Do you have a switch and wonder how you can shut off your emotions!
Take a look here!
Do you have a switch and wonder how you can shut off your emotions!
Take a look here!
Vibrational Energy of unconditional love
What is this exactly, well it is the true source of what the statement above implies, what we don’t see about this in energy is what this does to us without seeing it in truth.
The vibration we experience that rattles us into being always gets a push outward we don’t see how this pushes us inward. The echoes of what we become by the story we have kept inside causes this path and that path to keep us from being.
See this as a chime of sorts, we can hear it outside and dont really hear it from inside the chime, where the ringing is even louder.
If that wasn’t enough then see how this energy of connection does this to the liberty bell, the size is enough to see and hear the ringing for miles away and inside the bell is such a vibration going on, the shear age of the liberty bell matters not for the ringing and vibration continue even after can no longer hear it, how long do you think that happens? It happens for moments we don’t see because we live mainly outside ourselves in the illusion we are not able to experience what is inside of us.
So when you find a great love how does this show up when your bell is rung, it is ringing outward and we don’t see the obstacles of vibration that it has to get around inside because of the traveling done to reach our core as it does start to ring from inside you. It does get to the core that is why we lose so much in time, we start creating a thought process of how this will either be right or how this will be completely wrong.
Most who are in the despair of darkness can’t see the light, not even seeing that they are the light, and you shine this inward, you separate the being, from the ego which ignites the ego stronger creating a false self that says almost anything and everything. You can see the truth about what obstacles your story has created and you carry that, some even make the statement I have been healed!
The story is what you say inside yourself and give permission to the word healing. All healing happens and it is always on going, other than that it can lie dormant with a distorted view of what the condition are that are keeping you from cementing in unconditional love.
True love happens with the word that is first in it, true which is truth. Here is where the ego keeps you locked away from paradise and it keeps this as way to keep you from yourself and your true radiant place in being.
You have to unlock the truth and see that healing is what the word implies, you heal in past and in future always in the present moment. What you don’t hide is brought into the light and what you don’t keep locked away can no longer keep the story as the same story!
Many come and see that work has to be done, and when they go into themselves they see the deeper meaning beyond how the world of healing gives you to your true state of being. If you embrace the truth, then it renders what you see in the world as your illusion so much is granted in how you can unlock everything. Including the impossible!
How do you experience true unconditional love, is there conditions keeping you from truly seeing it and do you see that seeking this outside is hindered by the inside of you that has to go through all of the story to reach you?
What if the truth was that all positive and negative energy has created the path for you to see this more clearly in going in and doing the work to make the bell ring even deeper to feel your truth in connection. We can keep this lock on so long before it does the echoing needed to shine the radiant true love you can experience.
How do you unlock your truth? How do you keep your secrets hidden? What would happen to you if what you said was healed inside had to be gone into again to see yourself more clearly? How much love would you send out then without the variables of obstacles that can open you to the truth?
How much love would you embrace if you could be more transparent to see it ringing within you!
Humbled… In LOVE
When we started this part of our journey, and how it has evolved over time, we didn’t quite understand what it was that was being created. It seemed as though the universe was trying to give us a message about what it was that we went through, and why we went through it. When I was looking for a new job in my career, the job market at best was just downright illusive.
We were going through how are we going to do this? And how are we going to do that! Not sure of what was going on, we decided to at least leave a place where this could all be found for those that have experienced the pains of connection we all struggle through. If nothing more, what we did to each other, we knew In the truth that we kept the torture to ourselves to each other how the activated mind would infect the soul. How with such pains, we endured would we ever find our peace in this connection? Well we did, we found our path to all conditions and then found the place where we found the switches that kept us apart in those conditions.
This led us to do what we do, and that is why it is here for free, from youtube, the radio shows, our groups, yet we did realize if we didn’t find work or find a way to sustain, we would not be with the means of internet, without computers, without a phone to communicate, and also the things that go along with it!
So to offer something that stayed with what we could do for individuals, and couples to ensure we can maintain this, we found we can take someone through to their truth for them to see themselves to break their conditions of love that keep them from the unconditional love we all deserve.
In this we decided to take the time to offer coaching, root sessions, soul guidance, in this to pay our bills, this does’t have the gifts we do have to be advertised, in such that we offer medium guidance, channeling support or any other that we are really strong with. We do what we do for survival, and when we reach our bills being paid, we give away as much as we receive. We had to find a way to support the to pay the rent to our apartment, pay the electric, etc… instead of randomly posting or not doing this at all, we can see where it would lead with more finding this truth with our words and everything we can share. We don’t hide who we are, we don’t have any reason to keep this world from the path found to unconditional love! We are reaching out to those that can find this place to hear this inside themselves, whether they can hear it or not.
Last year when the unemployment ran out and we started living off our retirement, our savings, our investments, I started to panic, always being a provider I was eager to work but just knew I would be working 70 hours a week again. Which is not what this union wanted, it was to the union a path way paved to bring the truth to all things love, it kept pointing to what would unlock everyone in relationships, what would unlock everyone in love in unconditional motion.
We kept writing and sharing what we endured to come into union. I know many came here and wondered if it was real or made up… Sherry was eager on placing us before the world for she kept dreaming of it and saying they need to see us. They need to see we are real! It was unbelievable the donation, the sessions and everything else that came that have helped us through what we are doing and for now, being able to do so!
The ways that others found us in this connection, and how much we were giving away in our truth that finally brought us so close together, we found the depth of love that we knew were completely unheard of, and how it brought us together! It called to us to share this! We are always together in everything we do, there was no need for a split, and it gave such a thing that you can see a union that came from pure destruction built on the foundation of finally the truth and the deep love that it can bring.
We started to offer to speak to those that hide in the dark with the soul intact, screaming inside, wanting to find answers to what they experience and what the mind has done to condemn them to never be able to share their truth. The relationship to the self whether completely broken or not needs a path to where the origin of being broken with conditions began. These conditions are made to be broken to being unconditional, We went down the path of undiscovered truth, we know in our depth in connection how this works and what it takes, and will not leave your side during this decent that you have to make a choice to go down on your own.
We didn’t realize that what we have been doing was creating a path in understanding how both masculine and feminine energy in unconditional love have great pains to endure to find out the truth to birth the truth in you and how that path needs to come to light.
We are here sharing everything, we were told to give away as much as we receive, do so with love, and expect to keep doing this as each month that goes by until we can’t do it for whatever the universe has in store for us. This includes how make our bills and keep finding a way to be here for you all! If it does come to a halt know that we are still with you and you can find all of this here. It is here with you in spirit and here with you just as it is with us in our soul!
This post is for those that don’t understand why we are marketing our services and what we do in how we do it. It wasn’t that it needed an explanation, it just needed to be placed under the light of truth which is what we are. We will keep sharing and being here for as long as we are needed and can be here to do so, we do this at the mercy of what the universe wants us to bring into the world of unconditional! You are more inside their dear soul that is why this is here! To point you to the truth!
We love you all, and thank you for being here and for finding us and for all your support! And those that seek our time and pay for it to go the path, we thank you for without you our family would not be able to continue to do as we do!
Many of things have been written on this topic and what it means in truth. We have spent many of existences trying to signify what this ability is. When we love, we do this from a place inside that says we are something more!
Some love in material, some love in physical, and some are just not sure how to access love in the way it doesn’t have conditions.
The more pure love is without conditions the more powerful it can be to give it not just to others but to oneself. What are conditions to love, it is the thinking that infects it. examples of this are;
I love you but,
I love you and,
I love you except,
I love you yet I can’t,
All love of self, whether just being, (being meaning inside yourself) which is primary in self love, means not seeking the love in yourself in the mind. In the mind you will have thinking of past, future, right or wrong, statements of self that are illusionary at best.
Why does the mind need to be involved here and what if it is? This can be a story we say inside the mind, inside the body, a story that has a good or bad narrative. This story has such a way of infecting us in the mind and not seeking the truth about the love we are regardless. If you are reading this, and you can suddenly feel your heartbeat, then realize you are connected to love in such a way, that no story, no matter of thinking can say you are not love. Your heartbeats in sync with the person sitting next to you in school, work, or other.
The difference in all love is the story we tell ourselves about love. I was infected by the story and the story teller did such a narrative that made it possible for me to ignore the truth about all things love and also gave me a reason to think my love was tainted and a mess. All love is messy in this way. We see each other and don’t see the love, we see the physical manifestations of love but the illusions created by the story we have keep us from the depth this love can give us.
It matters not what you do with your story as far as love is concerned. Some of the most powerful moments in love have no mind regardless of what the mind will tell you. Just a simple embrace of the arms around you. The holding of ones hand, the soft touch of the jawline or even my dear favorite that my mother used to do rub my head. I know sounds kind of like a dog but as we are shown affections in love growing up we seek those that will give us these same affections as a matter of trust and of love. My mother was also very prominent of looking into our eyes to see if we were in there. At least that is what I remember from way back when.
In moments of the now, I miss those times, I know that my energy becomes almost sad as I wish I would feel those moments again, as they rarely happened to me as I got older. Yet it seemed to get my attention outside of my story as they did. I suffered a lot in my story, not feeling good enough, not feeling deserving of that kind of affection. This love was left empty and my material way of love became more of what I was seeking. For they did teach me how to be a provider and not asking or speaking about what I truly needed and wanted feel inside the story of I don’t deserve it, I am not good enough to receive that from anyone. Yes this story has such a way of showing itself to the world inside of me.
I do get to experience it when I go inside and keep my eyes closed and I can feel the love she knows she gave me and I know I experienced.
We have a choice to see the conditions we have on love, whether it could be that someone in pain caused us pain, and then we point at them and make them out to be the martyr. Yet what we do have is a choice. The choice to love them anyway and stay out of harms way for them to keep hurting us and only be there when they see they are hurting themselves in their actions and inside of their story.
If you are in love with yourself do you see the conditions you have in yourself that need to be removed? Can you see the truth of what would happen if you removed them? How deep would you love if you made this one condition on love which is to have no conditions to truly experience how beautiful you are to experience it?
If you were to lose all material in this moment, what would you give to show your love to yourself?
Love is not just a way of being, it is truly the ability to let go!
We all reach a place where we wonder will everything turn out alright, will this all be a mistake if I choose to go this direction. What if I become something I don’t want to be. The truth about fear is, it is paralyzing and keeps you from the moment where everything is as it is. I remember the fear I had when I started writing all those years ago, not sure if what I was even writing made sense, or even what I was saying, did it truly touch anyone? I know what I felt inside and it was trying to make me see a past or future where the thought process was only going to give me one failed result. Failure!
It wasn’t until I stopped writing, for what I dreamed, and started writing from what I could feel. I had to make sense of it somehow. I guess it was my true source of healing. Yet what was left was the fear. It always seems that when I say or write anything I feel a sadness lurk about inside that says no one gets it, no one understands. Yet here I am doing this same ole thing again. Wondering if I made the right choice, or am I doing the right thing.
I had so much to heal then, as I still do now, I found out the truth about healing, it can creep up on moments we are in fear or when we just don’t know why we are even speaking anymore. Anticipation of what is to come of what has been left here for family, friends, stumblers and the like. I only know that one day it will be gone into and something more powerful will arise from the fear that enabled me to stand there in silence but found a way to write it here for others to see they are not alone.
The fear of someone thinking your are crazy, that you have lost your marbles. This judgement that we do to ourselves always gives our fear it’s greatest strength. It blocks us in the midnight hour keeping us awake to play mental movies of the pain we see coming our way not even seeing the pain is there with us in that moment.
The energy of fear is strong enough to help us keep the lies we tell ourselves inside alive. The alive creates a persona we keep and find a distinct role in playing this out. Keeping our love hidden inside, fighting our hidden screams in terror knowing that we can’t find all the missing pieces of the puzzle to find out what this all means. We never put ourselves in the puzzle we are not seeing the edges of how we fit into the puzzle so we don’t put ourselves in it.
When she kept convincing me to speak from this ancient soul of mine, I had a ton of fear! Actually still do, for I can always feel no one is listening but they can feel me and what I am saying. They have this space inside to. The one the fear stays in control of and keeps the ego running or chasing it’s tail not seeing why when they go a different direction that darned tail keeps getting away from them.
Fear has a lot to do with acceptance, what we can’t accept we fear, what we do accept well there is a certain amount of fear with it to. Something that seems on the inside we will suffer from in any form of acceptance.
For years and years I ran from myself for I had to much fear to face myself, to see myself as everyone else did. I was by far the worse fear happening to myself. My choices, my challenges. Yet it also seemed that after I became more aware of energy the fear was then utilized to look even deeper to myself that ever before. Fear is what showed me that what I couldn’t love about myself I couldn’t let others love about me. This was mind blowing but also very real. I realized I was only going to be as strong as my own fear. That fear was mine to do something with or I was going to lose what mattered most at that time. Myself!
The truth about fear is that it doesn’t have any real truth. Nothing tangible anyway just a thought process that calls to self annihilation.
Next time you feel fear ask it what it wants from you, if it tries to take you from the present moment realize that it is only the illusion of pain that you already have somewhere inside and hold yourself through it. Never let it tell you what others think, never let it tell you that you are not love, and mostly never let it keep you in a cycle of thought to make you lose what matters most! The deep love you have for yourself.
Remember fear is love inside of it, it makes you feel the threat of love being taken away somehow. It just isn’t true you can’t take away something you are! You are love dear soul!
Healing series wrap up: Truth in being!
When we have lived our lives full of lies, not the lies we tell other people but the lies we endure inside the self. That space inside the mind that says I am not able to be loved, I am not able to get through this, I am lost to this and this has such a pain in it no one will love me for it. I know what I felt inside me the day this was very present in me. I remember feeling the lost feeling, and there inside me was this great pain.
I knew that I had to stand in it now, there was no turning back and the lies that my pain had surrounding it gave me no more purpose! No more reason to run, no more reason to hide, no more reason to chase! I could feel it and know that it was going to destroy me, and what I had created inside myself to keep me from this very deep pain I had to embrace. There was no more Mother’s arms to run into because of the pain. It was gone! My beliefs as few as they had been branded from when she left this world were very much another new form of lying I had that gave me truth but no comfort in the truth. I was uncomfortable and what was put together now was shattered. The year prior in my attempt to take my own life wasn’t without this moment. I was now faced with not being the man she was ever going to get to see in this world. And the uncomfortable experience I was left with was the conditions that I hurt from. This shattering was the egos final attempt in breaking every template I could access to find a true love I could live with not even seeing what was left when this was finding it’s path to me.
Flash back to November 5, 2008 6:47 a.m.
That morning the pain was unbearable I woke and could feel something was different, It was the first time that I channeled and knew I was channeling something that was not of this world. I knew she was gone, the energy came and told me what I was to bring here now. The templates were no longer something I could access, only the truth.
The truth of how painful this was is all I can share with you and hopefully bring you to the place this shattering did to me and my lies.
The template of the vessel is a recorded function of what we are in love, never are you not this love, and as you create ego the vessel endures it’s mission.
As I now was faced with the loss of the unconditional love that I thought would always be there in my existence in the physical. My mothers voice came through during her attack as her final moments came to a few breathes of air she would take to send to me in energy. This vibration took me out of my mind and showed me through her eyes who I could be if I broke the conditions I had on myself to be the shining light of truth that the world will .
As these moments came such a vault door was being spun then opened and I could hear it opening to release me from the inside. I could see the mess I made of my existence and could see the beauty in the choices I made and the ultimate disaster it was that I had to embrace because I was still looking for ways to be ok with this.
The truth was that I was always in pain, not just because of the things that my life situation gave me, but because I could see the pain of everyone around me and realize it was only a mirror that I was within myself. I was lost in what it was trying to show me all along. I manipulated pain to keep myself unconscious without even seeing, that this was all my own doing.
Wishing I was never born! A lie I made up when I was 5, when I got a spanking for breaking something I didn’t mean to break.
Thinking I was stupid cause when I looked at the math problem at 8 years old that I got smacked upside the head and told myself I had an empty brain.
I was allowed to cheat because my first girlfriend cheated and on me and with my parents both doing it I was now going to because it was inevitable, I was never going to have the love of someone who wouldn’t cheat!
I was a cheater because I always was able to do what I was doing to feel a glimpse of love that covered all the other lies I had inside myself because I just wasn’t good enough.
I wasn’t a boy anyone could love because even my own birth father couldn’t stay because of me, because I was always breaking things and not smart enough, I was a failure he didn’t want to see grow up and become a bigger failure! In my mind was that I was just a punishment sent here to torture my father and my mother. I knew nothing else but to be bad, run from pain and make horrible choices! Till I found the root of this way of being>>>>>>>>
I was unloved by myself, for myself.
RED ALERT Message: Condition Found!
That day was my true rebirth! I felt my mothers hands come from a space of no longer here and pull this out of me and had me look at it. I felt this and after writing I went back to bed. My brother came to my room about 11 a.m. and said he was going to work but would stop to check on our mother. I didn’t get up and go, I should have for the next 3 days our lives were going to go into a darkness I never imagined.
He found her… she was barely alive, but not! She left this world off a machine 3 days later!
We have such a truth to discover as we do our work. The healing to find the condition we placed on ourselves gives us every right to hurt inside and then seeking salvation outside for someone to take this away from us. Your light can give you the truth if you allow it! We never go into see where to let go of the single most powerful emotional energy we have inside that the ego uses in every case the inner child that endured it all and waited for you to go back to the truth to reset.
As I went inside this root my mother was there holding the broken me and she held out her hand and pulled me into myself to show me that even though she was gone she will never be gone. I was free of what I wasn’t no more!
Coming out of this because the space of letting go of all that was not me. The love I had now had to be the only feeling I could have to embrace me without thinking. Any thoughts needed to be removed from what that love was, and what it was trying to give me no matter how deep the pain was.
The dreams became stronger and the depth of the ocean was showing me in my dreams what I was in the truth in stillness and what everyone else was as well!
The truth needs to be revealed to you, it isn’t a cruel world just your sight of what you are and won’t be accepted for needs to be gone into.
Heal your depth in truth for it is there to set you free!
Justin T. THANK YOU FOR THIS SONG! NOW I KNOW WHY IT KEEPS FINDING ME!
What is fear?
At some point in our lives we all experience it. Our heart beats faster; we find it hard to breathe; the muscles in our body tense; our brain seems to shut everything else out and the focus shifts to the terror that has changed us emotionally and physically. We are experiencing fear.
So why does fear exist and do we have power over it? Fear according to researchers evolved in all animal species as a defense mechanism. It is a way for the brain to change the body chemistry so that future dangerous situations will create a stimulus, serving as an early warning system. This gives us an ability to determine a course of action that will increase our chance of survival. The chemical response in some cases is so strong it can cause physical and emotional paralysis and impede us from helping ourselves! When that paralysis is not experienced, the body then faces the fight or flight response in defense.
Some fear is healthy, being afraid of bodily harm from a potential attacker for example. Some fear is destructive and damaging, like feeling we cannot be honest with our partners for fear of judgment or ridicule. When we feel fear we need to remember that it’s a call to action. Unlike other animals we are able to choose how we respond to those feelings of dread.
In 3rd grade I was bullied and picked on by bigger kids, and my instinct was to fight. Eventually I was expelled from school and my father began spanking me with a belt as punishment. This punishment taught me to fear his spanking more than the bullies’ beatings. For the rest of my youth I backed down from every altercation. I did nothing to defend myself from the beatings of my peers; allowing them to label me a coward and hopefully leave me alone. I grew up in a very tough area so I got beat a lot. Today I am 44 years old and I have no memory of the physical pain I endured from those beatings, but the pain of not defending myself, of feeling like a coward–that pain lived inside me for so long that I can still feel the shame today if I allow it. When I was 18 I no longer had to fear my father’s punishments for defending myself and I began to stand up for myself again. This did not stop me from getting bullied on occasion, but interestingly enough I don’t remember an ounce of the physical pain; all my mind can recall is the humiliation of a loss, that helpless feeling of not being able to defend myself, that fear that someone else had gotten the better of me.
As I got older I began to read self-help books and to study why I and others thought and acted the way we did. In one of the books I was reading I came across one of the most profound thoughts ever, an acronym that defined what fear really was. The acronym was False Evidence Appearing Real. When I read that it instantly spoke to me. Whether an aggressively intimidating person, an inescapable, unpleasant situation, or a dreaded decision needing to be made, the feeling in all these situations was the same: fear. I finally realized that no matter what the evidence was I was selecting the meaning of it and assuming the worst case scenario. It reminded me of when I was little and I lied to stop my dad from spanking me. The reality was that I lied out of fear; but my punishment never turned out to be as bad as I had assumed it would.
This realization gave me one of the most effective tools for change and success in my life, I understood that only I could determine what had power over me, only I could assume what the consequences where going to be, only I could determine if fear would empower me to act in my defense or paralyze and control me.
Fear is real and it can be a healthy emotion, but do yourself a favor and remember that it’s only a call to action. Your choice is Fight or flight, and sometimes flight is necessary, but too often flight is chosen as the easy way out. As a former coward I can attest that it is easier to run away than it is to stand and fight for yourself. I can say with authority that just because you successfully ran away from your fear, you have not escaped it. Often times the long term damage you will cause by not standing up for yourself, your ideals, the truth, will be very difficult to heal from, because you will know that the fear conquered you.
Today you can make the decision that fear won’t stop you from telling the truth; it won’t stop you expressing your love for someone; and it can’t prevent you from standing up for yourself. Today if you’re feeling fear answer that call to action, and let fear know you’re back in charge of your life.
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Take a listen this was powerful as Josh and Lee discuss truth and how it is with fear!
Healing series… Evolution of truth!
In the dominant side of thinking, we often have a voice that says things to us! This thinking is of course a protective nature or so we see it as being a protective nature that says things are ok, or not ok. When this thinking occurs, we of course can see that the truth can be as messy! This say’s somewhere inside that a lie is ok. It could be that you have to hide something about yourself! It could be that you are already rejecting, abandoning, or playing a mental record of something that once was. All of those are lies in a sense.
If you are rejected, do you make it ok to reject yourself? If you said no, then wouldn’t there be no discomfort on what you say rejection is. For you are holding yourself, and don’t need validation of any kind to tell you that you have been dismissed, or removed.
What about Abandonment? If someone has abandoned you, and you are hurt, and are in suffering from something that was long ago, are you trapped in lying? The answer should be yes! Yes as in the present moment you didn’t abandon yourself and now don’t make someone else responsible for it as time makes no difference you can give yourself the love that was missing in all moments and your sense of self is not going to suffer in the present moment.
When you evolve in truth, you evolve within truth. You see the pitfalls that can occur, come from not seeing the path the truth wants you to come to. If you see actions of energy outside you that you say can be repeated, and that it is still happening isn’t this in itself a lie?
In this radio discussion listed from this past monday’s healing series our dear friends Josh (a polyamorous male) with his wife Karen (a monogamous woman) shared how their truth about who they were became revealed and how deep the truth melted them to who they are together.
This was a very powerful understanding of how standing in your truth can give you the greatest love you ever experienced and how it continues to grow!
Lois and Clark
aka Sherry and Lee
A lie that shatters to hide your soul… The search for wholeness!
I am not whole without you… I am whole when I am with you… This is how simple a lie can begin… It is how simple that a lie can break you down inside…
This way of thinking has a specific truth to tell you, yet it will escape you more than anything we get to experience as a human being. When you are empty inside and meet someone outside you, and you see them with such a feeling you translate this feeling with love.. Love in this sense is not derived in energy to allow the other person to feel it, for how could they you started out by saying I am empty, or you are saying with them you are finally whole…
To be whole because of another person is the lie.. This lie if hiding can be the truth about why any relationship you have can change from love to hate. It can show you both in an instant. Here is something to ponder.. When you look at someone you love and they are saying that they love you, how does it then turn to attack, criticize, blaming, etc… This is a very hurtful place in love. You want them to return to what they always were giving you in the whole that you feel inside, and as each time this happens, and continues to get greater and greater you can see that something somehow has caused you to feel the emptiness that was once there before. This is all egoic in nature of course and it is that what you feel by saying the other makes you whole is a huge responsibility for anyone to carry. You never see it this way for what you do see is that what was once there is now gone somehow. You hurt inside and you feel the void yet something in you says you can get it back.. and then if it continues you find that you are only seeking for more of the same in pain. This cycle of love/hate is almost unbearable for the glimpses of love from the start to become further and further apart.
It is almost as though anything you do will activate the ego in this way, you try to be even more loving, something comes and says you are not going to get it, not because of the empty place inside you but because the pain that you have is now activated again and the other who was to make you whole has seen it and started to share it with you. This becomes almost impossible to endure. For even when you make up another thought is about to enter them, or you, that says they are keeping you from wholeness in some way.
When someone says I don’t know who I am anymore, it is an act of violence on the self that says something has shifted in them making them think they are less somehow. They don’t feel the same anymore, they don’t act the same anymore, and you are now caught from what was once in whole as it was in the beginning and realize you no longer can keep enduring this, but you stay not because of the wholeness but because what has become normal behavior gives an expectation and a incompleteness that is complete in the mind of the ego. It says you are all these bad things, and that no one else will want you, and this is as whole as your going to get. It even can be based in material circumstances, emotional circumstances and it will give you what you fear, what you don’t want, what you can’t fathom. It even will activate the other person to start seeking something else. Someone to cover up the little bits of emptiness that have can be covered by anything even if it is just sex.
As I am explaining all of this, I wanted to go back to the very thing that was said in the beginning…. The lie itself that caused all of this.. I am not whole without you.. This is so far from any truth we can’t see it, we keep this lie and this way of being to keep us in cycle of love/hate where love truly isn’t present at all! How can it be? You are whole, not because I said so, but because within you, you have a living body that is sparked by something that was whole to begin with. It gave you purpose, it gives you the power to be present and all you have to do is go inside to see it yourself. It doesn’t take much after this realization. that you can be as you are already….
You are whole dear being!
How do I stand in my truth?
One of the most uncomfortable challenges of being human is seeing the truth vs. a lie.. We are born into this world without experiencing both positive and negative, so to not understand how we learn to tell the truth or a lie is unknown to us…
As we are infants we see energy we see those that show us love, some show us like and some show us something else.. As we come out of infancy we experience things more common in communication, Bobby is hungry. Mommy, Daddy and there are a list of words… Then as we get just a few years more.. The things we see are explained or not explained.. This part is where the lies begin, we are told we are to young to understand, or words are spelled out in front of us to exclude us from things. Or the energy is offset and we have no explanation why. We in turn start to say this energy is something we caused.. Therein lies the first of many lies.. As young as we are we start to say things inside. We don’t see it and don’t comprehend it, we just know that we are seeking the unknown and when we don’t have words or are shut down for any reason we know that we are experiencing something we now make something about something we are feeling on the inside.
Depending on what others say to us or how their energy is to us, we hear a voice inside that starts to say things that mostly leave us without a purpose or an identity in purpose. We have a mind that starts to generate this and state that and it really never is that someone says something hateful to us, we say it to ourselves…
Now as you can imagine this becomes based in a space that causes us to view everything skewed.. Is there truth to what you see? Not really, it depends on what you are surrounded by when it comes to understanding the actions of others, whether it be your father, your mother, your siblings or just in general other kids.. If you are bullied it can even be magnified even more.. This lie is a lie hurting others because of the lies that say inside that violence or bullying is a way of being in the world. Picking on someone who hurts worse than you do, it is all filled with lies.. Lies that you are not worthy of love, you are not much to anyone, no one can be nice to you, you are disabled from love… This is all the myriad of lies we have.. It starts with our first form of abandonment. rejection, abuse, punishment, confusion with no real explanation that creates a place to understand the actions. You see it can go way deeper than what I am even stating here. Broken trust in what anything is for what it is, because you know love within you!
You know it yet it doesn’t show itself to you, because of the things you have within you without seeking the truth in it. I had seen a little boy recently, he was sad… and I said are you ok? He looked at me and with the saddest most beautiful eyes he said to me… I don’t have a daddy… I said yes you do, I will be your father… He said well what about my real dad, I said son, every father has had a father that possibly didn’t show him the love that a dad can give. I can give you this.. The little boys eyes welled up and I held him why we both cried.. It was the most powerful hug I ever felt… As he cried he screamed, why doesn’t he love me? why doesn’t he want to see if I am ok? Why doesn’t he call me? What did I do that was so bad, I will take it back! I will be a good boy… The more I held him, I listened to him cry out.. all of his truths… He just wanted his father to love him, and tell him he was worth the world to him, and that he was proud to have him as his son. I listened as I heard the lies begin…
I am worthless, I don’t want to be anything when I grow up, I am not good enough for anything, I am not worth loving… I hurt inside because my father wishes I was never born… My heart was breaking for this child.. I couldn’t hold him any tighter for fear I would hurt him. I said it just isn’t true… He said yes it is! As loud as this boy was screaming I could feel the pain coming from him, coming from what he felt inside. The fear, the abandonment, the torture he was under from being attacked from his mind over and over. He finally said… I hate my father… I said Son… you can’t hate your father it just isn’t true none of it.
He tried to pull away… I said what is a father to you? He said not the man who is my father, and I said so how can you hate him for being something he is not? He paused… it was as though something in him shifted.. He was quiet for a long time and then wiped tears from his eyes and said… What do you mean how can I hate him for something he is not? I looked at him and said do you know your grandparents? Grandma or Grandpa his parents? He said yes, I said what do you know about them. Well I know my grandma very well, I see her all the time, and I said what about your grandpa, well he died when I was young but he wasn’t there much for the family! So I said well son, if his father wasn’t there for him, where would you father learn to be a father? His silence was overwhelming. I said you know that pain you feel for your father not being here for you? He said yes! I said can you forgive your father for not knowing how to be a father to you? He said I guess so…. I then pulled him back and looked into this child’s eyes. I said son… No matter what you say inside, your father loves you, he loves you but to be something he was never taught to be with no template how successful will he be? would he make a good father to you?
His eyes as swelled as they became, looked at me and said I suppose not! I looked deeper into him and could see a release from what he felt in anger. I said do you realize how deeply he does love you can you feel it in your heart, that even thought he is not in your life, that heart beat you have is the most unconditional love he gave to you?
He said yes… so I said don’t reject the heart that beats for you.. love you so you can love others and more than that forgive what you don’t know for being upset with things you can’t know will only create suffering. Can you stand in this truth?
Yes, well I am your father and I will be for as long as I am breathing. It was then I felt such tears… Yes the little boy was me and I was speaking to the inner child that always seems to show himself when he isn’t connected inside.
How do you stand in your truth?