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Where I am now… confused, uncomfortable, and anxious.
LONG story short, my Parents were deeply wounded as children, and wounded me in-turn. I started in my own personal knowledge journey 8 years ago, and discovered I liked who I am. I realized I couldn’t change anyone other than me and set out to make my life the best I could without requiring anything of my family of origin to change.
4 years ago, I became aware that, by accepting the role I was born into with my family of origin, I was recreating their dysfunctional patterns for myself in my own life and set out to change them. I am understanding only now, that I had suppressed and disowned feelings and parts of myself that were “unacceptable” during my initial change work 8 years ago, and the “self” I had constructed then, while much closer to my authentic self than the one imposed upon me during my upbringing, remains false.
1 year ago, I stumbled upon the family secret about my Grandfather’s (25 years dead) alcoholism. I’ve been attending Al-anon regularly for the past 5 months to understand how my Mother’s living with alcoholism and never coping with or healing the effects, puts me in the position of requiring they be healed now. Finally, in Al-anon, I’ve found people who come from similarly dysfunctional families, and the environment in which healing is possible. I’m deeply grateful for the gift of Al-anon and working the steps currently.
My calling has also been blessedly revealed to me, and I am deeply enjoying my work as a Relationship Coach presently. Unfortunately, as I was hesitant to accept the position and responsibility for so long, my finances became a disaster and I was left with no choice but to return to my Parents’ home, where I am now.
Again, grateful to be here, because it gives me the opportunity to learn how to detach from our co-dependence (which until Al-anon, I had never understood was the actual problem). However, living in their chaos is painful. 4 years of scraping by to survive financially, and all the mixed messages and suppressed emotions that are being revealed now leaves me DEEPLY CONFUSED. While I wouldn’t change a thing, I’m seriously tired and depleted from battling against scarcity, and unlearning my defenses that I’ve been using for 8 years against the defenses I had to develop as a child is confusing. I haven’t known what is real since I was about 2.
I would very much love your guidance now, as I feel strongly that YOU are the first person I’ve attracted into my life who is capable of providing for me the type of consistency, wisdom and mirroring I provide to my clients. My current working theory (please correct me if you disagree) is that I am where I am at this time because, being codependency tied to my family until now, my (inherited) distorted reality has produced negative attraction in my life. I have begun to reverse that polarity… however your assistance is appreciated and welcome as I continue getting the old dysfunctional thinking, behavior, emotional, and physical habits out of my system.
What do you think?
That is some very enlightening discoveries you have found. As for where you are at this moment it would be that a great void of suffering and illusion need to be called to the root. Lets make this about energy and your interaction as an energy. As WE both have found our truth it was about the things we endured to include the acts of alcoholism, drug abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse. The choice that we were able to find was the core. Here is what it came down to, as you inherit anything, you have a choice to keep it or give it all away. In other words as you are in energy in this moment do you move away from the energy of go into it? As you elect to go away from it, you now will start to direct a role to play to be something that gives you an identity as it were as a product of the energy you endured. Running away, you can be in a thriving career or be in a long term relationship, all of which will still bring you back to what you moved away from why does this happen? Because the root is still intact and not dived deeper into only the consequences of what the root caused. The root is why did someone decide to choose alcohol? why did they choose to use drugs? Why did they choose to be physically abusive? Why do they choose to abuse someone emotionally. This is the shaking off reaction that we see that all beings of energy have.
The only being of energy that holds this energy and doesn’t shake it off instantly is the human being. The human being is a funnel of collective energy that will endure the experience of what was done and will vibrationally ring inside the being not showing them how to ring this out as you would see a dog do to remove surplus energy of a swan or any other being that has been disrupted by energy.
The remembering of what it was when you experienced real at the age of 2 will tell you this. You fell down and scrapped your knee you didn’t make an identity of the pain until you were taught. The two year old you, scraped the knee and got up and screamed or cried and then it became as you got older and fell questions were asked of you that created the identity to no longer get up and shake it off now it was bottle necked inside you to be something else because of the pain that was endured. How do you remove such a thing? You do so with going to the root of the pain and no longer seeking reasons.
So your grandfather was an alcoholic? what pain was he covering up? what was he not communicating that he wanted to be numb through? Did it have anything to do with you? Did it have anything to do with his children? Was his drinking nature something that his mother and father did that they were covering this up as well? Even going back shaking this off of them, will not change the path of what you can shake off and embrace now inside yourself. Embracing what you are as a being of truth in the light.
Example of this: Lois as a child would sit at age 9 and wait for her father to come pick her up along with her sister who was younger than her on Fridays. Her father wouldn’t show up, as he was at a bar drinking and hanging with friends. He would become completely drunk not realizing that his kids were waiting for him. As they would finally get around their father they would smell the alcohol. He loved his kids very much and his drinking wasn’t about them, but it was that they experienced the energy in abandonment because of what his root was which caused him to drink. As they became older they were attracted to men who did these types of behaviors not even seeing it as a cycle of energy but rather a familiar stream of energy that was consumed in the root with these as the symptoms. The fear of abandonment as they found abandonment needed to be hidden as to not know the reason why in relationships a man wouldn’t stay around or would become illusive they needed to experience the non communication as a familiar energy to experience what they felt could be unconditional love which was very much conditional. Conditions are met in this way! Do you see the dysfunction? Do you see how just these moments caused the truth from eluding even the children who didn’t even know the root of why these things happened? They didn’t because a part of them which wasn’t aware of the root, became the role that they experienced in the hidden truth of the energy they were all infected within.
The elections of codependency, Is that the dependency is not the truth, the root or truth of the dependency can only be pointed to by the familiar energy you experience because of the root. As a negative energy that has pain, what is the pain specifically? what are the dysfunctions of the energy as it relates to what outcomes happen? Are you able to see the conditions, and embrace them unconditionally with or without reason? This will point to the conditions you have on yourself, because of how you interact in those conditions as they arise.
All behaviors in energy that you produce have a cause and effect. Mainly these are translated into thoughts that repeat and cause your behavior to exert the energy in cycle, which is embedded in thinking which to realize that knowing is how the cycle can be broken and healed. Example: I am successful because I am a confident person in SOME WAYS… This is a lie! The truth is you are successful regardless of what you think, as your body is producing aliveness in being which is everything, it is in interaction to all energy whether it is positive or negative. No matter the negative or positive the choice to see the light is to see the truth in it and embrace it as a truth.
This is done in truth… as you are pointed to the truth without the distorted thinking that goes with it the forgiveness can be how the truth is embraced.
Lois & Clark
My dream last night was simple, I went on a journey inside of my hands, I was able to feel what my hands felt, it was a journey Ill not forget. I woke up and Clark got up and I called him back over just so I could touch him, wrapped my arms around him and let my hands feel his skin. The texture of his skin is so soft and warm. I then had a few moments to myself and went off into a quick meditation when I came out I looked at my hands.
My hands held my parents hands as a child, they held my ears when i heard the arguing and the hitting, they covered my eyes, they wrote my name for the first time and they haven’t stopped lol. My hands held my children , changed their diapers,soothed their fevered foreheads, my hands cook dinner for my family, set the table for family dinners, they have tucked many gifts from the tooth fairy under pillows, they have wrapped many presents, they have zipped backpacks, they have hit in protection. They have raised to cover for protection, They fold in prayer, they open in meditation,they have pet precious family pets, they have painted walls, cleaned carpets, washed dishes, they have planted flowers, they have planted vegetables and fruit, they have held the cold hands of loved ones who have passed, The have written letters form my heart onto paper.
My hands hold Clarks, they go through his hair, touch his skin. They are scarred, they are sometimes tired, however they still have so much to do, they have grandchildren to hold, they have flowers to hold, they have words to type, just as they have typed these, They have medicine to give, They are medicine, They are healers, They are lovers, They are friends….Take a look at your hands, appreciate them for what they have done for you, use them wisely in everything they WILL do for you.
What have you have already touched in your life? What will you touch now?
In Every relationship in our lives, friendships, family, romantic and professional can potentially be destroyed by conflict. The solution is not to ignore the conflict or keep moving around hoping to find the perfect person or perfect people. We need to deal with the problems we currently face, otherwise they will just reappear elsewhere. The only thing we have the power to change in any relationship is ourselves and our own attitude. We can’t expect to change other people, but we can learn to deal with relationships in a way that promotes peace and diffuses conflict. Learning to Resolve conflicts in a relationship is one of the most important life skills we can develop and it is something we need to value.
I believe, it is important to see the problem from the other person’s perspective. This does not mean we have to agree with their viewpoint; it means we try to see the issue from a different perspective. This can at least help us to understand where they are coming from, and why they have their particular mindset. If we can do this we may wish to moderate our stance because we understand why they are acting in a certain way. If we only look at things from our perspective, conflict will certainly arise. A major cause of conflict in relationships is when we expect people to behave in a certain way. The problem with expecting certain behavior is that we get upset when they fail to live up to our expectations. Even those close to us are not our responsibility; we need to be tolerant of their mistakes and limitations. We have to respect their decisions on how to live their life. This detachment is not indifference; we can retain concern , but there comes a point where we need to give people the freedom to make their own choices, even if we don’t agree with them.
Unfortunately, if we respond to situations by getting angry we will make the situation even worse. Anger holds a feeling of aggression and condemnation which people struggle to deal with it. It also calls out and it encourages people to respond in a similar way. If we feel angry, the best solution is to avoid talking , arguing at that particular time. We should calm our anger before confronting other people. Any conflict will only be heightened by anger. Similarly, if people approach us with anger, we have to learn to respond differently ,silence is better than getting mad at someone.
Most of the time we get what we aspire for. If we really value peace in our relationships with others, then we will make it happen. If we make proving the other person wrong or proving ourselves right the priority, then there will be a constant feeling of superiority and inferiority which breeds conflict. If we keep reminding ourselves of the desirability of peace we won’t allow ourselves to become argumentative and miserable.
One of the secrets to maintaining good relationships is generating a feeling of oneness. This means we will feel happy at the success of others; we will sympathize when they experience difficulties; we will strive to avoid hurting their feelings. In oneness there is no superiority and inferiority. Without oneness, we are prone to feelings of pride, jealousy and insecurity. If you feel a really genuine sense of oneness with other people, how can you want to hurt them? Certainly this is the case is romantic relationships, the very last thing we should want to do is hurt the one we are in love with, I know it hurts me to the core when I say anything hurtful to Lee. It should also ring very true in family relationships, every family has conflict, most every time its caused by egos colliding, I have found that ridding myself of my ego has been most helpful, this has removed any and all conflict within myself for anyone I am associated with. I allowed my mind to tell me that without my ego I would be just an insecure human being.
When we are full of insecurities our relationships become more difficult. The problem is that if we are insecure about ourselves we can become judgemental about other people; to make ourselves feel better we will start criticizing others. We may not be conscious of this, but it does happen.(This is why i choose to not let my mind control me) When we are at peace with ourselves, good peaceful relationships come natural. When we have inner peace , we don’t rely on other people to give us security and praise. When we are at peace with ourselves, we tend to have a sympathetic and positive view of the world. Often we want to blame bad relationships on other people; but, actually the only thing we can really do is to work on ourselves. If we develop inner peace our relationships will definitely improve.
When tense situations arise, talking can be the most effective way of moving past the problem. Some things are best left unsaid; it does no one any good to bring up old conflicts unless absolutely necessary, what has already happened cannot be changed. When talking we should try to talk about positive issues; look for things which we agree on and can work together on.
Don’t get upset about little things. In the great cosmic game, most of the minor personality conflicts are relatively insignificant. If we get mad when someone doesn’t do the washing up, how are we going to react when they do something really bad? If you find yourself getting worked up by a series of small things, take a step back and try to evaluate their relative importance. For each minor failing try to think of a really good quality of that person. If you are sincere you will feel that this good quality is far more important than the minor indiscretion, This is something I have had to step back myself and put into action.
No conflict is difficult. If we are willing to change our attitude,release our egos. we can develop peace even with difficult people. It is always important to be positive and forget the past. If we can develop peace in our relationships, it will definitely make a big difference to our lives.
Live, Laugh, Love
Feel yes! Think….. well that is why we don’t see it properly!
Energy is how this happens.. Here is something to ponder, As a child you had parents who got divorced, as you got older you have a child and were married and got divorced. Now you see this and say how do I break this cycle. This cycle is apparent is it not? You never saw how to make a marriage work in essence you weren’t even surrounded by what a connection should be as it became either a drama that was about disconnection or it was just a compatibility issue. Either way when you experience these things the energy you see is what you view the world from. Not because of choice but because of Karma, you will view connection as a view you witnessed, repeating the same pattern as a cycle of mistrust and disconnection.
This happens to you, and it is that now you have to be the extension of this result. Evolution is not that we evolve from what we are as human, but what we are as energy to see the why in what we are within. You do this in a multitude of ways. You can’t be what you don’t experience is what the mind will tell you. Which, is why the view is hard to remove, yet what you can do is see it from all the sides, it is trying to show you something. You may choose a partner who will reflect what your father was to you, If your father abandoned you or wasn’t there for you, emotionally disconnected to you, you will seek someone with these qualities not knowing you have this as a necessary trait. You will even feel the familiar of this person as though you have known them before in a past life, this is the translation we state that makes this even harder to remove from us. The mind is a constant source of karma energy!
Karma is a flow of energy that you are within based on the view of what you can change about the cycle you are repeating within the mind that was infected. Not because it is a place to be designed within, but how those consequences of those who gave you life showed you how to be within it. This is not the intent, but it is the truth about why you repeat patterns of cycled behavior based on a thought process you are placed within.
All children will start to show you early symptoms of what you experienced in your existence. As they become 3 or 4 they will have a personality developed that shows them choices from the view they witnessed you are. This can be survival, this can be how you share with others, this can be how you interact with others. We laugh it off when they do, yet it is the place this pattern of thought begins that doesn’t keep them in the free love pattern they came from. The conditions are instilled in this way. Some will be unconditional but once the conditions are placed in thought it becomes the way of existing.
Little Sally is constantly getting a new toy from her daddy who does this as a means to show her love, and her mommy gives her love by telling her how beautiful she is.. do you see how this pattern will bring this child as they come into being say 10 years down the line? This is how this comes about. How do you change this? Go back to the source of your own Karma, what developed egoic mode of thinking within you to break you free of this. This will be how you embrace the root of what this was and is within you in your thought pattern of how you view the world and how you taught this to your own children. This was a beautiful question it shows how you want to break free from incessant thinking that has kept you in a prison since becoming a mind made you… and will break the effect to the generations to come. 😉
What is the greatest thing about a spiritual union between lovers?
The truth sets you free….
A spiritual union has a very profound place to point inside you that not only regulates what you experience but it speaks the places within you that are not you all together. What does that mean exactly?
Well as each of us is born into a energy that is spiritual energy. We merge into the unconsciousness that we are injected into as growing to know human existence we are within. What your father is to you, what your mother is to you and what their energy combined gave you in the egoic construct of thinking.
This interactive, yet directive energy is the illusion of what energy is especially when it becomes mastered within thought. In the search for ultimate consciousness some are either unconsciously seeking a truth that is more illusive, because of these taught traits that are given to us by history, by mankinds thoughts of what to think as an equation of what connection means.
The two energies combined that brought you into this existence are the means to an cycle or an extension as it were. We don’t gravitate to the understanding that we carry the traits of what our parental beings gave to us, that they lacked in understanding and stand in the energy to see how this energy can be combined with others.
Some will connect almost in a violent exchange of energy that one may be nurturing with energy and the other a vacuum of energy. The cycled chain of repetitive behavior resumes. We become flawed in the energy of thought, not the energy of connection that we are always connected to. We make the choice to see value of what this connection is as a means of material, or means of emotional satisfaction (ego vs. ego, mind vs. mind).
The learned behavior in energy becomes controlling as a mental statement that we are in any moment. Before we can stay continually connected to another we must embrace what needs to be known about ourselves in the energy that directly connects us to procreate inside of the truth that we are inside of ourselves. We use a personal or particular way to do this with others. This method has kept us eluding the connection, in most cases it is why we make the choice to not connect at all. Instead create the lie we do in connection of not being accepted beyond the underlying lie of what we refuse to understand in ourselves.
For 34 years I thought my way into relationships… At first, without thought, I felt the euphoric energy that happens when you first meet someone and feel the energy that exist in those places outside the mind where it feels true, warm, and connected. Then thoughts settled in.. are they going to leave me? Is someone else going to come into the picture? I would create an exit strategy by thought never knowing I was doing this on purpose or result. Why should I trust this as a mode of thinking where did that stem from. My mother was a single mother who raised us 3 kids.. She was very spiritual, a hard worker, and was loving in every sense. Made every sacrifice to do for her children. The painful part I carried in this was that she was looking for a love that was beyond what love was here in this existence,(this was embedded in me at birth, it was her core feeling in belief.) Men and alcohol were a part of her coping with what she could never find. My father who was absent and hardly there, for when he was, his materialistic ways and always being right about whatever his mind was able to find a formula for everything to include survival in social status. It was there embedded deeply in him, he was the authority of thinking, he wasn’t in my existence much but when I finally went to live with him, he was with another family raising them! He had the nice car, the beautiful woman who was very wrapped up in herself and had to be his priority above his children. No matter I was his first born, he helped in my creation and abandoned me and I was embedded in being in this cycle.. Doomed I was to repeat it. This connection was not me, nor was any of the actions of what my parents were to me what I wanted to be in truth, so I created a lie to be exactly what they were. I never saw the truth in what I was in energy. The connection in union of spirituality brought all of these to a head.. It wasn’t that I could see that I was living entirely in my head, it showed me in the stream of energy I was in, and didn’t see how others had lived how could I my reality was my thoughts.
Not until I was able to see myself in my connection to Lois would this be my wake up. I tried to keep her with my mind, I lost her more times than I can count, to include the thought process that wanted to try everything to keep her. All LIES!!!!!! The truth was not just glimpses of all the things I saw in myself but every lie attached to me that I wasn’t. This came after great pain.. which needed great healing for a great birth.
I know I am speaking way to long here.. But without this I could not point to the energy in connection that is missed. The truth in what you are in all moments. Whether it be fear that is created to not be with someone for fear you will be made a spectacle of, or doubtful because doubt was what gives you protection from what truth you wish to run from. All of this has a root, in what you think and thinking in connection is why connections fail… miserably and mental stances are the reason we are broken and can’t see the truth.
You are energy… You are energy of creation in existence, mind or ego keeps you in one of two places. Staying safe in your own energy or collecting someone else’s. You can experience this next time you are next to someone who is seemingly draining you of your energy. Know that by them doing this that energy they came from did the same to them. Even in birth. This is the misuse of connection in energy.. Energy in union within spirituality can give you the truth of your energy to never have this happen to you again. You can share your energy in union and even with physical separation you are still very much connected making a deeper connection in energy that will give you the truth to be within without any resistance. This is the steps to spiritual union that within physical, emotional, thoughts or any other kind of energy you can point to that this points in connection. It is why the divide happens.. We have missed it as a matter of being human being taught to be within thought, where thought is the lie in why all connections fail based on core knowing principles that living your life in meditation will show you in how deep you can love you just have to stay deeply rooted in the energy that is you and take the extension of what you were born within and change it by breaking the cycles that give you only an illusionary view of truth!
Clark with input from Lois… hehehehe