Healing series 2014 May: the fear be with you!

What is fear?

fear
At some point in our lives we all experience it. Our heart beats faster; we find it hard to breathe; the muscles in our body tense; our brain seems to shut everything else out and the focus shifts to the terror that has changed us emotionally and physically. We are experiencing fear.
So why does fear exist and do we have power over it? Fear according to researchers evolved in all animal species as a defense mechanism. It is a way for the brain to change the body chemistry so that future dangerous situations will create a stimulus, serving as an early warning system. This gives us an ability to determine a course of action that will increase our chance of survival. The chemical response in some cases is so strong it can cause physical and emotional paralysis and impede us from helping ourselves! When that paralysis is not experienced, the body then faces the fight or flight response in defense.
Some fear is healthy, being afraid of bodily harm from a potential attacker for example. Some fear is destructive and damaging, like feeling we cannot be honest with our partners for fear of judgment or ridicule. When we feel fear we need to remember that it’s a call to action. Unlike other animals we are able to choose how we respond to those feelings of dread.
In 3rd grade I was bullied and picked on by bigger kids, and my instinct was to fight. Eventually I was expelled from school and my father began spanking me with a belt as punishment. This punishment taught me to fear his spanking more than the bullies’ beatings. For the rest of my youth I backed down from every altercation. I did nothing to defend myself from the beatings of my peers; allowing them to label me a coward and hopefully leave me alone. I grew up in a very tough area so I got beat a lot. Today I am 44 years old and I have no memory of the physical pain I endured from those beatings, but the pain of not defending myself, of feeling like a coward–that pain lived inside me for so long that I can still feel the shame today if I allow it. When I was 18 I no longer had to fear my father’s punishments for defending myself and I began to stand up for myself again. This did not stop me from getting bullied on occasion, but interestingly enough I don’t remember an ounce of the physical pain; all my mind can recall is the humiliation of a loss, that helpless feeling of not being able to defend myself, that fear that someone else had gotten the better of me.
As I got older I began to read self-help books and to study why I and others thought and acted the way we did. In one of the books I was reading I came across one of the most profound thoughts ever, an acronym that defined what fear really was. The acronym was False Evidence Appearing Real. When I read that it instantly spoke to me. Whether an aggressively intimidating person, an inescapable, unpleasant situation, or a dreaded decision needing to be made, the feeling in all these situations was the same: fear. I finally realized that no matter what the evidence was I was selecting the meaning of it and assuming the worst case scenario. It reminded me of when I was little and I lied to stop my dad from spanking me. The reality was that I lied out of fear; but my punishment never turned out to be as bad as I had assumed it would.
This realization gave me one of the most effective tools for change and success in my life, I understood that only I could determine what had power over me, only I could assume what the consequences where going to be, only I could determine if fear would empower me to act in my defense or paralyze and control me.
Fear is real and it can be a healthy emotion, but do yourself a favor and remember that it’s only a call to action. Your choice is Fight or flight, and sometimes flight is necessary, but too often flight is chosen as the easy way out. As a former coward I can attest that it is easier to run away than it is to stand and fight for yourself. I can say with authority that just because you successfully ran away from your fear, you have not escaped it. Often times the long term damage you will cause by not standing up for yourself, your ideals, the truth, will be very difficult to heal from, because you will know that the fear conquered you.
Today you can make the decision that fear won’t stop you from telling the truth; it won’t stop you expressing your love for someone; and it can’t prevent you from standing up for yourself. Today if you’re feeling fear answer that call to action, and let fear know you’re back in charge of your life.

 

 

J.Austin.Ward
Email: j.austin.ward@gmail.com
Follow on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Personal-Empowerment-And-Relationship-Coaching-PEAR/749287711768150

Take a listen this was powerful as Josh and Lee discuss truth and how it is with fear!

 

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/relationship-reinvented/2014/05/05/relationship-reinvented-2014-healing-series

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Before you Attack your Partner Look inside yourself!

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Doesn’t it seem like when you lay down to go to sleep IF you have mind noise that mind noise continues inside of you one way or another into the next day which is supposed to be NEW! Usually I can shut my mind off and count my breaths or listen to my heartbeat whatever way I can usually shut my mind down and fall asleep and journey into someplace the Universe needs me to be. I remember the last “ thought” I had before falling into sleep. “why do I have to breathe in these toxic fumes, I dont smoke, I never have”  and then it began  the journey inside of myself. i have been soulfully conscious of what I put in my body.

 

I say soulfully because I had to soul train my mind because my mind LOVES Cake,  Chocolate Cake, White CAKE well any kind of Cake… CAKE IS DAMN GOOD,,, JUST SAYING.

 

So I had to tell my mind yes mind, your right cake is good,,, but eating the entire cake is not good, you will be permitted to have cake just not the whole damn thing lol. my last Doctors visit was a real pooper, The fact is I am overweight, I feel great because my Soul is Clean, I stand in  my truth at all times, I have nothing hidden, all my dark secrets are out my twin KNOWS who I am, what i stand for he knows all of my truths even the really ugly ones.I realized a long time ago why I carried extra weight, it was for protection, mind noise that no one would want me or try to abuse me as well as physical protection from my secrets, they were buried deep inside of me,,,,All is out now and I simply dont need this protection. Nor do I want IT!

 

This is all just extra I dont need, So I have vowed to get rid of it, and I am, however over the past couple of days I have went over in calories and have not moved as much as I would like so have felt discouraged, and when I get discouraged I like to blame others for my discouragement its just easier that way lol

 

So I noticed everything everyone else was doing wrong, when in reality it was my own self I was disappointed in, I went to bed last night discouraged with ME, I dont enjoy the toxic smoke from cigarettes i am a non smoker however my Twin enjoys it and I love him unconditionally and he’s not a regular smoker he smokes very infrequently, HOWEVER I find that when I dont take as good of care of my self he tends to smoke more,,, sometimes this connection goes so much deeper than the human mind can imagine.

I hurt my body the past two days but not continuing the cycle of “physical healing”. He is Physically ill, I am feeling his pain, he is having some kidney issues and I woke up this morning in pain and I WAS PISSED!  (I suppose it the same type of pissed he feels when he experiences my menstral cramps :).

 

My journey took me inside of me, why I was disappointed in ME, what I had done to get off track, what I could have done different and why I didn’t. There was no blame on anyone else it was ME. I want to be healthy, I want to be fit, I want that for me, for my kids and for my Twin because I Know he feels it, I want the energy that comes with being healthy, I am on the mission to get it.

 

My mind wanted to blame everyone else for my failures, when in fact I haven’t failed at all, I am still making drastic changes I am still on track when I fall off and consume to many calories thats my fault not anyone else’s. It has nothing and EVERYTHING to do with my twin, does that make sense? It has nothing and everything to do with him. It has everything to do with me, and my mindset and how I see things, It has everything to do with my control of me and how I treat my own body, when I heal so does he, when he heals so do I, When we fall apart physically we have to heal together. When I eat badly he smokes more, when he smokes more I eat badly.

 

To Heal this I have to go inside myself and find out what it is I am doing to not heal. So I wake up from that message filled Journey and I feel refreshed, ready to start a new day, my son woke me up at 8 am, I felt pain in my back, I was happy to take some of my twins pain, I was ready to get up and  begin a brand new healthier day, when I sat with my son and the smoke consumed me.

 

I tried to shut my mind down, I tried to not say anything, I hate smoke I always have, I vowed to never be with a smoker and I never was, I would not even date a smoker, so how ironic is the Universe my twin is a smoker, I love him unconditionally and that means loving him and his habit. I never want to Judge and I dont, I never have looked at him differently because he’s a smoker. I love him and if that means loving him while he smokes I do, and I always will.

I usually dont really notice him smoking because he smokes so rarely however the past couple of days its been more frequent.

So I got up without saying anything and just went back to the bed to lie down and fell back asleep for a while,,, and yet another dream Journey,,,What I do effects him, he has been smoking more frequent because I have been not taking care of myself more frequently. I remember a conversation I had with my mind, he has stated he was going to quit I know 20 times.

 

however I have stated i am going to get get healthy 100 times, to no avail, However this time I took a soul vowel and i am on mission,,,

 

He knows we are Twins and what he does effects me so why would he do that to us?

well I also know we are Twins and he’s feeling me unhealthy why would I overeat?

 

Well If he’s going to sabotage us , so am I

so You will be double unhealthy great plan!

 

 

I know without doubt when I get healthy he will no longer have the urge to smoke, its how twins work. We get healthy together. Today is a new day my mind is shut off, my ego is not allowed to have a say so in this. I will no longer attack my partner for what he is doing! I will no longer blame him for me being unhealthy!

 

When I fall off the wagon this is no ones issue but mine, I will no longer blame anyone else, I will no longer look for anyone else’s faults, I will go inside and find what it is I am doing to cause this behavior, It all begins within me, the destruction or the healing, I choose healing!

Love Lois

Parentless Abandon…

simbadadwakeupParentless Abandon…..

As we embrace the truth about abandonment we also realize that the most vital part of our journey happens when we are brought into the world. In this world we vest in our first true place of connection in the relationship we have with our biological parents. Of this we find that we truly never see how we find ways to abandon ourselves. Here is an example… As a child even at an early age we were taught not to touch things.. or use to much energy in this I was the wild child.. Placed on Ritalin. This was a drug that as a description was what I was given…

Methylphenidate is used as part of a treatment program (including psychological, educational, and social measures) to treat attention deficit hyperactivity disorder – ADHD. It can help increase your ability to pay attention, stay focused on an activity, and control behavior problems. It may also help you to organize your tasks and improve listening skills. This medication is also used to treat a certain sleep disorder (narcolepsy). Methylphenidate is a mild stimulant that is thought to work by changing the amounts of certain natural substances in the brain.

They have since changed this to Adderal… which is the same but maybe less….

It reads as follows…
This medication may cause withdrawal reactions, especially if it has been used regularly for a long time or in high doses. In such cases, withdrawal symptoms (including severe tiredness, sleep problems, mental/mood changes such as depression) may occur if you suddenly stop using this medication. To prevent withdrawal reactions, your doctor may reduce your dose gradually.
Along with its benefits, this medication may rarely cause abnormal drug-seeking behavior (addiction). This risk may be increased if you have abused alcohol or drugs in the past. Take this medication exactly as prescribed to lessen the risk of addiction. Do not increase your dose or use this drug more often or for longer than prescribed. Properly stop this medication when so directed.
When this medication is used for a long time, it may not work as well. Talk with your doctor if this medication stops working well.

Now, I am no doctor, nor would I claim that this is purposeful to myself or any other human being, but I can state the obvious… When we become isolated and told we can’t focus, we become isolated, by being asked to be in control, and be controlled by others. What does this do to your sense of self if you don’t know how to communicate what is happening to the voice in the head that we are told to have… Remember getting in trouble and being told to think about your actions.. Yet, when you did what did to get into trouble, you clearly weren’t thinking at all… The outcome of this is that you now will think about the consequences and somewhere inside you is a seed that will be planted for how you view the outside world, and how you are treated within it.… Now if you would have asked me then, what I was feeling, and why I was constantly out of control! It wouldn’t have made sense, that I was out of control because I was always being controlled. This wasn’t a bad thing but when you are placed in this state of being… Here is what the result would look like. If I would have been asked why I was all over the place, I would have not been able to hear anything I was too busy being a ball of energy… Yet, for breakfast I had 2 bowls of Cap’n Crunch and 3 cups of hawaiian punch.. (yes a child running on pure sugar….) I played with all of my toys, and my brothers toys, and I just wanted to play… Heck I was only 5. Yet if I did something wrong threw a toy at my brother or broke the toy… It was a devastating truth that I was beat or smacked.. Now this will only translate into something that creates a behavior in me and a thought process that enabled the behavior…. Now I see this, as I didn’t feel loved, I felt hurt, Yet, what did I do that was the cause and effect of this? When we hurt, and can’t find our way to express the words that are impacting us, at such a young age.. We have to tell us something inside as a reason why those things happened… We scream, and cry, and then the whole I am running away words come to us to give us much needed protection or understanding… It was a way of defense, or a way of crying out… You see how this was? Just a way to use the mind for something that was already dark in nature with no true understanding of it other than it was taught from my parents parents from their parents.. We are all infected with this.. We become isolated in thinking about our actions and what those actions caused us in return…the beginning of a lie….

At about 8 years old was taken off Ritalin, and was way out of control.. to focus was hard because I was detoxing… and then I just felt lazy all the time.. I didn’t understand why I had no desire to play sports, to do things that were team oriented… at this point I had a lie in me that told me I was always going to disappoint people and I was unworthy of any type of privilege let alone to play with no abandon… Shortly there after my father stopped coming home to visit, but when he did, it was a full on report of all the bad things I did.. And he was the punisher, or the corrections officer of my choices, and of my doing things that were not with the rules….

I remember being stuck in a hallway at a desk facing the wall trying to do a math problem that I didn’t understand and was told I was stupid this was said repeatedly to me… and for hours I sat…. I relived and replayed this moment in my head, most of my life.. The feeling that happened to me in that moment and the thought process that was stricken inside me. I was forever abandoned by myself and my choices… I tried to be smart.. I tried to be logical.. Yet it would seem I would bore easily with simple task, or even complex task… I actually was pretty smart as I learned differently… I could learn by chaotic listening which is not normal by any stretch. Sitting at the table though… what I was saying inside myself was that I was worthless, I was unworthy of love, I was never going to amount to anything, I would never be able to take care of myself. I let everyone down… I was stupid, and the most powerful I wish I was never born… My parents would still be together if I was not those things mostly the last one…

The power of thinking is found in this and what it meant in my being… I no longer trusted my own choices or my actions or anything that my parents stated what they would say to me… I was on the lonely island of rebellion and survival is all it came down to.

I hurt… I was deeply wounded burying my root which was the truth… NO words would work… cause no one was listening, no one could hear me… What does this do to a child who is going to be in effect in this line of thinking for the next 30 years???
It will create lies in a life in reality that self worth was none… love was completely evasive and yet inside this child which was abandoned by the being that was growing was to be ignored. Everything was about the physical, everything was about the dream to protect to project and keep the box inside him hidden… It all was hidden in the box of what I told myself, no one else could feel.. No one else was hearing my thinking… Yet I could see the box in other people.. The place where they are lost, The dot on their heads that kept them from seeing how connected they were and the lies that are they holding onto that they created to keep themselves going. I was broken…SHATTERED inside the broken…

This was about the parentless existence I created it was about the parentless lie that I created to hide yet keep the pain… and to keep the pain alive through suffering. I always felt I was going to endure pain and that pain did find me almost every time. Every glimpse of true love I found.. love showed me true pain… If it wasn’t from something or someone outside me, it was always by something I did to create my own pain… I never realized I had given myself permission to suffer.. This permission was my own abandonment of myself.. When this became my truth the lies of what was my truth had to be gone into deeply to see this clearly…. It was abandonment, not from everyone outside me that tried to get me to see that they were not going to abandon me with love, but because I was already deep inside abandoning myself….

Abandonment is this… A lie that keeps us from our truth that we can’t abandon what we feel! Our mind can trap the emotion to give you the lie you need to abandon what you feel.. When you do this, you have silently given everyone else the energy to do what you have done to yourself! Abandon yourself….

Love Deeply,

Clark

Twin Flame Abandonment….

shattered heartIntimate abandonment…

 

When you know you are not at peace, your knowing creates a still space that

surrounds your non-peace in a loving and tender embrace and then transmutes your non peace into peace. As far as inner transformation is concerned, there is nothing you can do about it. You cannot transform yourself, and you certainly cannot transform your partner or anybody else. All you can do is create a space for transformation to happen, for grace and love to enter.

 

So whenever your relationship is not working, whenever it brings out the “madness” in you

and in your partner, be glad. What was unconscious is being brought up to the light. It is an

opportunity for salvation. Every moment, hold the knowing of that moment, particularly of

your inner state. If there is anger, know that there is anger. If there is jealousy, defensiveness,

the urge to argue, the need to be right, an inner child demanding love and attention, or emotional pain of any kind – whatever it is, know the reality of that moment and hold the knowing. The relationship then becomes your Sadhana, your spiritual practice.

 

If you observe unconscious behavior in your partner, hold it in the loving embrace of your knowing so that you won’t react. Unconsciousness and knowing cannot coexist for long – even if the knowing is only in the other person and not in the one who is acting out the unconsciousness. The energy form that lies behind hostility and attack finds the presence of love absolutely intolerable. If you react at all to your partner’s unconsciousness, you become unconscious yourself. But if you then remember to know your reaction, nothing is lost.  Humanity is under great pressure to evolve because it is our only chance of survival as a race. This will affect every aspect of your life and close relationships in particular. Never before have relationships been as problematic and conflict ridden as they are now. As you may have noticed, they are not here to make you happy or fulfilled. If you continue to pursue the goal of salvation through a relationship, you will be disillusioned again and again. But if you accept that the relationship is here to make you conscious instead of happy, then the relationship will offer you salvation, and you will be aligning yourself with the higher consciousness that wants to be born into this world. For those who hold on to the old patterns, there will be increasing pain, violence, confusion, and madness.

 

Ulrich T.

 

 

The consciousness of space is an energy that you are.. the difference in what is written here is probably the most powerfully transformative information about relationships ever written.  It is direct and to the point.  If your energy is passionate imagine what this energy must come off as if it is contained and able to be expressed.  When I was going through seeking this energy of love and it’s passion that I knew existed I realized this very important written release of what my mind was telling me.  Instead of seeking this and sharing what I wanted in passion I was entirely responsible for that passion and it’s release and it’s ability to be given.

 

The most vital experience here was to understand what it was that I dreamed and how to not try and bring that into the world by sharing the thoughts that I was about to make passionate with love from my own energy. I always dreamed of becoming dominant is very sexy dream induced sexual situations.. Mainly because the submissive energy would draw that out.. The sexiness of not being able to keep my eyes off of her.. the way she would dress, The short skirt the sexy spiked heels, the red lipstick and red fingernails that I would see digging into my ass as I pummeled away at her… It was in the meaning to be sexy, yet doing so because she would feel this in herself called to my energy in ways I haven’t been able to communicate because I didn’t know how to communicate this, yet the energy itself would ooze sexiness to me. The dream state of being this way to each other.  I didn’t understand my dreams and what they were trying to show me.  The passion of it though would wake me.. It wasn’t about the act of sex that would ensue, it was the energy of time that was being removed from being that intimate with her that I searched for.

 

Of course this can be captured without making this something you have to tell someone to do,  This energy is where I knew the connection of twins was met in her,  It wasn’t about the connection of what we shared in moments awake,  It was that mirror of when I looked into her eyes I knew she was the one who I had been dreaming this all along with.

 

Now you couple this with the other part of what we both are in the world of form and it becomes lost, every energy that I know that is out there this is the most powerful and awakening to no longer live humanly but to always be in a constant state of this dream.  For me it becomes lost because it becomes something that doesn’t have an answer to.

 

The human condition of love ensues this is the ego, and it’s demands to be what the view of the ego needs for this to be in non-peace.  The search of finding such a thing escapes because it becomes about the thinking mind it’s continued blabbing about content and labeling.   My mind states this repeatedly, “She is not attracted to me in that space anymore!”  What is wrong with me? Am I getting to old? Do I look worse? Am I not in the best shape? Is it that I don’t take care of myself by smoking?  Is my hair falling out?  Are my kisses not stirring like they used to be? Can she not see this passion in my eyes anymore to know this is still in me and has grown substantially?

 

This is a very uncomfortable state of being.   Our love making becomes more about the love and seems to suffer less in the passion of lust that I know that is still in me consumed yet it was placed there because it became out of control.…  It fed the ego the need to be with multiple women trying to find a way to quech this thirst within me.  Not because I wanted it that way, but because without a template growing up to see this happen in real time between two that were connected.. I don’t know the path to take!

 

I don’t know if I am the reason that she isn’t able to communicate or see the place inside me that this is, I know she wants to heal this as much as I do, yet the complexity of the communication doesn’t mirror this for us to see it clearly without making this a very hurtful conversation.   For this is what I was hoping we both would be able to communicate compassionately to discover it and be honest and true about it without hurting each other to understand it better and birth it into a truth that we both embrace.   I felt lost when I realized that we aren’t that way with each other and that it is unspoken yet it is the biggest elephant in the connection we share,  It is about the connection as much as it is about the mind.  This inside of me buried as it is from the mind, In my truth, it is this that causes her to seek food as a comfort, over indulging, escaping, habit forming in thought that keeps us separate in this from my mind. Then I feel her rejection that is going on in her thought process that I may be doing and am responsible for, and that energy spoken or not continues what I hear in my head and though I have these thoughts in a space I just let stay there, unsure of how to speak about it or state it being in fear it will cause conflict or pain from what isn’t healed that I want to heal in us both.   It is this which keeps her from me, in this unspoken energy it is not just in me but it is in her as well.  The physical body that we both posses is shared, and I can feel this energy in her as I do my own. Sometimes hard to breathe, or hard to push myself to move my body to do what it can do, knowing in me what it was made to do, is more of a chore than it is a want or need.  Does my truth need to be that I want her to lose the weight to remove this from us both, to be more confident, to be more sexy in herself, she is already sexy to me, but the clothes I know she wants to wear she doesn’t even own, and I dream of always buying her clothes, shoes, things I did for others that we haven’t even ventured into that I so deeply want for her and I to experience. I do have the fear I just recently helped someone who was that way and lost all the weight and works out everyday and started to dress sexy and feel good inside herself, wanting her husband to take more notice and be more sexual with her.  She came dressed to a new years eve party and he was upset with what she was wearing and didn’t see her energy as truth, instead he became self conscious and thought what she was wearing was to revealing. And that she was seeking outside attention where to her this was the furthest thing in her, she loves him and is in love with him. Yet, what ended up happening in the energy that I spoke about being in passion, was that a close friend of theirs started flirting heavily with her, feeling rejection and abandoned by the husband who when out to the store to get more party favors, It went further in his absence and it happened they ended up having sex, passionate powerful animalistic sex.  It was her resolving the feeling of being wanted, and that her husbands energy was so negative in that he wasn’t seeing that she wanted the advances from him that she now was thinking that it best not to tell him of this yet to keep the marriage in tact.…

 

I deeply fear this as anyone would, I remember when I was younger my mother who I was living with and my father who was gone showed me this same kind of energy.  I used to sneak out at night with a girl one night though I came in at about 2, The phone rang as I opened the door, I was panicked, I closed it and stepped into the basement pacing about on how to explain what I was doing up and what I was  doing outside thinking that I was caught for sure.  I then heard my mother come downstairs I could hear her footsteps then I heard her stop and then the next thing I heard was heels walking about.. High heels… Unsure of what would happen next I went into the laundry room and I heard the door open from the back and then the door to the downstairs open.  I moved quietly into this space behind the heater in which I could see through the slits in the paneling of the wall.  My mother was dressed absolutely sexy.. then a man’s voice was heard stating exactly what I was thinking.  A short skirt, spiked heels and nothing on underneath.  The next 45 minutes were filled with animalistic passion. I was lost, and I was confused and on one hand I understood what was happening on the other I was bewildered.  I had never seen passion unleashed like this, well maybe later on watching cinemax or the movie channel, but something in me wanted what happened in that basement.  Ashamed and somewhat lost, it started to happen when I tried to explain to my girlfriend at the time what happened.  Then it began she did those things to entice me.. I was captivated and lost in it.  I felt lost as to what this meant to be married as the man who was there was married and so was my mom who I truly didn’t see the same way again.  Something became altered in this view.  about two years later I became fully sexually active and got caught sneaking out. It was an explosion always in the making. I was sent to live with my father, he was living with another woman and helping to raise her son..  She was absolutely gorgeous and dressed the same as my mother was when that happened.  She was a little thing though, very curvy and didn’t hold anything back when dressing just to go to the store.  As you can see this began long before I even realized how this spiked in me.

 

In me It is a thought process in energy that I want her to be slim enough to throw around in the bedroom, dress her sexy, and find closed confined spaces that our bodies can do more things to each other removing time and removing the energy that is keeping this from being a great part of our connection.

 

Do I feel her energy in this that she wants to be that for me, rather than be that for herself.  How do I communicate this with her?  Without this causing some deep seeded pain that she is still healing from because she put the weight on to make herself seem unwanted to stop the act of violence that was done to her.  How do I see this clearly and state the truth of what we are to each other without hiding it and continuing this gap in passion we so deeply are to each other. Is this the bind that we need to keep communicating and working with together to change?  Or will this hurt her because I see her in a light that mirrors my own undoing.

 

 

 

Am I to blame the love of my life deeply embedded in my energy as she is to me, would be able to be responsible to bring something that would be what I dreamed. Is this selfish of me?  The dream was a calling!  I could feel it, and I could experience it all to myself.

 

When I went through realizing how this made me unconscious, I also realized how many I had done this to, and they couldn’t feel it in themselves to feel the energy and how powerful it was to give that to them from deep inside of me.   This had to be brought into my consciousness, not for the sake of them, but for the sake of myself and my being awake. I so deeply want this with her, but how do I speak of it and not show my truth of pain that it is very animalistic and very seductive in nature.  I was birthed into this and stayed in it my entire existence till I was awakened for myself.

 

As you find your twin this will be a very significant challenge for the voice in the head that you have  been with your entire life becomes awakened.  Blending this with your consciousness is unescapable.   The twin can see this in you as you can see this in yourself.  You know that the passion is there, you know that the passion is deep within you.  The energy is there to feel with all that you are.  The confines of what this is when it becomes dormant is what happens when the other energy polarities are placed inside you to share with you don’t have the ability for you to embrace it without their help, without there input, without there sacrifice to see that this energy is the dragon in you unleashed.  It is the vault door of your truth.  As simple as it is to undo, there is the sense of abandonment that you feel will follow if the other can’t see it the non peace that you are in when you try and speak about it or communicate it from a place deep within you.

 

Being vulnerable in this is where this most emotional places within you become your strength.  I wait for the place this is.  Yet not communicating it made it stale and made it predictable. Yet the unpredictable place of how this becomes combined in our connection is what I want her to experience with me.

 

I am scared, I am unsure, I am…

 

My love for her so strong for what I am to her because she opened the door to what I was inside myself to myself.

 

Your I amness sprouts from the energy of what is deep within you not within someone else. You bring this into you as you would the air you breathe.

 

 

Love deeply,

 

Clark

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How come, he can walk away easily?

Dear Clark,

I always wondered why a man can do a female wrong time after time & she will still be by his side. But when a female does ONE THING wrong the man leaves instantly.

father-son11

A mother CAN abandon their child, yet the child who’s father left the mother placed a hole in the child in the shape of a father, and now will duplicate this behavior without knowing how to communicate their emotional hurt in pain and change this cycle, it is why men can do this easily they are taught by this action alone without any level of pain or what caused the pain.  It would seem that when a child has this as a hole within them can point to what the expectation is to include the abandonment of both!

The suffering that this causes is the creation of why we are in a country were 24 million children are without a father.  Unless or until a man is willing to stand in their pain and accept this truth to share this pain as a way to end the suffering this will continue.  This is how they will heal this by accepting their truth and knowing their pain! You can’t fix this cycle without acceptance of the truth inside yourself let alone the pain that it gives you.

A fatherless daughter -This suffering also has it’s fuel, as a woman you will seek out a man who will abandon you easily, as this is what happened with your first experience with a man if you are a fatherless daughter whether daddy was in your life, yet absent emotionally, or all together physically not in your life you will seek this in a man that you will choose.  You will even compromise and even find men who are unavailable because you need to fill this hole inside of you as a father may or may not been in your life but didn’t express the energy you needed because they didn’t lack the communication you needed to heal this.  You had to tell yourself a lie about yourself to try and make sense of why this was missing.  The truth is you hurt, and you suffer in that hurt doing things in acceptance that are not love, but could in turn be an emotional clinging with no understanding why.  You will try and fix this in them, as a means to fix this in yourself.  You will find a man who will hurt you in this way without knowing this is the energy you are calling to, not seeing that you are in pain, and make a choice to stay in this pain.

This is why the attachment is different from a mans viewpoint.. A man will not see the emotional attachment as a woman will base this on how the man is or isn’t emotionally available… If his mother has always done nothing but protect him, and he never was able to speak about what his pain was regardless of his actions.  It isn’t that never did the man not trust his mother, he will seek out this in relationships.. someone who will continue with him to ignore this pain to create the same energy that a man has become accustomed to with his mother.  If she was always attacking him and punishing him without showing him how to heal from what pain causes these actions.  He will seek relationships similar to this as he makes the choice to be in relationships.  He will seek a woman who is ok with him not sharing his pain and accepting him regardless of his actions and lack of knowing how to communicate his heart that is hurt or that is of emotional energy.  This removal of being attached makes it probable that there is a hidden pain that will be found out by the woman.  In most if not all cases if a man is able to walk away and be unforgiving it is because it was done to him by his father or mother.. The ability to walk away from a relationship is taught by experiencing it with no reason.  If a man can do this they were abandoned by their father.  There was no explanation and no looking back.  The male child will now duplicate this behavior. This to the son who’s father leaves or is absent in their life will not know how to be understanding of those actions.

In most cases they will be in the relationship with only one foot out the door no matter the time line of the relationship. The cycle doesn’t end there, they will seek out like energy to include a relationship where the woman has children and the father is absent in the children’s lives.  This will turn into a challenging relationship as the man will take a full role in being as the children are cause of the energy feels the same.  It is the law of energy that is the truth not the thought process as it hasn’t become aware in this way.  How could it?  If this was seen as it was with energy wouldn’t it be up to both male and female to heal this one child at a time, to include the inner child they both have?

Love Deeply

Clark

My dear Past,

OUTATIME-carMy dear PAST,

I am writing you this letter so you can keep it close to you to understand why I am leaving you, you have given me second guesses, you have made life with others tolerable, and you have always given me the perfect reason to hide myself from others who didn’t deserve it!

I wanted to also inform you that because I will not be with you any longer I am going to accept the present moment more fully as my committed partner for existence here.  You always didn’t like the present moment and I get it, the present moment is a very sexy thing to try and compete with.  I know this will be hard for you and I hope that some day you will understand that it wasn’t you! IT WAS ME!

I just couldn’t be the man you wanted me to be repeatedly. It made me hard to understand, it gave me excuses to have pain that I would inflict on others. I just didn’t feel that was right of you to do that!  I had many affairs on you, I would sneak and meet someone and not hold their past against them and they wouldn’t hold my past against me (hell there were times you told me it was ok to keep it from others).  Then somehow, someway you would convince me to sleep with you again.  That wasn’t right. I did eventually leave them for you. Cause you were just to intoxicating for me to remove from myself.  I do want you to know I have released you from any alimony or child support. In other words you no longer have to pay for trips back down memory lane that will make me make a decision to endure your kind of pain. Cause my future will remain unknown to me.  Me and the present moment have spoken to this in great lengths. It is again not about you… IT IS ABOUT ME. I just realized it!  The present moment also said that I could not have any affairs with a little part of you or the future. So I know that this was a trying message to read.  But I thought I would leave a few things for you to realize going forward in the terms of the restraining order.

1) You are not allowed to come into my life to try and tell me what is going to happen, you must remain more than a mile away from me at all times.

2) Any lie you hear me tell myself about love, you are not allowed to come in and give it validity.

3) Anger, resentment, punishment, are mine to take in that moment as I take it, it will not build!  You have a restraining order PAY ATTENTION TO NUMBER 1 RULE!

4) You under no condition will try and tell me what love is or what it isn’t!  Your the past you can’t possible know what love is in this moment. Hence why I am leaving you for THE PRESENT MOMENT!

5) Don’t try to surface telling me I will be more protective and guarded of myself and my experiences that are in the present moment with you around. You aren’t psychic so stop claiming to be you have a catalog of history be a history teacher not a present moment connoisseur. I am not going to believe it to repeat it!

6) YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!  THE PRESENT MOMENT GAVE YOU YOUR TERMINATION PAPERS! READ IT AND GET TO STEPPING!

7) I believe I can fly without you, in other words you clipped my wings for long enough with your ability to tell me who I was with repeated memories of pain and more pain. My wings got weighted down with tar thanks to you.  NO MORE!

8) You are not allowed to use my mind against me. You can not find a way in manipulating things that i currently doing trying to show me all the different scenarios of what is to come based on results that were in the past.  Again this isn’t about you! It’s about ME!

9) You are not allowed to find a pathway into dreams, into day or night or other. It isn’t that I don’t love you completely I do in fact hence why I am letting you go completely.

10) Don’t take my love for granted, it will grow now because of your absence. It will realize there never had to be a limit and it will heal in your absorption of love I have inside me to make me the man she needs and wants. The present moment sends love your way, that you will find peace.

These are the guidelines for this divorce and I know you will have no choice to but to abide my wishes as it would show me how much you don’t love me by breaking these rules!

Wishing you luck finding another to pursue this with,

Clark Kent Esq.