Im Marrying a Cheater!!!

 

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As a Child I dreamed of this Connection, a love no other seemed to believe in, I would daydream about a connection so deep that you could feel physical manifestations of the other person, I dreamed and dreamed and when I spoke of this great love i was shot down,”your living in a fantasy world”. “there is no such thing, its only in dreams”. So thats where I kept it, in my dreams,,,,,, I married for 13 years, it was a “normal” marriage, I divorced dated, and then 2 years of self discovery ended me up in a new city with a brand new start and a fresh outlook on life, and then,,,,,, it all started.

 

I met him, when I saw him, my heart knew something was different, my soul awakened, my eyes were gazing upon the most beautiful man I have ever seen. We spoke and his voice consumed me, his written words were poetry to my ears. The first time my eyes saw him My heart stopped beating for seconds, I could not breathe, Ill nervier forget the fist sight, he was standing/leaning against the back of his car at a place we had agreed to meet at, he wore business attire which He wore so sexy, he was certainly easy on the eyes, I Immediately felt unworthy, I felt this beautiful man could not be here to meet me, but he was and I was falling all over myself. We talked to get to know one another, and time stood still.

 

Time after time he would call the numbers still are etched in my soul when they would show up on the caller Id, my heart raced, my palms would sweat. He had done something to me, we would make plans to meet, always at my place and I would get so excited, I would make sure to be home earlier to shower and prepare myself for THIS meet may be “the one” because every time we met there was ALOT of kissing and making out, and oh my when we kissed it lasted for hours,and well as ironic as it was HE would not “put out”. He never left me unsatisfied, the passion so strong so amazing so deep, however it seems I was on a “mission”.

 

Let me go back for a second and describe a kiss, a kiss I have written about, and he has written about, a kiss so deep, a kiss that awakened that ‘DREAM” I had kept inside of me, I saw inside of his soul, I saw him and I knew he could see me, I knew he he could see “ME”. That scared the shit out of me, why wouldn’t it, I had lived a very messed up life, I had a lot of skeletons in my closet and this fine specimen of a man had the key to the damn door! Let me explain how that feel for those of you who dont know,,,,Its like a serial killer who had a ton of “evidence” in his house and the police were knocking on the door,,,, That kiss made my heart do flips, made my stomach turn in excitement and fear combined. When he left that day I was glad he was gone but never wanted him to leave.

 

The visits became less and less and my “mission” was not complete,,,, and then i began to put together pieces like a puzzle in my mind. He had asked me not to call him as it was a business phone and he got “charged” for calls. He only ever contacted me during the day “business hours”, we only ever met during the day, and his e mails were mostly his writings, writings of sexual nature, fantasies he had in his head, stories of passion and lust and love at first I felt as if he had just copied and pasted them but later I knew they were his writings. I sat in a sinking feeling,,,, he MUST be married.

 

He called for a “visit” and what some would call a “booty call” but i wasn’t getting any “booty”, but THIS was the visit I was going to complete my “mission”, This man who had such a great impact on my soul, I knew was “shady” I know was lying, I had to put my DREAM, back inside of myself, lock it back up and just complete my mission,,,,,, always wondering WHY he would not go all of the way with me? Was i not good enough? Was I not sexy enough? Was I not worthy? Did he have a disease? Did he promise himself he would “play around” but never really go all of the way out of respect for his wife IF he had one? WHY???  What was the problem,,,, I asked him in an e mail, Are you HIV Positive? he laughed and said no im not, I have a clean bill of health,,, so the mission was reinstated,,,, and the visit came and through some really tough persuasion HE gave in to my “persuasion” and mission accomplished. When he was about to leave I looked into his eyes, something was different, something had changed in him, he left and I knew at that moment I would not be hearing back from him. I went on with my life so I thought, there were times I missed him, when the phone rang I would hope, I checked my e mail,, nothing, The only breakdown I had was one fall day,,September 26th 2005,

 

I had confronted him in e mail about his lies,days before, explaining to him what i saw,,, all the signs of a married man,,,,his response was another “fantasy” written out, he avoided my comments and my questions, he was exposed so divert my attention he “thought” he would grab my attention with another writing, I was livid, i was angry, I was hurt and I drove, I drove out to a place very special to me, a Big deck over a lake in a State park, a Deck my Grandpa and my Father had a part in building as a “Community service” project. I went out there often, and although it had been rebuilt a couple of times since then I still feel the craftsmanship my Grandfather put into everything he did. I got there, the wind was chilly, it was almost dark, I listened to the squirrels run around in the leaves, I saw a rabbit, I was a fish jump in the water and I began to cry, I began to scream out loud,,,, WHY ARE YOU LYING TO ME? WHY ARE YOU SO DIFFERENT? WHY CANT I STOP FEELING YOU?? WHO ARE YOU AND WHY DID YOU COME INTO MY LIFE? I HAVE HAD ENOUGH HURT I DONT NEED YOURS!!! IF YOU CAN FEEL ME STOP LYING TO ME AND COME TO ME,,, EXPLAIN THIS FEELING I HAVE EXPLAIN WHY I CAN SEE INSIDE OF YOU!!!  COME BACK TO ME SO WE CAN FIGURE THIS OUT,,,,,  CAN YOU HEAR ME,,,,, I screamed until my throat hurt and I felt as if my tears would flood the lake, I watched as they hit the water down below and I felt as if I was fighting a losing battle, The Universe had played a very bad trick on me.

 

From that moment on everything with his was a game to me, I just knew he was different, the way he touched me, the way he spoke to me, they way he looked at me, the way we connected.

I had to let it go, I had to put this awakening feeling back inside of me, and I did, and i eventually went on with my life and I was right that was the last time I saw him, The time I was able to “complete mission”.The e mails got fewer and fewer. I did not need all that in my life, I met someone else and got engaged, and then out of nowhere a YEAR later a message,,,,A simple how are you doing message and then come everything flooding inside of me,,,HOWEVER  attached with those feelings were hurt and doubt, and A lot of doubt inside of me,,, wait if I can still have “these” kinds of feelings for someone else how could I marry someone? I was a mess inside and it was really all his fault!! Why did he come back into my life?

 

For months we met and talked and time stood still, but this was different as I was on a path of self destruction, it was me against everyone who had ever hurt me, and I grew into something just as bad as I felt he was, He was trying to stand in his truth, trying I say because he was not but I was getting answers, and I loved being in his presence It awakened me further, and the darkness got deeper as I knew he could see me so I had to find deeper places to hide it. I found out that my suspicions were warranted,he was married, however he had not lived with his wife for years, but had lived with someone else for nearly 9 years, so he had a wife AND a live in girlfriend, funny thing though he was still sleeping with his wife,and was lying to her and telling her he loved her and she had hung on for him all those years, all the while living another life with someone else,, and me well I was only one of MANY, he had on the side of his wife and live in girlfriend,in my eyes at that time he was a gorgeous, sexy, womanizing player! But I loved him, however so did many others, I found out he was sending them all the same “fantasies” all the same deep writings, all the ‘lines” only 1 thing was different,,, He would not be intimate with me in entirety. He was living out fantasy in each and every  woman he was with looking for different pieces of his puzzle, looking for something different in each one, he was looking for “himself”. He was hurting so many, and the big picture was the hurt he was doing to himself,,,

I watched him go through a change so deep, I watched as he confessed everything to me, I let him cry, I loved this man, I realized at this moment I was deep in love with him, but my mind would tell me over and over there was ALOT of women in love with this man! All I could do was be his friend, and go on with my life, so I was his friend and i stayed his friend as I watched him cry and confess and do it again to another woman and again to another one, and I watched as he witnessed me “feeling” his pain, I watched him and loved him as his wounds were deep, and his change was hard, he was lost. I knew I could never be with him really,,,Once a Cheater always a Cheater right??? We would confess our love for one another and we would in turn hurt one another.

 

I knew I could never really “be” with a man like this, I could never trust him, I cold never believe in him, again once a Cheater,,,,I married and it was a lie, I was not in love with him, I loved him, But I was not in love with him, I did it out of hurt,I just wanted to be loved and be the “only” one in someones life, and I knew I would have this from this man, I didn’t want to live a life of non trust, already we were connected though I could not deny that, however he would confess his love for me and the same night I could FEEL him with someone else. The Pain was hard to handle, it was unbearable, So perhaps marrying someone else was a way to throw that pain back at him, In turn I realize I was hurting a lot of people as well, I had become him, he just didn’t know it!

 

My Marriage was a mess, no wonder, I was in love with someone else and we communicated daily, We remained friends, as my marriage fell apart, In a night of hurt and to much alcohol I slept with my husband who I was already estranged from, and we conceived,,, I met with my friend and he is the one who told me i was pregnant he could see it in me. It was true, So I was living a lie with a man who I was about to have a child with, and he was still sleeping with others, still lying to his wife, and his live in girlfriend. At one point he had told me to just “come on” just come and be with him and he would raise my child as his own and we would just be in love,,, I thought about it over and over and after an argument with my husband I left and went to him, when i got to his home before I got to the door, I saw in the window and he was in an embrace with his girlfriend and they kissed, i never knocked i went him to my husband, it was what it was, we loved one another deeply but the hurt was to much, but I TRUSTED my husband and I needed that !

 

My friend and I barely spoke during my pregnancy we e mailed a bit and spoke on messenger a bit, but the communication was no where near as before,, He sent my son a gift in the mail and

we just remained friends,,,and just as fast as communication diminished it picked backup again, only this time it was a bit different he was different and I could see something about to happen, I wasn’t sure what. We met and we were “together” only this time beautiful and it was life changing and I knew he was someone I could never be without even if not physically, we were spiritually connected, we loved one another and it was evident.

 

 

We got closer and closer and I knew he was still lying and seeing others, this player was good, I had dealt with a “couple” of the women he hurt and they told me the same stories, “he said that to me too, yes he told me that too!”  uggg this man was toxic!!  and then,,,His mother was found very ill, and I watched him as he lost his mother, it was a very painful time for him, I just remained his friend, I went to the service, sat in the very back row, I just wanted him to know  I was there for him, I didn’t stick around, I left directly after. I saw him the next week and I saw something in him I had not seen before, It was different ! He cried to me, he broke down and the next few months were hell. i watched him die, I watched him split, I watched him fight and struggle, he was honest with his girlfriend who had since moved out, he actually told her he was deeply in love with me and he was direct.

 

He then went through something really really amazingly painful but so beautiful! He was honest with his wife and he started the process of divorce, my husband had long since moved out and finally just simply asked me “why aren’t you with him?” Did I mention my ex husband is a great man? SO we did it we made a go of it but did I trust him?? HELL NO!  when he stated he was in a meeting I requested a “picture” of this said meeting and he always accommodated and he understood!  What we had not addressed was the skeletons I had in my closet!  at this point he was standing COMPLETELY in his truth,he was COMPLETELY honest with HIMSELF and with me about every aspect of his past and his life.

 

We lived together until MY skeletons began to come out and why would he stay with me after all he had been though why would he stay with me he was honest with me he deserved my honesty and i never gave it to him, we separated and he forgave me and we reconnected and it happened again months later and again he forgave me and we reconnected and again, it happened again and he left me, this time for good, I saw it in him, he tried to connect with someone else as did I, I went through the same pain he went through I had to find myself, I had to fall in love with MYSELF, I had to go not my pain.

 

Now as we are both in our truth from this 9 year Journey,, we have been back out to that deck together numerous times, He proposed to me on that deck, standing in the very same place I was screaming for him at, tears fell from both of our eyes in the same water. I am in love with this amazing man and I get to spend the rest of my life with him, We share EVERYTHING we hide nothing from one another, we share a cell phone, we share emails, we share face books, we are together nearly always and when we are not, those very same butterflies I felt in 2005, i feel today when he calls from the store, when he sends me a message from Face book when im sitting right next to him.

 

I trust this man with everything i have in me, I trust him in every aspect! I trust he will never lie to me, I trust I am and always will be his one and only, I trust everything he Says to me. I believe in him, I believe in the Business we have created out of our story and out of what the universe has asked us to do, I believe in myself, I believe our running and chasing was a lesson and our experiences have already changed lives.

 

I sit in awe of this AMAZINGLY gorgeous man everyday of my life, I watch him walk and I smile I watch him type on the computer and I feel lucky, I watched him sleep just last night and I cried, He really is a genuine person, he’s gorgeous, he’s incredibly sexy, he’s honest, he’s true, he’s loving, he’s romantic, he’s passionate,hes kind, he’s generous, hes giving, he provides for us, he’s a wonderful father, he’s compassionate,and he loves me unconditionally and I love him unconditionally, I love him for what he’s been through, what we have been through, and the universe is now allowing us to teach from it.  The honeymoon stage is never ending, inside of me I still have those “forever” butterflies. The dream inside of me is awake and WE ARE LIVING IT! Relationship Reinvented was born from this connection.

 

The old Quote “Once a cheater always a cheater”  could be true, My cheater, CHEATED CHEATING do you understand that????,By going inside of the root of WHY he was choosing those actions, WHY he was hurting people. He went INSIDE, he in a sense took his own life,HE CHEATED CHEATING! and I have this wonderful man in my life, he is still a cheater, he cheated his pain out of staying alive, he cheated his story out of Defining him, He cheated everyone who knows him out of being able to say, “hes still the same old guy” “believe me he’s still lying and cheating”, anyone who knows him now and knows him then is no longer able to say that because they can see it in him! They can see by his actions and his energy that part of him no longer exists. He has cheated that quote out of being true!!   I was on that deck on September 26th or 2005 screaming for him,,,, and I will be back on that deck September 26th of this year Marrying this Cheater and I am the Luckiest Woman in the World!

I Love You Clark Kent

Love Lois

 

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2014 Healing Series, Blog talk Radio Show with Special Guest Sheri Bessi from The other side of Ugly!

Trust is the topic of todays discussion! ThankHealing series! You Sheri for joining us!

 

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/relationship-reinvented/2014/03/22/awakenings-of-the-twin-flames-discussion

Our Deep Sincere Thanks!

 

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There comes a time in your life when you take a look at where you are in that particular moment, We have had quite the Journey as most of you have read most of our blogs and know we have a connection so strong, so honest and so True it withstood everything the universe threw at us. We are Now Living a True Twin Flame Union, Inside this Union we have no choice but to teach, learn and guide others going through any type Relationship Issues. We tend to not lean on our College education or even what we absorbed from our Certification courses, we coach and guide from our one soul. We were led to make this our life’s work, and going in without fear proved difficult however we do what we are led to do, we enjoy it, and we appreciate it.

 

Looking at where we are now simply amazes us. We have such an amazing growing client base and when its time for them to fly, they fly and always keep in touch with us and sometimes even find they need a little more guidance and we are always here. Recently we have noticed such a spike in our e mail box and our Facebook group is growing by 50+ daily. No doubt we have our clients do their own work and sometimes its very uncomfortable and even painful but the result is Peace, and Unconditional love.

 

The loving support and Beautiful words sent to us daily from our Clients and friends confirms to us we are doing what we are called to do. Yesterday was an especially amazing day when a Client of ours found out we were getting Legally Married this fall,we have always been married in our souls and feel it is time to take the step here and have a Twin Flame Ceremony 🙂

What she did for us we will never forget and we are still in awe. She posted in our group and on our page, a page for all of our friend to see and so they are all able to assist in this ceremony. The tears this gave us were of deep bliss!

 

What a gift to have a ceremony touched by all of our friends from all over the world. Saying Thank You does not feel like it is enough, its not about the ceremony for us, it is all about the marriage and with this blessing the ceremony will be more beautiful than ever and will certainly be recorded and shown all over the world to show those who are experiencing the same journey we were on that there is healing ahead.

 

We are blessed to have all of you as Clients, Friends and Family.

Here is the page she posted!

http://www.gofundme.com/TwinFlameWedding 

Love

Lee and Sherry (Lois and Clark)

Before you Attack your Partner Look inside yourself!

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Doesn’t it seem like when you lay down to go to sleep IF you have mind noise that mind noise continues inside of you one way or another into the next day which is supposed to be NEW! Usually I can shut my mind off and count my breaths or listen to my heartbeat whatever way I can usually shut my mind down and fall asleep and journey into someplace the Universe needs me to be. I remember the last “ thought” I had before falling into sleep. “why do I have to breathe in these toxic fumes, I dont smoke, I never have”  and then it began  the journey inside of myself. i have been soulfully conscious of what I put in my body.

 

I say soulfully because I had to soul train my mind because my mind LOVES Cake,  Chocolate Cake, White CAKE well any kind of Cake… CAKE IS DAMN GOOD,,, JUST SAYING.

 

So I had to tell my mind yes mind, your right cake is good,,, but eating the entire cake is not good, you will be permitted to have cake just not the whole damn thing lol. my last Doctors visit was a real pooper, The fact is I am overweight, I feel great because my Soul is Clean, I stand in  my truth at all times, I have nothing hidden, all my dark secrets are out my twin KNOWS who I am, what i stand for he knows all of my truths even the really ugly ones.I realized a long time ago why I carried extra weight, it was for protection, mind noise that no one would want me or try to abuse me as well as physical protection from my secrets, they were buried deep inside of me,,,,All is out now and I simply dont need this protection. Nor do I want IT!

 

This is all just extra I dont need, So I have vowed to get rid of it, and I am, however over the past couple of days I have went over in calories and have not moved as much as I would like so have felt discouraged, and when I get discouraged I like to blame others for my discouragement its just easier that way lol

 

So I noticed everything everyone else was doing wrong, when in reality it was my own self I was disappointed in, I went to bed last night discouraged with ME, I dont enjoy the toxic smoke from cigarettes i am a non smoker however my Twin enjoys it and I love him unconditionally and he’s not a regular smoker he smokes very infrequently, HOWEVER I find that when I dont take as good of care of my self he tends to smoke more,,, sometimes this connection goes so much deeper than the human mind can imagine.

I hurt my body the past two days but not continuing the cycle of “physical healing”. He is Physically ill, I am feeling his pain, he is having some kidney issues and I woke up this morning in pain and I WAS PISSED!  (I suppose it the same type of pissed he feels when he experiences my menstral cramps :).

 

My journey took me inside of me, why I was disappointed in ME, what I had done to get off track, what I could have done different and why I didn’t. There was no blame on anyone else it was ME. I want to be healthy, I want to be fit, I want that for me, for my kids and for my Twin because I Know he feels it, I want the energy that comes with being healthy, I am on the mission to get it.

 

My mind wanted to blame everyone else for my failures, when in fact I haven’t failed at all, I am still making drastic changes I am still on track when I fall off and consume to many calories thats my fault not anyone else’s. It has nothing and EVERYTHING to do with my twin, does that make sense? It has nothing and everything to do with him. It has everything to do with me, and my mindset and how I see things, It has everything to do with my control of me and how I treat my own body, when I heal so does he, when he heals so do I, When we fall apart physically we have to heal together. When I eat badly he smokes more, when he smokes more I eat badly.

 

To Heal this I have to go inside myself and find out what it is I am doing to not heal. So I wake up from that message filled Journey and I feel refreshed, ready to start a new day, my son woke me up at 8 am, I felt pain in my back, I was happy to take some of my twins pain, I was ready to get up and  begin a brand new healthier day, when I sat with my son and the smoke consumed me.

 

I tried to shut my mind down, I tried to not say anything, I hate smoke I always have, I vowed to never be with a smoker and I never was, I would not even date a smoker, so how ironic is the Universe my twin is a smoker, I love him unconditionally and that means loving him and his habit. I never want to Judge and I dont, I never have looked at him differently because he’s a smoker. I love him and if that means loving him while he smokes I do, and I always will.

I usually dont really notice him smoking because he smokes so rarely however the past couple of days its been more frequent.

So I got up without saying anything and just went back to the bed to lie down and fell back asleep for a while,,, and yet another dream Journey,,,What I do effects him, he has been smoking more frequent because I have been not taking care of myself more frequently. I remember a conversation I had with my mind, he has stated he was going to quit I know 20 times.

 

however I have stated i am going to get get healthy 100 times, to no avail, However this time I took a soul vowel and i am on mission,,,

 

He knows we are Twins and what he does effects me so why would he do that to us?

well I also know we are Twins and he’s feeling me unhealthy why would I overeat?

 

Well If he’s going to sabotage us , so am I

so You will be double unhealthy great plan!

 

 

I know without doubt when I get healthy he will no longer have the urge to smoke, its how twins work. We get healthy together. Today is a new day my mind is shut off, my ego is not allowed to have a say so in this. I will no longer attack my partner for what he is doing! I will no longer blame him for me being unhealthy!

 

When I fall off the wagon this is no ones issue but mine, I will no longer blame anyone else, I will no longer look for anyone else’s faults, I will go inside and find what it is I am doing to cause this behavior, It all begins within me, the destruction or the healing, I choose healing!

Love Lois

Uncovering the truths about Twin Flames!

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Join Lois and Clark live on internet radio Tonight at 8pm withSpecial Guests Trevor and Eileen Bild as we discuss the Truths about Twin Flames!

Call in Live with your Questions or comments!

 

Click on the link below to listen in!

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/relationship-reinvented/2014/02/05/uncovering-the-truths-about-twin-flames

Lois and Clark What am I missing???

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We had a Question posted to us about our 10 month Series, as we wind down our first month.

 

Dear Lois and Clark:

 

I am Following your 10 month series, and have been reading your posts on Abandonment and Listening to the Radio shows, and am really looking forward to next months topic on pain and Junes Topic on Unconditional Love, I have seen the flyer and understand you offer a paid version, so what am I missing just looking from the outside in and following the “public” series.

 

Sincerely

Randal

 

 

Wow, Randall, what a great Question! and one we really have not answered until Now!

During our 10 month Series we are posting in our Public Forums, and Social Networks some of our Series Information! However for our Series Members we offer quite a bit more information and fun!!

 

We have a PRIVATE group our members are a part of and we have Very Enlightening and Active Discussion 24 hours a day!  Our Members also are a part of our Monthly Workshops, where they are given personal projects to do,homework if you will  lol  We gather in the private forum to discuss these projects, often times very eye opening! We play “games” we get to know each other and get personal (only if you like) and sometimes we tend to go over allotted time because there is someone experiencing a “breakthrough” all the while with plenty of support from their fellow members as well as Lois and Clark!

 

We also have 2 live Webinars a month, where we gather and discuss the topics at hand and our personal stories and journeys and struggles.  We guide and have fun and laugh as we teach the tools to break the cycles we find ourselves in! Breakthroughs in webinars are powerful as it is video and we get to see all of our members face to face and they get to see us!!!  Often times we are laughing as a group and crying as a group, its freeing and cleansing and healing!

 

Our members also get 4 personal telephone sessions with us! and wow we have found those incredibly healing!

 

Our members also get a Personal Skype or FaceTime visit with us one on one, Fun and amazingly healing as we go deep inside and get real personal!

 

 

Also Randal at the end of every month as our members complete their series they receive by mail a certificate of Completion from Relationship Reinvented for each month completed! and at the end of the Series they will receive a very special Award of Completion of the Entire Series!

and the Healing is the best part, imagine diving into each one of these topics, going deep within and Healing the cycles within ! It is a Healing Series!!!  I hope this helped! and we are here if you have any more questions!!

 

Lois and Clark (and I forget the Big Bonus,,,, meeting Lois and Clark 🙂  lol)

 

 

Healing series!

 

 

Twin Flame Abandonment….

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When you know you are not at peace, your knowing creates a still space that

surrounds your non-peace in a loving and tender embrace and then transmutes your non peace into peace. As far as inner transformation is concerned, there is nothing you can do about it. You cannot transform yourself, and you certainly cannot transform your partner or anybody else. All you can do is create a space for transformation to happen, for grace and love to enter.

 

So whenever your relationship is not working, whenever it brings out the “madness” in you

and in your partner, be glad. What was unconscious is being brought up to the light. It is an

opportunity for salvation. Every moment, hold the knowing of that moment, particularly of

your inner state. If there is anger, know that there is anger. If there is jealousy, defensiveness,

the urge to argue, the need to be right, an inner child demanding love and attention, or emotional pain of any kind – whatever it is, know the reality of that moment and hold the knowing. The relationship then becomes your Sadhana, your spiritual practice.

 

If you observe unconscious behavior in your partner, hold it in the loving embrace of your knowing so that you won’t react. Unconsciousness and knowing cannot coexist for long – even if the knowing is only in the other person and not in the one who is acting out the unconsciousness. The energy form that lies behind hostility and attack finds the presence of love absolutely intolerable. If you react at all to your partner’s unconsciousness, you become unconscious yourself. But if you then remember to know your reaction, nothing is lost.  Humanity is under great pressure to evolve because it is our only chance of survival as a race. This will affect every aspect of your life and close relationships in particular. Never before have relationships been as problematic and conflict ridden as they are now. As you may have noticed, they are not here to make you happy or fulfilled. If you continue to pursue the goal of salvation through a relationship, you will be disillusioned again and again. But if you accept that the relationship is here to make you conscious instead of happy, then the relationship will offer you salvation, and you will be aligning yourself with the higher consciousness that wants to be born into this world. For those who hold on to the old patterns, there will be increasing pain, violence, confusion, and madness.

 

Ulrich T.

 

 

The consciousness of space is an energy that you are.. the difference in what is written here is probably the most powerfully transformative information about relationships ever written.  It is direct and to the point.  If your energy is passionate imagine what this energy must come off as if it is contained and able to be expressed.  When I was going through seeking this energy of love and it’s passion that I knew existed I realized this very important written release of what my mind was telling me.  Instead of seeking this and sharing what I wanted in passion I was entirely responsible for that passion and it’s release and it’s ability to be given.

 

The most vital experience here was to understand what it was that I dreamed and how to not try and bring that into the world by sharing the thoughts that I was about to make passionate with love from my own energy. I always dreamed of becoming dominant is very sexy dream induced sexual situations.. Mainly because the submissive energy would draw that out.. The sexiness of not being able to keep my eyes off of her.. the way she would dress, The short skirt the sexy spiked heels, the red lipstick and red fingernails that I would see digging into my ass as I pummeled away at her… It was in the meaning to be sexy, yet doing so because she would feel this in herself called to my energy in ways I haven’t been able to communicate because I didn’t know how to communicate this, yet the energy itself would ooze sexiness to me. The dream state of being this way to each other.  I didn’t understand my dreams and what they were trying to show me.  The passion of it though would wake me.. It wasn’t about the act of sex that would ensue, it was the energy of time that was being removed from being that intimate with her that I searched for.

 

Of course this can be captured without making this something you have to tell someone to do,  This energy is where I knew the connection of twins was met in her,  It wasn’t about the connection of what we shared in moments awake,  It was that mirror of when I looked into her eyes I knew she was the one who I had been dreaming this all along with.

 

Now you couple this with the other part of what we both are in the world of form and it becomes lost, every energy that I know that is out there this is the most powerful and awakening to no longer live humanly but to always be in a constant state of this dream.  For me it becomes lost because it becomes something that doesn’t have an answer to.

 

The human condition of love ensues this is the ego, and it’s demands to be what the view of the ego needs for this to be in non-peace.  The search of finding such a thing escapes because it becomes about the thinking mind it’s continued blabbing about content and labeling.   My mind states this repeatedly, “She is not attracted to me in that space anymore!”  What is wrong with me? Am I getting to old? Do I look worse? Am I not in the best shape? Is it that I don’t take care of myself by smoking?  Is my hair falling out?  Are my kisses not stirring like they used to be? Can she not see this passion in my eyes anymore to know this is still in me and has grown substantially?

 

This is a very uncomfortable state of being.   Our love making becomes more about the love and seems to suffer less in the passion of lust that I know that is still in me consumed yet it was placed there because it became out of control.…  It fed the ego the need to be with multiple women trying to find a way to quech this thirst within me.  Not because I wanted it that way, but because without a template growing up to see this happen in real time between two that were connected.. I don’t know the path to take!

 

I don’t know if I am the reason that she isn’t able to communicate or see the place inside me that this is, I know she wants to heal this as much as I do, yet the complexity of the communication doesn’t mirror this for us to see it clearly without making this a very hurtful conversation.   For this is what I was hoping we both would be able to communicate compassionately to discover it and be honest and true about it without hurting each other to understand it better and birth it into a truth that we both embrace.   I felt lost when I realized that we aren’t that way with each other and that it is unspoken yet it is the biggest elephant in the connection we share,  It is about the connection as much as it is about the mind.  This inside of me buried as it is from the mind, In my truth, it is this that causes her to seek food as a comfort, over indulging, escaping, habit forming in thought that keeps us separate in this from my mind. Then I feel her rejection that is going on in her thought process that I may be doing and am responsible for, and that energy spoken or not continues what I hear in my head and though I have these thoughts in a space I just let stay there, unsure of how to speak about it or state it being in fear it will cause conflict or pain from what isn’t healed that I want to heal in us both.   It is this which keeps her from me, in this unspoken energy it is not just in me but it is in her as well.  The physical body that we both posses is shared, and I can feel this energy in her as I do my own. Sometimes hard to breathe, or hard to push myself to move my body to do what it can do, knowing in me what it was made to do, is more of a chore than it is a want or need.  Does my truth need to be that I want her to lose the weight to remove this from us both, to be more confident, to be more sexy in herself, she is already sexy to me, but the clothes I know she wants to wear she doesn’t even own, and I dream of always buying her clothes, shoes, things I did for others that we haven’t even ventured into that I so deeply want for her and I to experience. I do have the fear I just recently helped someone who was that way and lost all the weight and works out everyday and started to dress sexy and feel good inside herself, wanting her husband to take more notice and be more sexual with her.  She came dressed to a new years eve party and he was upset with what she was wearing and didn’t see her energy as truth, instead he became self conscious and thought what she was wearing was to revealing. And that she was seeking outside attention where to her this was the furthest thing in her, she loves him and is in love with him. Yet, what ended up happening in the energy that I spoke about being in passion, was that a close friend of theirs started flirting heavily with her, feeling rejection and abandoned by the husband who when out to the store to get more party favors, It went further in his absence and it happened they ended up having sex, passionate powerful animalistic sex.  It was her resolving the feeling of being wanted, and that her husbands energy was so negative in that he wasn’t seeing that she wanted the advances from him that she now was thinking that it best not to tell him of this yet to keep the marriage in tact.…

 

I deeply fear this as anyone would, I remember when I was younger my mother who I was living with and my father who was gone showed me this same kind of energy.  I used to sneak out at night with a girl one night though I came in at about 2, The phone rang as I opened the door, I was panicked, I closed it and stepped into the basement pacing about on how to explain what I was doing up and what I was  doing outside thinking that I was caught for sure.  I then heard my mother come downstairs I could hear her footsteps then I heard her stop and then the next thing I heard was heels walking about.. High heels… Unsure of what would happen next I went into the laundry room and I heard the door open from the back and then the door to the downstairs open.  I moved quietly into this space behind the heater in which I could see through the slits in the paneling of the wall.  My mother was dressed absolutely sexy.. then a man’s voice was heard stating exactly what I was thinking.  A short skirt, spiked heels and nothing on underneath.  The next 45 minutes were filled with animalistic passion. I was lost, and I was confused and on one hand I understood what was happening on the other I was bewildered.  I had never seen passion unleashed like this, well maybe later on watching cinemax or the movie channel, but something in me wanted what happened in that basement.  Ashamed and somewhat lost, it started to happen when I tried to explain to my girlfriend at the time what happened.  Then it began she did those things to entice me.. I was captivated and lost in it.  I felt lost as to what this meant to be married as the man who was there was married and so was my mom who I truly didn’t see the same way again.  Something became altered in this view.  about two years later I became fully sexually active and got caught sneaking out. It was an explosion always in the making. I was sent to live with my father, he was living with another woman and helping to raise her son..  She was absolutely gorgeous and dressed the same as my mother was when that happened.  She was a little thing though, very curvy and didn’t hold anything back when dressing just to go to the store.  As you can see this began long before I even realized how this spiked in me.

 

In me It is a thought process in energy that I want her to be slim enough to throw around in the bedroom, dress her sexy, and find closed confined spaces that our bodies can do more things to each other removing time and removing the energy that is keeping this from being a great part of our connection.

 

Do I feel her energy in this that she wants to be that for me, rather than be that for herself.  How do I communicate this with her?  Without this causing some deep seeded pain that she is still healing from because she put the weight on to make herself seem unwanted to stop the act of violence that was done to her.  How do I see this clearly and state the truth of what we are to each other without hiding it and continuing this gap in passion we so deeply are to each other. Is this the bind that we need to keep communicating and working with together to change?  Or will this hurt her because I see her in a light that mirrors my own undoing.

 

 

 

Am I to blame the love of my life deeply embedded in my energy as she is to me, would be able to be responsible to bring something that would be what I dreamed. Is this selfish of me?  The dream was a calling!  I could feel it, and I could experience it all to myself.

 

When I went through realizing how this made me unconscious, I also realized how many I had done this to, and they couldn’t feel it in themselves to feel the energy and how powerful it was to give that to them from deep inside of me.   This had to be brought into my consciousness, not for the sake of them, but for the sake of myself and my being awake. I so deeply want this with her, but how do I speak of it and not show my truth of pain that it is very animalistic and very seductive in nature.  I was birthed into this and stayed in it my entire existence till I was awakened for myself.

 

As you find your twin this will be a very significant challenge for the voice in the head that you have  been with your entire life becomes awakened.  Blending this with your consciousness is unescapable.   The twin can see this in you as you can see this in yourself.  You know that the passion is there, you know that the passion is deep within you.  The energy is there to feel with all that you are.  The confines of what this is when it becomes dormant is what happens when the other energy polarities are placed inside you to share with you don’t have the ability for you to embrace it without their help, without there input, without there sacrifice to see that this energy is the dragon in you unleashed.  It is the vault door of your truth.  As simple as it is to undo, there is the sense of abandonment that you feel will follow if the other can’t see it the non peace that you are in when you try and speak about it or communicate it from a place deep within you.

 

Being vulnerable in this is where this most emotional places within you become your strength.  I wait for the place this is.  Yet not communicating it made it stale and made it predictable. Yet the unpredictable place of how this becomes combined in our connection is what I want her to experience with me.

 

I am scared, I am unsure, I am…

 

My love for her so strong for what I am to her because she opened the door to what I was inside myself to myself.

 

Your I amness sprouts from the energy of what is deep within you not within someone else. You bring this into you as you would the air you breathe.

 

 

Love deeply,

 

Clark