Healing series 2014 May: the fear be with you!

What is fear?

fear
At some point in our lives we all experience it. Our heart beats faster; we find it hard to breathe; the muscles in our body tense; our brain seems to shut everything else out and the focus shifts to the terror that has changed us emotionally and physically. We are experiencing fear.
So why does fear exist and do we have power over it? Fear according to researchers evolved in all animal species as a defense mechanism. It is a way for the brain to change the body chemistry so that future dangerous situations will create a stimulus, serving as an early warning system. This gives us an ability to determine a course of action that will increase our chance of survival. The chemical response in some cases is so strong it can cause physical and emotional paralysis and impede us from helping ourselves! When that paralysis is not experienced, the body then faces the fight or flight response in defense.
Some fear is healthy, being afraid of bodily harm from a potential attacker for example. Some fear is destructive and damaging, like feeling we cannot be honest with our partners for fear of judgment or ridicule. When we feel fear we need to remember that it’s a call to action. Unlike other animals we are able to choose how we respond to those feelings of dread.
In 3rd grade I was bullied and picked on by bigger kids, and my instinct was to fight. Eventually I was expelled from school and my father began spanking me with a belt as punishment. This punishment taught me to fear his spanking more than the bullies’ beatings. For the rest of my youth I backed down from every altercation. I did nothing to defend myself from the beatings of my peers; allowing them to label me a coward and hopefully leave me alone. I grew up in a very tough area so I got beat a lot. Today I am 44 years old and I have no memory of the physical pain I endured from those beatings, but the pain of not defending myself, of feeling like a coward–that pain lived inside me for so long that I can still feel the shame today if I allow it. When I was 18 I no longer had to fear my father’s punishments for defending myself and I began to stand up for myself again. This did not stop me from getting bullied on occasion, but interestingly enough I don’t remember an ounce of the physical pain; all my mind can recall is the humiliation of a loss, that helpless feeling of not being able to defend myself, that fear that someone else had gotten the better of me.
As I got older I began to read self-help books and to study why I and others thought and acted the way we did. In one of the books I was reading I came across one of the most profound thoughts ever, an acronym that defined what fear really was. The acronym was False Evidence Appearing Real. When I read that it instantly spoke to me. Whether an aggressively intimidating person, an inescapable, unpleasant situation, or a dreaded decision needing to be made, the feeling in all these situations was the same: fear. I finally realized that no matter what the evidence was I was selecting the meaning of it and assuming the worst case scenario. It reminded me of when I was little and I lied to stop my dad from spanking me. The reality was that I lied out of fear; but my punishment never turned out to be as bad as I had assumed it would.
This realization gave me one of the most effective tools for change and success in my life, I understood that only I could determine what had power over me, only I could assume what the consequences where going to be, only I could determine if fear would empower me to act in my defense or paralyze and control me.
Fear is real and it can be a healthy emotion, but do yourself a favor and remember that it’s only a call to action. Your choice is Fight or flight, and sometimes flight is necessary, but too often flight is chosen as the easy way out. As a former coward I can attest that it is easier to run away than it is to stand and fight for yourself. I can say with authority that just because you successfully ran away from your fear, you have not escaped it. Often times the long term damage you will cause by not standing up for yourself, your ideals, the truth, will be very difficult to heal from, because you will know that the fear conquered you.
Today you can make the decision that fear won’t stop you from telling the truth; it won’t stop you expressing your love for someone; and it can’t prevent you from standing up for yourself. Today if you’re feeling fear answer that call to action, and let fear know you’re back in charge of your life.

 

 

J.Austin.Ward
Email: j.austin.ward@gmail.com
Follow on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Personal-Empowerment-And-Relationship-Coaching-PEAR/749287711768150

Take a listen this was powerful as Josh and Lee discuss truth and how it is with fear!

 

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/relationship-reinvented/2014/05/05/relationship-reinvented-2014-healing-series

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Healing series April 2014: The truth is the TRUTH!

 

Polyamory truth

Healing series… Evolution of truth!
In the dominant side of thinking, we often have a voice that says things to us! This thinking is of course a protective nature or so we see it as being a protective nature that says things are ok, or not ok. When this thinking occurs, we of course can see that the truth can be as messy!  This say’s somewhere inside that a lie is ok.   It could be that you have to hide something about yourself! It could be that you are already rejecting, abandoning, or playing a mental record of something that once was. All of those are lies in a sense.

If you are rejected, do you make it ok to reject yourself? If you said no, then wouldn’t there be no discomfort on what you say rejection is. For you are holding yourself, and don’t need validation of any kind to tell you that you have been dismissed, or removed.

What about Abandonment? If someone has abandoned you, and you are hurt, and are in suffering from something that was long ago, are you trapped in lying? The answer should be yes! Yes as in the present moment you didn’t abandon yourself and now don’t make someone else responsible for it as time makes no difference you can give yourself the love that was missing in all moments and your sense of self is not going to suffer in the present moment.

When you evolve in truth, you evolve within truth. You see the pitfalls that can occur, come from not seeing the path the truth wants you to come to. If you see actions of energy outside you that you say can be repeated, and that it is still happening isn’t this in itself a lie?

In this radio discussion listed from this past monday’s healing series our dear friends Josh (a polyamorous male) with his wife Karen (a monogamous woman) shared how their truth about who they were became revealed and how deep the truth melted them to who they are together.
This was a very powerful understanding of how standing in your truth can give you the greatest love you ever experienced and how it continues to grow!
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/relationship-reinvented/2014/04/21/relationship-reinvented-2014-healing-series

 

Love deeply,

Lois and Clark
aka Sherry and Lee

Healing Series: Two halves of a whole is a???

 

soul wholeness

A lie that shatters to hide your soul…  The search for wholeness!
I am not whole without you… I am whole when I am with you… This is how simple a lie can begin… It is how simple that a lie can break you down inside…
This way of thinking has a specific truth to tell you, yet it will escape you more than anything we get to experience as a human being. When you are empty inside and meet someone outside you, and you see them with such a feeling you translate this feeling with love.. Love in this sense is not derived in energy to allow the other person to feel it, for how could they you started out by saying I am empty, or you are saying with them you are finally whole…

To be whole because of another person is the lie.. This lie if hiding can be the truth about why any relationship you have can change from love to hate. It can show you both in an instant. Here is something to ponder.. When you look at someone you love and they are saying that they love you, how does it then turn to attack, criticize, blaming, etc… This is a very hurtful place in love. You want them to return to what they always were giving you in the whole that you feel inside, and as each time this happens, and continues to get greater and greater you can see that something somehow has caused you to feel the emptiness that was once there before. This is all egoic in nature of course and it is that what you feel by saying the other makes you whole is a huge responsibility for anyone to carry. You never see it this way for what you do see is that what was once there is now gone somehow. You hurt inside and you feel the void yet something in you says you can get it back.. and then if it continues you find that you are only seeking for more of the same in pain. This cycle of love/hate is almost unbearable for the glimpses of love from the start to become further and further apart.

It is almost as though anything you do will activate the ego in this way, you try to be even more loving, something comes and says you are not going to get it, not because of the empty place inside you but because the pain that you have is now activated again and the other who was to make you whole has seen it and started to share it with you. This becomes almost impossible to endure. For even when you make up another thought is about to enter them, or you, that says they are keeping you from wholeness in some way.

When someone says I don’t know who I am anymore, it is an act of violence on the self that says something has shifted in them making them think they are less somehow. They don’t feel the same anymore, they don’t act the same anymore, and you are now caught from what was once in whole as it was in the beginning and realize you no longer can keep enduring this, but you stay not because of the wholeness but because what has become normal behavior gives an expectation and a incompleteness that is complete in the mind of the ego. It says you are all these bad things, and that no one else will want you, and this is as whole as your going to get. It even can be based in material circumstances, emotional circumstances and it will give you what you fear, what you don’t want, what you can’t fathom. It even will activate the other person to start seeking something else. Someone to cover up the little bits of emptiness that have can be covered by anything even if it is just sex.

As I am explaining all of this, I wanted to go back to the very thing that was said in the beginning…. The lie itself that caused all of this.. I am not whole without you.. This is so far from any truth we can’t see it, we keep this lie and this way of being to keep us in cycle of love/hate where love truly isn’t present at all! How can it be? You are whole, not because I said so, but because within you, you have a living body that is sparked by something that was whole to begin with. It gave you purpose, it gives you the power to be present and all you have to do is go inside to see it yourself. It doesn’t take much after this realization. that you can be as you are already….

You are whole dear being!

Love deeply,

Clark

The soul of a man….

My son wrote this… and it is powerful beyond measure… so I am sharing here because it is deep and profound….  I love you my son!

CP

Ladies & Gentlemen,

If you ever fall in love..
Fall in love with someone who wants to know your favorite color & how you like your coffee. Fall in love with someone who loves to hear you laugh & does whatever they can to hear it often. Fall in love with someone who puts their head on your chest to hear your heartbeat. Fall in love with someone who kisses you in public & is proud to show you off to anyone & everyone you meet. Fall in love with someone who makes you question why you were ever afraid to fall in love in the first place. Fall in love with someone who makes you realize you are winning the race. Fall in love with someone that will show you that when you hurt, he or she will hurt with you. Fall in love with someone who will spend years with you & will still always flirt with you. Fall in love with someone who falls in love with your flaws & thinks you are perfect just the way you are. Fall in love with someone that shows you how to stop leading with your brain & start leading with your heart…

 

 

 

My son…

 

You are a brilliant writer.. and your true essence comes through when you let go and just let it flow!  I am proud of you!  You touch me to my core and say words that I always felt within me!

Love,

Dad

 

Do you trust those that love you? Healing series March 2014

trust1

 

 

Do you trust those that love you?

 

 

The intent of trust is something that we still make about other people not seeing that we have broken something inside that is broken inside the self.  Trust is a very powerful word that becomes instilled in us at an early age.  We trust we are not abandoned, we trust someone will protect us from pain or suffering, we trust we will be loved unconditionally.  When this doesn’t happen what does it do to our trust?

 

Well let’s list these 5 things to show you trust in action or as an energy these 5 things are random yet will give you an idea you will find that you will find other words that show up in trust that you may or may not be seeing.

 

Abandonment

Abuse

Loyalty

Communication

Addiction

 

 

Abandonment – if you experienced this as a child born into a world with the love you have inside and you become abandoned by those that are supposed to love you without conditions you will then see that everyone will abandon you, you trust it! You trust as you find love finding you getting older you will trust that it will abandon you and you make choices to be with someone who will abandon you, not because of what happened to you as a child but because of what you told yourself inside that gave you the same energy to abandon yourself and make poor choices to make sure you find abandonment as an energy even someone who normally doesn’t abandon you will be infected with this energy in trust you have for yourself and will abandon you without even seeing that they are getting this energy from something you have hidden within you.  Why not embrace this about yourself to not abandon yourself in this? Wouldn’t this be how you remove or heal this very thing?

 

 

 

Abuse – You lost trust because you were abused and you trust that you will be abused again feel the emotional truth of this and it will be a way to keep you protected, isn’t that trust? You even will find abusive relationships because the abuse brings you aliveness and you trust this as a part of your aliveness.  It is not as sick as you might think, for the thinking is saying you will be hurt, you will be emotionally distraught where in truth you are distraught even before this happens.  It is dormant for a period of time but in the back of the mind where the ego is accessing this pain and trauma, it exist within the emotional existence of a past experience you call to.  This story inside as the story teller demands this be something you are still a victim of.  Trusting in victim energy is always painful and always addictive. This story is always there for you to trust in.  It’s purpose in trust is that you are pain and that pain has to be emotionally embraced and you must trust in that pain as a way of being.  Not seeing that the trust is very deceiving and that it will only call to more of the same in energy that infected you in the first place.  There are very disturbing truths about what someone endures that will do this to others. Yet when it happens to you, it infects you and takes you over and you trust that it will and so it does.

 

 

 

Loyalty – If your loyal it is a trust factor because you see that being on someones side is always a way to receive trust in return.  Yet when this is lost with one and then another and then something else. You will hide inside and keep to yourself, you will even say you can’t trust anyone and those who shouldn’t be trusted find you highly attractive whether for a love relationship or other.  They will betray you because you emit the energy of betraying yourself from what has happened to you. We raise ourselves to break cycles… the cycle of what this trust does breaks that breaking of cycles.  In other words when you stop trusting yourself you no longer become loyal to yourself and then others who are not loyal to you or themselves will find you.  So you decide to find someone who won’t hurt you and you find someone safe who won’t do you trust they will find out why you choose them and then the trust of that trust in them will start to be questioned?  Trust you will find loyal and you will but trusting that you are not able to trust yourself will give you this for a little while and the symptoms of this will give you something else in this process.

 

 

 

 

Communication – You trust that someone will communicate with you and when you stop communication you expect them to give you the communication you stopped giving to them.  Do you trust that they will give you something you won’t give them or yourself?  Yes, you in there deep somewhere in you, you do!  It is not on purpose it is by energy in purpose the broken record of communicating the same thing over and over again which is toxic to all communication especially the communication shared on this planet.  We even use communication to attack in ways to communicate broken trust that we will be harmed in the process thus elevating this truth and it is returned. We are hurt because we trust that we will be hurt.  Do you see the energy in motion this causes us is directly embedded in how we communicate without trust.  Recently we had someone come to us about someone they met, they told them they were single because the last relationship they had they were cheated on again… they said they always seem to be cheated on.  Do you know what energy transpired from this? Do you trust that what this communication did was actually seeking this type of energy to begin with?

 

 

 

 

Addiction – When you trust that you have an addiction isn’t that only giving the addiction power. I was a sex addict, I was addicted to sex, and when I told myself that I felt an overwhelming feeling, it made it easy of saying well it is a part of me that I can trust.  And so, it made it so!  Addiction to anything is a trust behavior that allows the symptoms to be dismissed instantly. You will not easily accept what the root of those symptoms are, you trust that you have it to cope with everything. The deep truth is in the dark to you and when you feel dark it only activates the trust you put in your addiction! I know this for it was me in all the addictions I could become addicted to.  The darker you felt in the addiction the more you can trust that very thing will help you continue to feel dark.  Trust is powerful it is a dependable friend that the ego can use to make you pay for being disconnected from yourself thus being disconnected from everyone else. Making sure you can trust any lies and seldom any truth that is not being noticed!

 

 

How is your trust? Can you see it clearly?  Is it dependent upon others who will break this trust in you?  Or is this already there in you because you do trust yourself negatively or don’t trust yourself positively?

 

See how trust is being used in ego to make you completely right in what the trust will give you without seeing that it gives you what is broken within you?

 

Do you feel this in truth to trust it?

 

Who would you be if you saw trust in this way? What would you start trusting and what would you stop trusting?

 

Love deeply,

 

Clark

Our Deep Sincere Thanks!

 

thankyou

 

There comes a time in your life when you take a look at where you are in that particular moment, We have had quite the Journey as most of you have read most of our blogs and know we have a connection so strong, so honest and so True it withstood everything the universe threw at us. We are Now Living a True Twin Flame Union, Inside this Union we have no choice but to teach, learn and guide others going through any type Relationship Issues. We tend to not lean on our College education or even what we absorbed from our Certification courses, we coach and guide from our one soul. We were led to make this our life’s work, and going in without fear proved difficult however we do what we are led to do, we enjoy it, and we appreciate it.

 

Looking at where we are now simply amazes us. We have such an amazing growing client base and when its time for them to fly, they fly and always keep in touch with us and sometimes even find they need a little more guidance and we are always here. Recently we have noticed such a spike in our e mail box and our Facebook group is growing by 50+ daily. No doubt we have our clients do their own work and sometimes its very uncomfortable and even painful but the result is Peace, and Unconditional love.

 

The loving support and Beautiful words sent to us daily from our Clients and friends confirms to us we are doing what we are called to do. Yesterday was an especially amazing day when a Client of ours found out we were getting Legally Married this fall,we have always been married in our souls and feel it is time to take the step here and have a Twin Flame Ceremony 🙂

What she did for us we will never forget and we are still in awe. She posted in our group and on our page, a page for all of our friend to see and so they are all able to assist in this ceremony. The tears this gave us were of deep bliss!

 

What a gift to have a ceremony touched by all of our friends from all over the world. Saying Thank You does not feel like it is enough, its not about the ceremony for us, it is all about the marriage and with this blessing the ceremony will be more beautiful than ever and will certainly be recorded and shown all over the world to show those who are experiencing the same journey we were on that there is healing ahead.

 

We are blessed to have all of you as Clients, Friends and Family.

Here is the page she posted!

http://www.gofundme.com/TwinFlameWedding 

Love

Lee and Sherry (Lois and Clark)

How deep is your Trust? Healing series 2014 March – Trust!

trust-fall-580x275

Broken Trust?

I can’t forgive you…  I can’t be with you… I can’t do this anymore…  I can’t..  Whatever this is has a way of bringing you to a very shaky foundation in trust… We use these words in ego to signify that something in us is broke.  When you become unstable in this way of trust the choice to make the right decision always will seem as though you are teetering from what is hindering destiny from coming to you…  I can’t is the same as I won’t or the other words that follow such as i’ll try, or I am potential… the trust in all of this is on shaky ground. Isn’t it?

 

I have doubt, is also apart of trust.  When you trust something will fail!  What does it show you in the end that is the truth about what you said it would do happens…and…. FAIL will not abandon you!  Then that what you said becomes that you were right!  Is that what you are saying inside? A majority of us do!  What about when you say I have been let down by others… Is this trust as well.  Yes it is, because you are trusting that this will always be what you will receive outside you, don’t worry it does!  Trust is a very powerful energy!

 

 

I have been through trust training and I realized that I didn’t trust a thing years ago and still didn’t wake up to it..  You can tell how much you trust when you do the trust fall… You always fear that someone will not catch you, and you will hit the ground, and get hurt.  Sound like some choices you keep making in your existence here?

 

Another is the blindfold lead where someone is leading you and has to direct you with their common sense of directions..  The failure in that is that they can’t see what sinkholes are placed cause they are trying to get you through the trees… Someone who is completely aware of your path by leading this in front of you will always tell you the truth.  They will endure the path with you and not lead you astray…. Do you see how this can be difficult without trust?  Especially if they are not having you walk without them directly in front of you.  How will they ensure you won’t get hurt if they are not willing to walk the path with you?  Pay attention, the message here is deep!

blind

The awakened truth about trust is that you trust you have one more day to do something significant, you have one more moment to make a difference in your own being and yet we all get caught up by the same choices doing the same thing over and over again.  We find comfort in this energy of doing the same thing cause we trust it!  Having the same thoughts, we trust nothing changes so it doesn’t.

 

When I decided that I was going to live in truth I realized that I didn’t trust… I didn’t trust I would be accepted for the truth and it proved me right.  I wasn’t accepted… It wasn’t until I realized that being in my truth needed my trust just as much as I needed my love to get me through this broken trust.  The conditions of what my love gave me were without trust.  Do you see how unconditional love is?  It needs the very thing you won’t give to break you free of what you don’t give to yourself.  Telling my truth should their be conditions of who I can tell or what I can do with what I trust?  The answer was always no!  I had to trust that telling my truth was going to show that I am very truthful. I will call out to the truth and trust that the truth finds me more truth.

 

 

When I was abandoned and I abandoned others, was it related to trust.  Yes, I didn’t trust myself and in turn didn’t know in truth if I could trust others.  I didn’t know if I spoke from my pain if I would be accepted I trusted I wouldn’t!  If I could be damaged could I trust that I would be loved unconditionally? Can you?  I realize now that was just a lie that I was living inside myself that gave me the ability to walk away so easily from others.  Not wondering if they hurt by my actions, not wondering if I was indeed loving enough to let them go.

 

I let go, because I couldn’t face my own pain, but I could surely see my pain in others, whether I caused it or not.  I wanted to fix their pain and bring them into a world of imagination where no pain could harm them.  Not seeing that I trusted that I could do this, I was able to for a short while.  Then I knew that my own pain would infect them somehow, they couldn’t see the truth about my not trusting that they could feel anything remotely like what I felt inside.  Maybe it was that I was too genuine in my imagination, or that I was not standing in my truth enough for it to be genuine.  When I felt what I felt deeply, I realized that without me trusting that the right thing would come to me something else would come to me, and show me that this was just my imagination of the lie that made it possible to not tell the truth, I trusted this as my truth, that the lie was always right. Trust is intent… get it?

 

As humans we experience so much of what we hear inside that we isolate ourselves and miss the truth about trust.  Trust that you will be hurt and you will, trust that you will not be loved and you won’t.

 

Trust that you are not worthy of a deep love and yes you will get what you say in trust.  Trust that no one can hear you screaming inside and on one will.  Trust is the intent of what you want to have whether truth or a lie to find you and it does.

 

If you say you can feel another’s heart beat in your own as your truth and trust that what you feel in that heart beat inside you will find you then trust that it will completely!  No hesitation for that hesitation gives you the same in the trust you placed into it!

 

If you say you want to be in a truthful deep love relationship, trust completely that it will find you!

 

If you say you want to love yourself without conditions then trust that you will.  Without the words that I started with, it is always going to be a very confusing energy till you decide that you want the complete trust of what it is that you say you want!   Then make that the reason in being for that trust to give you what you know is in truth yours to give to yourself.

 

If you are having a hard time and want peace then trust you will find complete peace.  Any voice in you that says, “Yes but”.. Is a hole in that trust that says I am not enough yet.. where the lie is embedded is the truth waiting for it to see itself.  Say in self to the lie, “you will no longer tell lies for the heart that beats does so in a trusting manor, and that trust is something that I believe in.” Give yourself the wholeness in asking for trust to give you the truth about how you trust and it will give this to you when it is without question.

 

 

 

Love deeply….  Trust and let it find you!

 

Clark

 

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