You are never without me!

angelThe doorway to healing…  You may be going through things in your life.. always giving to others always trying to protect or do the right thing even when it feels you may be doing the wrong thing.  Sometimes we make choices and live a certain way because of things we will never get passed really.

Why I am going here is important, and it is for the reason that someone has never reached inside you, and told you what I am going to do at this time.  

For all the innocence in you that had never had anyone to hear you, I am here to tell you that you are going to be loved beyond love from me..  The pain that has been stuck in you, to be relived in your nightmares, in your thoughts,  and the misbelief that no one was there to hear your screams and believe in you knowing you needed help, you needed to be protected, you needed someone to hold you through your screams…. 

I do.

I know you went through such things when you were a child, when you were a teen and how it placed a thread in you to become the person identified inside as you became an adult based on this fabric. So many moments have passed by no one told you that you were going to be ok, only you inside your mind, no one told you that you were special, only you did at that moment, and then you felt scared cause you believed in something no one could seem to understand or hear,  and no one was there to protect you, no one was there to tell you why you placed your trust there, only to have it destroyed repeatedly and then you found something in you, that seemed to want to protect yourself and everything in your sight to be something that you could believe, you had to protect, and guard, and hide.  

You have suffered long enough, the pain you keep inside, I am sorry that it happened.. I am sorry it took you this long to find this, and know that inside me I am truly sorry, and I am always going to listen to you, and that you no longer need to hide from the lies that you are not more… you are indeed more….. No matter what you had experienced, no matter what pains you kept to make the decisions you made, I am here, and I will always be here.  I will always give you all the love I have in me to make sure you have the path to heal through this.  Not because I listened and understood your pain, but because I have lived it by touching in you all the pain that one can endure in this existence.  

You lost this innocence, and I am here to help you reclaim it through holding you through it all, touching you through it all… giving you silence when you need it, and giving you a kiss when it no longer seems that you can even feel yourself, cause of the numbness of facing it all.  

In ones existence here they will have a heartbeat that beats for the entire time they are here.  Each beat gives them the opportunity to love deeper than they did the moment before if they can stay in sync with it paying closer attention to it.  It gives this beat as long as we are here.  We forget this, mainly cause of what we see on the outside of ourselves. We lose this path to that feeling of knowing it is real, cause others who we see on the outside don’t stop to feel their own. Yet, when you take the time, and stop and realize it, you know that you are connected to everyone else and everything else. 

I am connected to you and I want you to know everything I am.. the love that is my energy is yours combined to make it ours.  To heal through, to fight through, to pain through, to laugh through, to embrace not just those things in you that you feel locked away into, but beyond that. 

I am here to let you know that true love is real. It is real in me as much as it is real watching a sunset or sunrise and knowing the beautiful places that can also be tragic are love to.

You can’t be lost when you reach out, and I will grab your hand, it is not being lost when you can feel that. Even if we don’t know where we are. What matters most is this very thing. It doesn’t require you to think about what I am saying here.  You should feel the tears come from me as I pledge to you writing this that your tears are combined now.. they have a light all to their own.  It is releasing as long as you hold me tighter through the tears you feel in knowing that I can hear you.  

There will never be a time that I am not connected to you, there will never be a time that I am not in sync with you. I will be completely connected to you beyond any place, form or realm.  Freed is the body you may move in, as the soul comes through to finally realize it is not protected from what can be judgement, persecution, cautious behavior, torture from others who were supposed to love and protect you. 

I will always be that shield for you although it may seem I am not there in the physical, but I am always there inside you to be stronger than you were without me. It is not in ego that you keep me, for that will always make you hear something the mind will say. You now can speak out loud inside and I will hear you. I will heart you.. I will embrace you. 

I will always be here inside you.. not just to know you are, but because you are. 

If I never made the pledge you would not know I was here.

Signed,

Your soul….

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Who are you without self sacrifice?

You are….. I am….

Twin Flame Archives

94a2e113e390f0ecf4de6c15a305f6f3Self Sacrifice…

Hello, I know its been a while since you heard from me, but I am here, waiting, watching and listening. I see the fight going on in you, not sure why the choices you make continue to keep going in circles. Yes you are good enough for this connection, yes you are beautiful beyond measure. Yes I always accept you here in this silence, not because of the love you give me or don’t give me, but because in truth we are stuck with each other. I like being stuck to you, not because of the love you give me in return but the love you give yourself to manipulate yourself in not realizing I am here. When we are connected love flourishes like no other. No outside noise, no interruptions. Just me and you!

I often sit here between what you think you are and what you…

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The complexities of the Twin Flame mind…..

Twin Flame Archives

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The complexities of the twin flame mind….

The overwhelming experience in love in this existence has some very powerful truth to it… It can be that we say that this is wrong, that is wrong, this is right, that is right, and this is about time…….

Time is the one thing that the mind has always done a brilliant job of making possible to keep us from all things love… These conditions whether positive or negative have done such a brilliant job of making those that stop seeing from the eyes of a child, and make this about seeing from the eyes of an adult.

I need more knowledge…. Knowledge for what… To be an expert, to be a conductor, to be the brilliant mind with all the answers… How many answers don’t create more and more pain?

Isn’t this what history has shown us over and over that will…

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What every man should know….. Things to know about a woman!

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Things to know about women!

When she stare’s at your mouth!

[Kiss her!]

When she pushes you or hit’s you!

[Grab her and dont let go!]

When she start’s cursing at you!

[Kiss her and tell her you love her!]

When she’s quiet!

[Ask her whats wrong!]

When she ignore’s you!

[Give her your attention!]

When she pull’s away!

[Pull her back!]

When you see her at her worst!

[Tell her she’s beautiful!]

When you see her start crying!

[Just hold her and dont say a word!]

When you see her walking!

[Sneak up and hug her waist from behind!]

When she’s scared!

[Protect her!]

When she lay’s her head on your shoulder

[Tilt her head up and kiss her!]

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When she steal’s your favorite shirt!

[Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night!]

When she tease’s you!

[Tease her back and make her laugh!]

And when she is ornery!

[Hold her down and blow razz-berries on her belly!]

When she doesn’t answer for a long time!

[Reassure her that everything is okay!]

When she look’s at you with doubt!

[Back yourself up!]

When she say’s that she like’s you!

[She really does more than you could understand!]

When she grab’s at your hands!

[Hold her’s and play with her fingers!]

When she bump’s into you!

[Bump into her back and make her laugh!]

When she tell’s you a secret!

[Keep it safe and untold!]

When she looks at you in your eyes!

[Don’t look away until she does!]

When she misses you!

[She’s hurting inside!]

When you break her heart!

[The pain never really goes away!]

When she’s mad!

[Hug her tight and don’t let go!]

Call her at 12:00am!

[On her birthday to tell her you love her!]

Treat her!

[Like she’s all that matters to you!]

Stay up all night with her!

[When she’s sick!]

Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show!

[Even if you think its stupid!]

Give her!

[The world!]

Let her!

[Wear your clothes!]

Let her know!

[She’s important!]

Kiss her!

[In the pouring rain!]

When she runs up at you crying!

[The first thing you say is; “Who’s ass am I kicking today baby?”  and just hold her!]

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The how….

Quote:The most important, the primordial relationship in your life is your

relationship with the Now, or rather with whatever form the Now takes, that is to say, what is or what happens. If your relationship with the Now is dysfunctional, that dysfunction will be reflected in every relationship and every situation you encounter. The ego could be defined simply in this way: a dysfunctional relationship with the present moment. It is at this moment that you can decide what kind of relationship you want to have with the present moment.

The decision to make the present moment into your friend is the end of the ego. The ego can never be in alignment with the present moment, which is to say, aligned with life, since its very nature compels it to ignore, resist, or devalue the Now. Time is what the ego lives on.

The stronger the ego, the more time takes over your life. Almost every thought you think is then concerned with past or future, and you sense of self depends on the past for your identity and on the future for its fulfillment. Fear, anxiety, expectation, regret, guilt, anger are the dysfunctions of the time bound state of consciousness.

There are three ways in which the ego will treat the present moment: as a means to and end, as an obstacle, or as an enemy. Let us look at them in turn, so that when this pattern operates in you, you can recognize it and decide again.  E. Tolle The New Earth 2005!

What is stated here is simple, when you make a relationship out of time you will not be successful in seeing these things in her and she will need and want you to!  Thank you for reading, and love to you in this moment!

CK

Im Marrying a Cheater!!!

 

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As a Child I dreamed of this Connection, a love no other seemed to believe in, I would daydream about a connection so deep that you could feel physical manifestations of the other person, I dreamed and dreamed and when I spoke of this great love i was shot down,”your living in a fantasy world”. “there is no such thing, its only in dreams”. So thats where I kept it, in my dreams,,,,,, I married for 13 years, it was a “normal” marriage, I divorced dated, and then 2 years of self discovery ended me up in a new city with a brand new start and a fresh outlook on life, and then,,,,,, it all started.

 

I met him, when I saw him, my heart knew something was different, my soul awakened, my eyes were gazing upon the most beautiful man I have ever seen. We spoke and his voice consumed me, his written words were poetry to my ears. The first time my eyes saw him My heart stopped beating for seconds, I could not breathe, Ill nervier forget the fist sight, he was standing/leaning against the back of his car at a place we had agreed to meet at, he wore business attire which He wore so sexy, he was certainly easy on the eyes, I Immediately felt unworthy, I felt this beautiful man could not be here to meet me, but he was and I was falling all over myself. We talked to get to know one another, and time stood still.

 

Time after time he would call the numbers still are etched in my soul when they would show up on the caller Id, my heart raced, my palms would sweat. He had done something to me, we would make plans to meet, always at my place and I would get so excited, I would make sure to be home earlier to shower and prepare myself for THIS meet may be “the one” because every time we met there was ALOT of kissing and making out, and oh my when we kissed it lasted for hours,and well as ironic as it was HE would not “put out”. He never left me unsatisfied, the passion so strong so amazing so deep, however it seems I was on a “mission”.

 

Let me go back for a second and describe a kiss, a kiss I have written about, and he has written about, a kiss so deep, a kiss that awakened that ‘DREAM” I had kept inside of me, I saw inside of his soul, I saw him and I knew he could see me, I knew he he could see “ME”. That scared the shit out of me, why wouldn’t it, I had lived a very messed up life, I had a lot of skeletons in my closet and this fine specimen of a man had the key to the damn door! Let me explain how that feel for those of you who dont know,,,,Its like a serial killer who had a ton of “evidence” in his house and the police were knocking on the door,,,, That kiss made my heart do flips, made my stomach turn in excitement and fear combined. When he left that day I was glad he was gone but never wanted him to leave.

 

The visits became less and less and my “mission” was not complete,,,, and then i began to put together pieces like a puzzle in my mind. He had asked me not to call him as it was a business phone and he got “charged” for calls. He only ever contacted me during the day “business hours”, we only ever met during the day, and his e mails were mostly his writings, writings of sexual nature, fantasies he had in his head, stories of passion and lust and love at first I felt as if he had just copied and pasted them but later I knew they were his writings. I sat in a sinking feeling,,,, he MUST be married.

 

He called for a “visit” and what some would call a “booty call” but i wasn’t getting any “booty”, but THIS was the visit I was going to complete my “mission”, This man who had such a great impact on my soul, I knew was “shady” I know was lying, I had to put my DREAM, back inside of myself, lock it back up and just complete my mission,,,,,, always wondering WHY he would not go all of the way with me? Was i not good enough? Was I not sexy enough? Was I not worthy? Did he have a disease? Did he promise himself he would “play around” but never really go all of the way out of respect for his wife IF he had one? WHY???  What was the problem,,,, I asked him in an e mail, Are you HIV Positive? he laughed and said no im not, I have a clean bill of health,,, so the mission was reinstated,,,, and the visit came and through some really tough persuasion HE gave in to my “persuasion” and mission accomplished. When he was about to leave I looked into his eyes, something was different, something had changed in him, he left and I knew at that moment I would not be hearing back from him. I went on with my life so I thought, there were times I missed him, when the phone rang I would hope, I checked my e mail,, nothing, The only breakdown I had was one fall day,,September 26th 2005,

 

I had confronted him in e mail about his lies,days before, explaining to him what i saw,,, all the signs of a married man,,,,his response was another “fantasy” written out, he avoided my comments and my questions, he was exposed so divert my attention he “thought” he would grab my attention with another writing, I was livid, i was angry, I was hurt and I drove, I drove out to a place very special to me, a Big deck over a lake in a State park, a Deck my Grandpa and my Father had a part in building as a “Community service” project. I went out there often, and although it had been rebuilt a couple of times since then I still feel the craftsmanship my Grandfather put into everything he did. I got there, the wind was chilly, it was almost dark, I listened to the squirrels run around in the leaves, I saw a rabbit, I was a fish jump in the water and I began to cry, I began to scream out loud,,,, WHY ARE YOU LYING TO ME? WHY ARE YOU SO DIFFERENT? WHY CANT I STOP FEELING YOU?? WHO ARE YOU AND WHY DID YOU COME INTO MY LIFE? I HAVE HAD ENOUGH HURT I DONT NEED YOURS!!! IF YOU CAN FEEL ME STOP LYING TO ME AND COME TO ME,,, EXPLAIN THIS FEELING I HAVE EXPLAIN WHY I CAN SEE INSIDE OF YOU!!!  COME BACK TO ME SO WE CAN FIGURE THIS OUT,,,,,  CAN YOU HEAR ME,,,,, I screamed until my throat hurt and I felt as if my tears would flood the lake, I watched as they hit the water down below and I felt as if I was fighting a losing battle, The Universe had played a very bad trick on me.

 

From that moment on everything with his was a game to me, I just knew he was different, the way he touched me, the way he spoke to me, they way he looked at me, the way we connected.

I had to let it go, I had to put this awakening feeling back inside of me, and I did, and i eventually went on with my life and I was right that was the last time I saw him, The time I was able to “complete mission”.The e mails got fewer and fewer. I did not need all that in my life, I met someone else and got engaged, and then out of nowhere a YEAR later a message,,,,A simple how are you doing message and then come everything flooding inside of me,,,HOWEVER  attached with those feelings were hurt and doubt, and A lot of doubt inside of me,,, wait if I can still have “these” kinds of feelings for someone else how could I marry someone? I was a mess inside and it was really all his fault!! Why did he come back into my life?

 

For months we met and talked and time stood still, but this was different as I was on a path of self destruction, it was me against everyone who had ever hurt me, and I grew into something just as bad as I felt he was, He was trying to stand in his truth, trying I say because he was not but I was getting answers, and I loved being in his presence It awakened me further, and the darkness got deeper as I knew he could see me so I had to find deeper places to hide it. I found out that my suspicions were warranted,he was married, however he had not lived with his wife for years, but had lived with someone else for nearly 9 years, so he had a wife AND a live in girlfriend, funny thing though he was still sleeping with his wife,and was lying to her and telling her he loved her and she had hung on for him all those years, all the while living another life with someone else,, and me well I was only one of MANY, he had on the side of his wife and live in girlfriend,in my eyes at that time he was a gorgeous, sexy, womanizing player! But I loved him, however so did many others, I found out he was sending them all the same “fantasies” all the same deep writings, all the ‘lines” only 1 thing was different,,, He would not be intimate with me in entirety. He was living out fantasy in each and every  woman he was with looking for different pieces of his puzzle, looking for something different in each one, he was looking for “himself”. He was hurting so many, and the big picture was the hurt he was doing to himself,,,

I watched him go through a change so deep, I watched as he confessed everything to me, I let him cry, I loved this man, I realized at this moment I was deep in love with him, but my mind would tell me over and over there was ALOT of women in love with this man! All I could do was be his friend, and go on with my life, so I was his friend and i stayed his friend as I watched him cry and confess and do it again to another woman and again to another one, and I watched as he witnessed me “feeling” his pain, I watched him and loved him as his wounds were deep, and his change was hard, he was lost. I knew I could never be with him really,,,Once a Cheater always a Cheater right??? We would confess our love for one another and we would in turn hurt one another.

 

I knew I could never really “be” with a man like this, I could never trust him, I cold never believe in him, again once a Cheater,,,,I married and it was a lie, I was not in love with him, I loved him, But I was not in love with him, I did it out of hurt,I just wanted to be loved and be the “only” one in someones life, and I knew I would have this from this man, I didn’t want to live a life of non trust, already we were connected though I could not deny that, however he would confess his love for me and the same night I could FEEL him with someone else. The Pain was hard to handle, it was unbearable, So perhaps marrying someone else was a way to throw that pain back at him, In turn I realize I was hurting a lot of people as well, I had become him, he just didn’t know it!

 

My Marriage was a mess, no wonder, I was in love with someone else and we communicated daily, We remained friends, as my marriage fell apart, In a night of hurt and to much alcohol I slept with my husband who I was already estranged from, and we conceived,,, I met with my friend and he is the one who told me i was pregnant he could see it in me. It was true, So I was living a lie with a man who I was about to have a child with, and he was still sleeping with others, still lying to his wife, and his live in girlfriend. At one point he had told me to just “come on” just come and be with him and he would raise my child as his own and we would just be in love,,, I thought about it over and over and after an argument with my husband I left and went to him, when i got to his home before I got to the door, I saw in the window and he was in an embrace with his girlfriend and they kissed, i never knocked i went him to my husband, it was what it was, we loved one another deeply but the hurt was to much, but I TRUSTED my husband and I needed that !

 

My friend and I barely spoke during my pregnancy we e mailed a bit and spoke on messenger a bit, but the communication was no where near as before,, He sent my son a gift in the mail and

we just remained friends,,,and just as fast as communication diminished it picked backup again, only this time it was a bit different he was different and I could see something about to happen, I wasn’t sure what. We met and we were “together” only this time beautiful and it was life changing and I knew he was someone I could never be without even if not physically, we were spiritually connected, we loved one another and it was evident.

 

 

We got closer and closer and I knew he was still lying and seeing others, this player was good, I had dealt with a “couple” of the women he hurt and they told me the same stories, “he said that to me too, yes he told me that too!”  uggg this man was toxic!!  and then,,,His mother was found very ill, and I watched him as he lost his mother, it was a very painful time for him, I just remained his friend, I went to the service, sat in the very back row, I just wanted him to know  I was there for him, I didn’t stick around, I left directly after. I saw him the next week and I saw something in him I had not seen before, It was different ! He cried to me, he broke down and the next few months were hell. i watched him die, I watched him split, I watched him fight and struggle, he was honest with his girlfriend who had since moved out, he actually told her he was deeply in love with me and he was direct.

 

He then went through something really really amazingly painful but so beautiful! He was honest with his wife and he started the process of divorce, my husband had long since moved out and finally just simply asked me “why aren’t you with him?” Did I mention my ex husband is a great man? SO we did it we made a go of it but did I trust him?? HELL NO!  when he stated he was in a meeting I requested a “picture” of this said meeting and he always accommodated and he understood!  What we had not addressed was the skeletons I had in my closet!  at this point he was standing COMPLETELY in his truth,he was COMPLETELY honest with HIMSELF and with me about every aspect of his past and his life.

 

We lived together until MY skeletons began to come out and why would he stay with me after all he had been though why would he stay with me he was honest with me he deserved my honesty and i never gave it to him, we separated and he forgave me and we reconnected and it happened again months later and again he forgave me and we reconnected and again, it happened again and he left me, this time for good, I saw it in him, he tried to connect with someone else as did I, I went through the same pain he went through I had to find myself, I had to fall in love with MYSELF, I had to go not my pain.

 

Now as we are both in our truth from this 9 year Journey,, we have been back out to that deck together numerous times, He proposed to me on that deck, standing in the very same place I was screaming for him at, tears fell from both of our eyes in the same water. I am in love with this amazing man and I get to spend the rest of my life with him, We share EVERYTHING we hide nothing from one another, we share a cell phone, we share emails, we share face books, we are together nearly always and when we are not, those very same butterflies I felt in 2005, i feel today when he calls from the store, when he sends me a message from Face book when im sitting right next to him.

 

I trust this man with everything i have in me, I trust him in every aspect! I trust he will never lie to me, I trust I am and always will be his one and only, I trust everything he Says to me. I believe in him, I believe in the Business we have created out of our story and out of what the universe has asked us to do, I believe in myself, I believe our running and chasing was a lesson and our experiences have already changed lives.

 

I sit in awe of this AMAZINGLY gorgeous man everyday of my life, I watch him walk and I smile I watch him type on the computer and I feel lucky, I watched him sleep just last night and I cried, He really is a genuine person, he’s gorgeous, he’s incredibly sexy, he’s honest, he’s true, he’s loving, he’s romantic, he’s passionate,hes kind, he’s generous, hes giving, he provides for us, he’s a wonderful father, he’s compassionate,and he loves me unconditionally and I love him unconditionally, I love him for what he’s been through, what we have been through, and the universe is now allowing us to teach from it.  The honeymoon stage is never ending, inside of me I still have those “forever” butterflies. The dream inside of me is awake and WE ARE LIVING IT! Relationship Reinvented was born from this connection.

 

The old Quote “Once a cheater always a cheater”  could be true, My cheater, CHEATED CHEATING do you understand that????,By going inside of the root of WHY he was choosing those actions, WHY he was hurting people. He went INSIDE, he in a sense took his own life,HE CHEATED CHEATING! and I have this wonderful man in my life, he is still a cheater, he cheated his pain out of staying alive, he cheated his story out of Defining him, He cheated everyone who knows him out of being able to say, “hes still the same old guy” “believe me he’s still lying and cheating”, anyone who knows him now and knows him then is no longer able to say that because they can see it in him! They can see by his actions and his energy that part of him no longer exists. He has cheated that quote out of being true!!   I was on that deck on September 26th or 2005 screaming for him,,,, and I will be back on that deck September 26th of this year Marrying this Cheater and I am the Luckiest Woman in the World!

I Love You Clark Kent

Love Lois

 

Open heart syndrome for the connection you have to yourself and others!

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Defragment your mind to unlock your heart… In connection one of the most profound things that happens can happen and is happening more an more frequently. We are discovering that there is more to connection that we may have missed or ignored. Just as we all share the same thing as all living things on the planet that connect us, yes the heartbeat that gifts aliveness! We know we are connected the same as someone sitting next to us in a restaurant, we know we are the same as someone who is watching a tv show in the home next to us. Then comes something else a feeling of someone who’s heartbeat beats in the same frequency with us. This shared experience can only be felt when the now is all there is and nothing matters, judgments fall to the way side, acceptance is accepted for what we are, who we are, without any exceptions. We fully embrace what is! When this happens the defragmenting will start as some form of counter device to make it not real, or that we don’t deserve it. The lies are in place that we are who we think we are, and therefore permission granted for the mind to state, we will suffer the consequences of the mind that has identified with a story, the story of the poor little me, and I can only be the hero of the story if this feeling in my heart that is shared in this frequency can become the answers to all my problems to mainly remove my horrible past, my horrible way I view myself all based in my own thinking. The truth however is not something that we can accept, which is that we in fact are able to see ourselves brighter in the light, to place into healing, to rebirth or birth into what we are in the truth. The vibration is strong and it is pointing outward, and inward as to say you can’t have this according to human law.. and in truth that is correct. The mind has a story and this story will signify that something you did, or said which can have shame, guilt, etc. Is not able to be exposed. The option for transparency because of self judgement is no longer available, and the fear that comes with it is.. Is the lie for you are stuck as the time traveller replaying events over and over and truly start to see the truth about what is HELL… you can’t see it because of the lies.. But HELL is Repetition ( thought processes based in a story that repeats in the mind and makes you suffer in your NOW).. anything that says hide and keeps you from exposing the defragmenting the mind wants to do to keep you in time has it’s power over you. The curse itself is your thinking and pointing saying it is them and not me and you will repeat this statement till you go deep inside and ask the right question why do I have the same thoughts producing the same actions? The answer is the question and just then when you truly see this, you see the choice to break free by accepting this is what is happening to you, and you can truly embrace this energy and see that by embracing you can find the switch to stop it, and then take the energy and make it something more beautiful. HELL IS BEAUTIFUL when you see it in this way and accept what door is before you that says no more repeating thoughts! It is trying to get you to go through the door which is the connection you can have to yourself! Your salvation in being is seeing that what is being defragmented is only allowing you to put the truth in it removing the lies… So that the truth is imprinted on your soul… You are worthy, you are wonderful, you are amazing, you are lovable, and deeply, and truthfully, permission is you breaking free NOW or not at all. That is what is inside the higher vibration, and higher frequency, the deep shaking motion to break the thinking that binds you, and puts you inside to put the truth that is stated here to become love in a deep states of being. You are the truth! See it to be it, accept it to love it! Connection starts with you and continues with you, don’t let your mind tell you otherwise! Love deeply, Clark