amazing man and I get to spend the rest of my life with him, We share EVERYTHING we hide nothing from one another, we share a cell phone, we share emails, we share face books, we are together nearly always and when we are not, those very same butterflies I felt in 2005, i feel today when he calls from the store, when he sends me a message from Face book when im sitting right next to him.

 

I trust this man with everything i have in me, I trust him in every aspect! I trust he will never lie to me, I trust I am and always will be his one and only, I trust everything he Says to me. I believe in him, I believe in the Business we have created out of our story and out of what the universe has asked us to do, I believe in myself, I believe our running and chasing was a lesson and our experiences have already changed lives.

 

I sit in awe of this AMAZINGLY gorgeous man everyday of my life, I watch him walk and I smile I watch him type on the computer and I feel lucky, I watched him sleep just last night and I cried, He really is a genuine person, he’s gorgeous, he’s incredibly sexy, he’s honest, he’s true, he’s loving, he’s romantic, he’s passionate,hes kind, he’s generous, hes giving, he provides for us, he’s a wonderful father, he’s compassionate,and he loves me unconditionally and I love him unconditionally, I love him for what he’s been through, what we have been through, and the universe is now allowing us to teach from it.  The honeymoon stage is never ending, inside of me I still have those “forever” butterflies. The dream inside of me is awake and WE ARE LIVING IT! Relationship Reinvented was born from this connection.

 

The old Quote “Once a cheater always a cheater”  could be true, My cheater, CHEATED CHEATING do you understand that????,By going inside of the root of WHY he was choosing those actions, WHY he was hurting people. He went INSIDE, he in a sense took his own life,HE CHEATED CHEATING! and I have this wonderful man in my life, he is still a cheater, he cheated his pain out of staying alive, he cheated his story out of Defining him, He cheated everyone who knows him out of being able to say, “hes still the same old guy” “believe me he’s still lying and cheating”, anyone who knows him now and knows him then is no longer able to say that because they can see it in him! They can see by his actions and his energy that part of him no longer exists. He has cheated that quote out of being true!!   I was on that deck on September 26th or 2005 screaming for him,,,, and I will be back on that deck September 26th of this year Marrying this Cheater and I am the Luckiest Woman in the World!

I Love You Clark Kent

Love Lois

 

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How come, he can walk away easily?

Dear Clark,

I always wondered why a man can do a female wrong time after time & she will still be by his side. But when a female does ONE THING wrong the man leaves instantly.

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A mother CAN abandon their child, yet the child who’s father left the mother placed a hole in the child in the shape of a father, and now will duplicate this behavior without knowing how to communicate their emotional hurt in pain and change this cycle, it is why men can do this easily they are taught by this action alone without any level of pain or what caused the pain.  It would seem that when a child has this as a hole within them can point to what the expectation is to include the abandonment of both!

The suffering that this causes is the creation of why we are in a country were 24 million children are without a father.  Unless or until a man is willing to stand in their pain and accept this truth to share this pain as a way to end the suffering this will continue.  This is how they will heal this by accepting their truth and knowing their pain! You can’t fix this cycle without acceptance of the truth inside yourself let alone the pain that it gives you.

A fatherless daughter -This suffering also has it’s fuel, as a woman you will seek out a man who will abandon you easily, as this is what happened with your first experience with a man if you are a fatherless daughter whether daddy was in your life, yet absent emotionally, or all together physically not in your life you will seek this in a man that you will choose.  You will even compromise and even find men who are unavailable because you need to fill this hole inside of you as a father may or may not been in your life but didn’t express the energy you needed because they didn’t lack the communication you needed to heal this.  You had to tell yourself a lie about yourself to try and make sense of why this was missing.  The truth is you hurt, and you suffer in that hurt doing things in acceptance that are not love, but could in turn be an emotional clinging with no understanding why.  You will try and fix this in them, as a means to fix this in yourself.  You will find a man who will hurt you in this way without knowing this is the energy you are calling to, not seeing that you are in pain, and make a choice to stay in this pain.

This is why the attachment is different from a mans viewpoint.. A man will not see the emotional attachment as a woman will base this on how the man is or isn’t emotionally available… If his mother has always done nothing but protect him, and he never was able to speak about what his pain was regardless of his actions.  It isn’t that never did the man not trust his mother, he will seek out this in relationships.. someone who will continue with him to ignore this pain to create the same energy that a man has become accustomed to with his mother.  If she was always attacking him and punishing him without showing him how to heal from what pain causes these actions.  He will seek relationships similar to this as he makes the choice to be in relationships.  He will seek a woman who is ok with him not sharing his pain and accepting him regardless of his actions and lack of knowing how to communicate his heart that is hurt or that is of emotional energy.  This removal of being attached makes it probable that there is a hidden pain that will be found out by the woman.  In most if not all cases if a man is able to walk away and be unforgiving it is because it was done to him by his father or mother.. The ability to walk away from a relationship is taught by experiencing it with no reason.  If a man can do this they were abandoned by their father.  There was no explanation and no looking back.  The male child will now duplicate this behavior. This to the son who’s father leaves or is absent in their life will not know how to be understanding of those actions.

In most cases they will be in the relationship with only one foot out the door no matter the time line of the relationship. The cycle doesn’t end there, they will seek out like energy to include a relationship where the woman has children and the father is absent in the children’s lives.  This will turn into a challenging relationship as the man will take a full role in being as the children are cause of the energy feels the same.  It is the law of energy that is the truth not the thought process as it hasn’t become aware in this way.  How could it?  If this was seen as it was with energy wouldn’t it be up to both male and female to heal this one child at a time, to include the inner child they both have?

Love Deeply

Clark

My dear Past,

OUTATIME-carMy dear PAST,

I am writing you this letter so you can keep it close to you to understand why I am leaving you, you have given me second guesses, you have made life with others tolerable, and you have always given me the perfect reason to hide myself from others who didn’t deserve it!

I wanted to also inform you that because I will not be with you any longer I am going to accept the present moment more fully as my committed partner for existence here.  You always didn’t like the present moment and I get it, the present moment is a very sexy thing to try and compete with.  I know this will be hard for you and I hope that some day you will understand that it wasn’t you! IT WAS ME!

I just couldn’t be the man you wanted me to be repeatedly. It made me hard to understand, it gave me excuses to have pain that I would inflict on others. I just didn’t feel that was right of you to do that!  I had many affairs on you, I would sneak and meet someone and not hold their past against them and they wouldn’t hold my past against me (hell there were times you told me it was ok to keep it from others).  Then somehow, someway you would convince me to sleep with you again.  That wasn’t right. I did eventually leave them for you. Cause you were just to intoxicating for me to remove from myself.  I do want you to know I have released you from any alimony or child support. In other words you no longer have to pay for trips back down memory lane that will make me make a decision to endure your kind of pain. Cause my future will remain unknown to me.  Me and the present moment have spoken to this in great lengths. It is again not about you… IT IS ABOUT ME. I just realized it!  The present moment also said that I could not have any affairs with a little part of you or the future. So I know that this was a trying message to read.  But I thought I would leave a few things for you to realize going forward in the terms of the restraining order.

1) You are not allowed to come into my life to try and tell me what is going to happen, you must remain more than a mile away from me at all times.

2) Any lie you hear me tell myself about love, you are not allowed to come in and give it validity.

3) Anger, resentment, punishment, are mine to take in that moment as I take it, it will not build!  You have a restraining order PAY ATTENTION TO NUMBER 1 RULE!

4) You under no condition will try and tell me what love is or what it isn’t!  Your the past you can’t possible know what love is in this moment. Hence why I am leaving you for THE PRESENT MOMENT!

5) Don’t try to surface telling me I will be more protective and guarded of myself and my experiences that are in the present moment with you around. You aren’t psychic so stop claiming to be you have a catalog of history be a history teacher not a present moment connoisseur. I am not going to believe it to repeat it!

6) YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!  THE PRESENT MOMENT GAVE YOU YOUR TERMINATION PAPERS! READ IT AND GET TO STEPPING!

7) I believe I can fly without you, in other words you clipped my wings for long enough with your ability to tell me who I was with repeated memories of pain and more pain. My wings got weighted down with tar thanks to you.  NO MORE!

8) You are not allowed to use my mind against me. You can not find a way in manipulating things that i currently doing trying to show me all the different scenarios of what is to come based on results that were in the past.  Again this isn’t about you! It’s about ME!

9) You are not allowed to find a pathway into dreams, into day or night or other. It isn’t that I don’t love you completely I do in fact hence why I am letting you go completely.

10) Don’t take my love for granted, it will grow now because of your absence. It will realize there never had to be a limit and it will heal in your absorption of love I have inside me to make me the man she needs and wants. The present moment sends love your way, that you will find peace.

These are the guidelines for this divorce and I know you will have no choice to but to abide my wishes as it would show me how much you don’t love me by breaking these rules!

Wishing you luck finding another to pursue this with,

Clark Kent Esq.

Make 2014 Your year for Healing!!!

Healing series!

Blame it on the alcohol?

middle-aged-couple-drinking-wine-on-dateDear Lois and Clark,

Where I am now… confused, uncomfortable, and anxious.

LONG story short, my Parents were deeply wounded as children, and wounded me in-turn. I started in my own personal knowledge journey 8 years ago, and discovered I liked who I am. I realized I couldn’t change anyone other than me and set out to make my life the best I could without requiring anything of my family of origin to change.

4 years ago, I became aware that, by accepting the role I was born into with my family of origin, I was recreating their dysfunctional patterns for myself in my own life and set out to change them. I am understanding only now, that I had suppressed and disowned feelings and parts of myself that were “unacceptable” during my initial change work 8 years ago, and the “self” I had constructed then, while much closer to my authentic self than the one imposed upon me during my upbringing, remains false.

1 year ago, I stumbled upon the family secret about my Grandfather’s (25 years dead) alcoholism. I’ve been attending Al-anon regularly for the past 5 months to understand how my Mother’s living with alcoholism and never coping with or healing the effects, puts me in the position of requiring they be healed now. Finally, in Al-anon, I’ve found people who come from similarly dysfunctional families, and the environment in which healing is possible. I’m deeply grateful for the gift of Al-anon and working the steps currently.

My calling has also been blessedly revealed to me, and I am deeply enjoying my work as a Relationship Coach presently. Unfortunately, as I was hesitant to  accept the position and responsibility for so long, my finances became a disaster and I was left with no choice but to return to my Parents’ home, where I am now.

Again, grateful to be here, because it gives me the opportunity to learn how to detach from our co-dependence (which until Al-anon, I had never understood was the actual problem). However, living in their chaos is painful. 4 years of scraping by to survive financially, and all the mixed messages and suppressed emotions that are being revealed now leaves me DEEPLY CONFUSED. While I wouldn’t change a thing, I’m seriously tired and depleted from battling against scarcity, and unlearning my defenses that I’ve been using for 8 years against the defenses I had to develop as a child is confusing. I haven’t known what is real since I was about 2.

I would very much love your guidance now, as I feel strongly that YOU are the first person I’ve attracted into my life who is capable of providing for me the type of consistency, wisdom and mirroring I provide to my clients. My current working theory (please correct me if you disagree) is that I am where I am at this time because, being codependency tied to my family until now, my (inherited) distorted reality has produced negative attraction in my life. I have begun to reverse that polarity… however your assistance is appreciated and welcome as I continue getting the old dysfunctional thinking, behavior, emotional, and physical habits out of my system.

What do you think?

Friend

 

My friend,

That is some very enlightening discoveries you have found.  As for where you are at this moment it would be that a great void of suffering and illusion need to be called to the root.  Lets make this about energy and your interaction as an energy.  As WE both have found our truth it was about the things we endured to include the acts of alcoholism, drug abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse.  The choice that we were able to find was the core.  Here is what it came down to, as you inherit anything, you have a choice to keep it or give it all away.  In other words as you are in energy in this moment do you move away from the energy of go into it?  As you elect to go away from it, you now will start to direct a role to play to be something that gives you an identity as it were as a product of the energy you endured.  Running away, you can be in a thriving career or be in a long term relationship, all of which will still bring you back to what you moved away from why does this happen?  Because the root is still intact and not dived deeper into only the consequences of what the root caused.   The root is why did someone decide to choose alcohol? why did they choose to use drugs?  Why did they choose to be physically abusive?  Why do they choose to abuse someone emotionally.  This is the shaking off reaction that we see that all beings of energy have.

 

The only being of energy that holds this energy and doesn’t shake it off instantly is the human being.  The human being is a funnel of collective energy that will endure the experience of what was done and will vibrationally ring inside the being not showing them how to ring this out as you would see a dog do to remove surplus energy of a swan or any other being that has been disrupted by energy.

The remembering of what it was when you experienced real at the age of 2 will tell you this.  You fell down and scrapped your knee you didn’t make an identity of the pain until you were taught.  The two year old you, scraped the knee and got up and screamed or cried and then it became as you got older and fell questions were asked of you that created the identity to no longer get up and shake it off now it was bottle necked inside you to be something else because of the pain that was endured.  How do you remove such a thing?  You do so with going to the root of the pain and no longer seeking reasons.

 

So your grandfather was an alcoholic? what pain was he covering up? what was he not communicating that he wanted to be numb through?  Did it have anything to do with you? Did it have anything to do with his children?  Was his drinking nature something that his mother and father did that they were covering this up as well?  Even going back shaking this off of them, will not change the path of what you can shake off and embrace now inside yourself.  Embracing what you are as a being of truth in the light.

 

Example of this: Lois as a child would sit at age 9 and wait for her father to come pick her up along with her sister who was younger than her on Fridays.  Her father wouldn’t show up, as he was at a bar drinking and hanging with friends.  He would become completely drunk not realizing that his kids were waiting for him.  As they would finally get around their father they would smell the alcohol.  He loved his kids very much and his drinking wasn’t about them, but it was that they experienced the energy in abandonment because of what his root was which caused him to drink.  As they became older they were attracted to men who did these types of behaviors not even seeing it as a cycle of energy but rather a familiar stream of energy that was consumed in the root with these as the symptoms.  The fear of abandonment as they found abandonment needed to be hidden as to not know the reason why in relationships a man wouldn’t stay around or would become illusive they needed to experience the non communication as a familiar energy to experience what they felt could be unconditional love which was very much conditional.  Conditions are met in this way!  Do you see the dysfunction?  Do you see how just these moments caused the truth from eluding even the children who didn’t even know the root of why these things happened?  They didn’t because a part of them which wasn’t aware of the root, became the role that they experienced in the hidden truth of the energy they were all infected within.

 

The elections of codependency,  Is that the dependency is not the truth, the root or truth of the dependency can only be pointed to by the familiar energy you experience because of the root.  As a negative energy that has pain, what is the pain specifically? what are the dysfunctions of the energy as it relates to what outcomes happen?  Are you able to see the conditions, and embrace them unconditionally with or without reason?  This will point to the conditions you have on yourself, because of how you interact in those conditions as they arise.

 

All behaviors in energy that you produce have a cause and effect.  Mainly these are translated into thoughts that repeat and cause your behavior to exert the energy in cycle, which is embedded in thinking which to realize that knowing is how the cycle can be broken and healed.  Example: I am successful because I am a confident person in SOME WAYS…  This is a lie!   The truth is you are successful regardless of what you think, as your body is producing aliveness in being which is everything, it is in interaction to all energy whether it is positive or negative. No matter the negative or positive the choice to see the light is to see the truth in it and embrace it as a truth.

 

This is done in truth… as you are pointed to the truth without the distorted thinking that goes with it the forgiveness can be how the truth is embraced.

 

 

Love Deeply,

Lois & Clark

Double Jeopardy! Twin Flames an understanding!

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Alex Trebek: What is a relationship that requires no mind?

Lois: What is a Twin Flame relationship!

Alex: Correct!

Lois: Alex, I will take Connections for 500!

Alex: Oh daily double! Answering this gives you a 1000! What is known by when my heart flutters?

Lois: What is a connected soul in twin flames truth?

Alex: That is correct!

Trying to be in a human relationship with your twin flame?

This question is the answer.. You can’t elect to be with your twin flame and not see the truth about energy or the truth about being human. You have endured much of anything that everything has been told to you to be true about thinking, and about how your thinking translates into action in human form. This connection is found in the greater intelligence in you, it is the way you can’t control your heartbeat, or control the way your blood flows. It doesn’t see the connection in human form, it sees it beyond it.

When we die we see death and see it being from a place the mind says will be heaven or hell. Where in truth neither of these exist. If you are able to stand in nature you will find the peace of where I am speaking from that place. It requires no time and requires no thought. It requires presence but doesn’t need this to be able to exist.

As you are born as a human being you now will become a part of the energy that you are born within. If that energy is with a single parent realize you will learn ways of survival based on being with yourself, by yourself, the challenge to be with another for a long period of time is not in a place that you create conditions for. You will have conditions that require this environment to be alone and without. Lets’ say you are born into a place where both parents are together and yet you experience never being able to express yourself as does your father or your mother. This will also be a climate that will give you like energy. You will experience this energy and it becomes powerfully enriched in what you experience in this existence. You will meet someone fall in love and seek these conditions to be a part of the relationship for as long as you are here.

Now that we have a few scenarios stand in the truth about what you experienced when you came into this world, what you were placed in as conditions and what you were placed in where it pertains to love. The only constant love that you received was that of your heartbeat and the blood flow I spoke about in the beginning. This is where you are your twin are connected, it doesn’t see this as a way of not being energy in connection yet it is the foundation of energy that exist. It doesn’t matter if you are with your soulmate in a relationship, or single or without something that you can’t understand, yet you can feel it, and it’s strength in what you are going through.

So as this is what you experience especially if you know something more powerful exist in the connection with your twin flame you now expect these expectations of how you view the world to stop and become something greater. This is not easy and it is going to always point you to the greater intelligence in you. As you want to be with them you will identify with what you see as a human relationship where the relationship doesn’t see human only sees combined energy without human understanding or human nature. The nature of twins comes from embedded soul energy that shares all the truth about positive and negative energy. The mind wants to translate this and make this something that is running, chasing, ignoring, disruptive, painful, etc. There are so many ways to see this and make this something the mind needs to make it and none of these will give you the connection of your twin because it still requires some place to translate.

If your twin is not with you and you are not with your twin pay attention to the thinking you are doing and creating in thinking as a human. You have blame, you have hurt, you have misery, and you do have all other emotions which are a part of thinking and all of these are only keeping you from the connection which doesn’t require any of it. It requires you to go to the place of no mind and see yourself and even your thinking as a collective energy to see that it can’t be removed and it is placed in you to see yourself and how the ego, body, and being are directly connected to soul which is the direct spark of existence and the direct spark of connection.

When we speak of standing in your truth this is where this points. You are the roots of any tree when connected to your twin.. It has a path that can have dead branches yet it always has life in the tree.. The longevity of being with your twin is found in the center of being in this truth. This also gives you the truth about where you are without no mind and how that door whether in this existence or not is always inside you and planted as a place of being.

No matter how many times you search I can’t be with my twin flame, I want to get rid of my twin flame, I want to kiss my twin flame, I want to make love to my twin flame, what is it to be with my twin flame, I give up on my twin flame. All of these things are underneath the mind in a space that doesn’t require the mind! It only requires your truth about being something beyond your mind in the same place the greater intelligence in you is being! It is of soul and requires you to see yourself deeply beyond these places and being human. All choice to see inside of forgiveness of ones lies inside of yourself is this truth.

If you can control how your heart beats and when it will stop, you can control how deep your connection can be with your twin. Know this in knowing.. You can’t remove this connection you can go deeper into it by going deeper inside yourself. You can survive without being connected by make sure you tell the truth to those you decide to be with. If you don’t you will suffer and allow another to suffer with you. Is this what you expect or wish for? Stay in your truth in pain of what it gives you births something magical in you that you are here to do in purpose and this happens from being more than just what you think.. or what you think they will give you.

They can’t give you something, you can’t give yourself. You give yourself knowing that is what this is without thinking… Knowing is pointing to all your truths without being human, it points to how you are as energy inside yourself.

Thinking about all your traits of being human, how you think, how you interact, and see yourself more clearly what is the truth about what you can’t change and it would be how your heart interacts with it all in physical. This is where you are connected. This is the pull to the truth it happens in knowing, and even what you fight in thinking it will never beat your knowing!

Love deeply….

Thank you, Lois it is this connection we share in return of itself to myself that transcends itself not because of what we have tried to evolve in thinking, but because of this connection and it’s depth in truth creates being. I am so in soul with you.

Clark

Hands

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My dream last night was simple, I went on a journey inside of my hands, I was able to feel what my hands felt, it was a journey Ill not forget. I woke up and Clark got up and I called him back over just so I could  touch him, wrapped my arms around him and let my hands feel his skin. The texture of his skin is so soft and warm. I then had a few moments to myself and went off into a quick meditation when I came out I looked at my hands.

My hands held my parents hands as a child, they held my ears when i heard the arguing and the hitting, they covered my eyes, they wrote my name for the first time and they haven’t stopped lol.  My hands held my children , changed their diapers,soothed their fevered foreheads, my hands cook dinner for my family, set the table for family dinners, they have tucked many gifts from the tooth fairy under pillows, they have wrapped many presents, they have zipped backpacks, they have hit in protection. They have raised to cover for protection, They fold in prayer, they open in meditation,they have pet precious family pets, they have painted walls, cleaned carpets, washed dishes, they have planted flowers, they have planted vegetables and fruit, they have held the cold hands of loved ones who have passed, The have written letters form my heart onto paper.

My hands hold Clarks, they go through his hair, touch his skin. They are scarred, they are sometimes tired, however they still have so much to do, they have grandchildren to hold, they have flowers to hold, they have words to type, just as they have typed these, They have medicine to give, They are medicine, They are healers, They are lovers, They are friends….Take a look at your hands, appreciate them for what they have done for you, use them wisely in everything they WILL do for you.

What have you have already touched in your life? What will you touch now?

Lois

Conflict!!!!!

angry-coupleIn Every relationship in our lives, friendships, family, romantic and professional can potentially be destroyed by conflict. The solution is not to ignore the conflict or keep moving around hoping to find the perfect person or perfect people. We need to deal with the problems we currently face, otherwise they will just reappear elsewhere. The only thing we have the power to change in any relationship is ourselves and our own attitude. We can’t expect to change other people, but we can learn to deal with relationships in a way that promotes peace and diffuses conflict. Learning to Resolve conflicts in a relationship is one of the most important life skills we can develop and it is something we need to value.

I believe, it is important to see the problem from the other person’s perspective. This does not mean we have to agree with their viewpoint; it means we try to see the issue from a different perspective. This can at least help us to understand where they are coming from, and why they have their particular mindset. If we can do this we may wish to moderate our stance because we understand why they are acting in a certain way. If we only look at things from our perspective, conflict will certainly arise. A major cause of conflict in relationships is when we expect people to behave in a certain way. The problem with expecting certain behavior is that we get upset when they fail to live up to our expectations. Even those close to us are not our responsibility; we need to be tolerant of their mistakes and limitations. We have to respect their decisions on how to live their life. This detachment is not indifference; we can retain concern , but there comes a point where we need to give people the freedom to make their own choices, even if we don’t agree with them.

Unfortunately, if we respond to situations by getting angry we will make the situation even worse. Anger holds a feeling of aggression and condemnation which people struggle to deal with it. It also calls out and it encourages people to respond in a similar way. If we feel angry, the best solution is to avoid talking , arguing at that particular time. We should calm our anger before confronting other people. Any conflict will only be heightened by anger. Similarly, if people approach us with anger, we have to learn to respond differently ,silence is better than getting mad at someone.

Most of the time we get what we aspire for. If we really value peace in our relationships with others, then we will make it happen. If we make proving the other person wrong or proving ourselves right the priority, then there will be a constant feeling of superiority and inferiority which breeds conflict. If we keep reminding ourselves of the desirability of peace we won’t allow ourselves to become argumentative and miserable.

One of the secrets to maintaining good relationships is generating a feeling of oneness. This means we will feel happy at the success of others; we will sympathize when they experience difficulties; we will strive to avoid hurting their feelings. In oneness there is no superiority and inferiority. Without oneness, we are prone to feelings of pride, jealousy and insecurity. If you feel a really genuine sense of oneness with other people, how can you want to hurt them? Certainly this is the case is romantic relationships, the very last thing we should want to do is hurt the one we are in love with, I know it hurts me to the core when I say anything hurtful to Lee. It should also ring very true in family relationships, every family has conflict, most every time its caused by egos colliding, I have found that ridding myself of my ego has been most helpful, this has removed any and all conflict within myself for anyone I am associated with. I allowed my mind to tell me that without my ego I would be just an insecure human being.

When we are full of insecurities our relationships become more difficult. The problem is that if we are insecure about ourselves we can become judgemental about other people; to make ourselves feel better we will start criticizing others. We may not be conscious of this, but it does happen.(This is why i choose to not let my mind control me) When we are at peace with ourselves, good peaceful relationships come natural. When we have inner peace , we don’t rely on other people to give us security and praise. When we are at peace with ourselves, we tend to have a sympathetic and positive view of the world. Often we want to blame bad relationships on other people; but, actually the only thing we can really do is to work on ourselves. If we develop inner peace  our relationships will definitely improve.

When tense situations arise, talking can be the most effective way of moving past the problem. Some things are best left unsaid; it does no one any good to bring up old conflicts unless absolutely necessary, what has already happened cannot be changed. When talking we should try to talk about positive issues; look for things which we agree on and can work together on.

Don’t get upset about little things. In the great cosmic game, most of the minor personality conflicts are relatively insignificant. If we get mad when someone doesn’t do the washing up, how are we going to react when they do something really bad? If you find yourself getting worked up by a series of small things, take a step back and try to evaluate their relative importance. For each minor failing try to think of a really good quality of that person. If you are sincere you will feel that this good quality is far more important than the minor indiscretion, This is something I have had to step back myself and put into action.

No conflict is difficult. If we are willing to change our attitude,release our egos. we can develop peace even with difficult people. It is always important to be positive and forget the past. If we can develop peace in our relationships, it will definitely make a big difference to our lives.

Live, Laugh, Love

Lois

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