Before you Attack your Partner Look inside yourself!



Doesn’t it seem like when you lay down to go to sleep IF you have mind noise that mind noise continues inside of you one way or another into the next day which is supposed to be NEW! Usually I can shut my mind off and count my breaths or listen to my heartbeat whatever way I can usually shut my mind down and fall asleep and journey into someplace the Universe needs me to be. I remember the last “ thought” I had before falling into sleep. “why do I have to breathe in these toxic fumes, I dont smoke, I never have”  and then it began  the journey inside of myself. i have been soulfully conscious of what I put in my body.


I say soulfully because I had to soul train my mind because my mind LOVES Cake,  Chocolate Cake, White CAKE well any kind of Cake… CAKE IS DAMN GOOD,,, JUST SAYING.


So I had to tell my mind yes mind, your right cake is good,,, but eating the entire cake is not good, you will be permitted to have cake just not the whole damn thing lol. my last Doctors visit was a real pooper, The fact is I am overweight, I feel great because my Soul is Clean, I stand in  my truth at all times, I have nothing hidden, all my dark secrets are out my twin KNOWS who I am, what i stand for he knows all of my truths even the really ugly ones.I realized a long time ago why I carried extra weight, it was for protection, mind noise that no one would want me or try to abuse me as well as physical protection from my secrets, they were buried deep inside of me,,,,All is out now and I simply dont need this protection. Nor do I want IT!


This is all just extra I dont need, So I have vowed to get rid of it, and I am, however over the past couple of days I have went over in calories and have not moved as much as I would like so have felt discouraged, and when I get discouraged I like to blame others for my discouragement its just easier that way lol


So I noticed everything everyone else was doing wrong, when in reality it was my own self I was disappointed in, I went to bed last night discouraged with ME, I dont enjoy the toxic smoke from cigarettes i am a non smoker however my Twin enjoys it and I love him unconditionally and he’s not a regular smoker he smokes very infrequently, HOWEVER I find that when I dont take as good of care of my self he tends to smoke more,,, sometimes this connection goes so much deeper than the human mind can imagine.

I hurt my body the past two days but not continuing the cycle of “physical healing”. He is Physically ill, I am feeling his pain, he is having some kidney issues and I woke up this morning in pain and I WAS PISSED!  (I suppose it the same type of pissed he feels when he experiences my menstral cramps :).


My journey took me inside of me, why I was disappointed in ME, what I had done to get off track, what I could have done different and why I didn’t. There was no blame on anyone else it was ME. I want to be healthy, I want to be fit, I want that for me, for my kids and for my Twin because I Know he feels it, I want the energy that comes with being healthy, I am on the mission to get it.


My mind wanted to blame everyone else for my failures, when in fact I haven’t failed at all, I am still making drastic changes I am still on track when I fall off and consume to many calories thats my fault not anyone else’s. It has nothing and EVERYTHING to do with my twin, does that make sense? It has nothing and everything to do with him. It has everything to do with me, and my mindset and how I see things, It has everything to do with my control of me and how I treat my own body, when I heal so does he, when he heals so do I, When we fall apart physically we have to heal together. When I eat badly he smokes more, when he smokes more I eat badly.


To Heal this I have to go inside myself and find out what it is I am doing to not heal. So I wake up from that message filled Journey and I feel refreshed, ready to start a new day, my son woke me up at 8 am, I felt pain in my back, I was happy to take some of my twins pain, I was ready to get up and  begin a brand new healthier day, when I sat with my son and the smoke consumed me.


I tried to shut my mind down, I tried to not say anything, I hate smoke I always have, I vowed to never be with a smoker and I never was, I would not even date a smoker, so how ironic is the Universe my twin is a smoker, I love him unconditionally and that means loving him and his habit. I never want to Judge and I dont, I never have looked at him differently because he’s a smoker. I love him and if that means loving him while he smokes I do, and I always will.

I usually dont really notice him smoking because he smokes so rarely however the past couple of days its been more frequent.

So I got up without saying anything and just went back to the bed to lie down and fell back asleep for a while,,, and yet another dream Journey,,,What I do effects him, he has been smoking more frequent because I have been not taking care of myself more frequently. I remember a conversation I had with my mind, he has stated he was going to quit I know 20 times.


however I have stated i am going to get get healthy 100 times, to no avail, However this time I took a soul vowel and i am on mission,,,


He knows we are Twins and what he does effects me so why would he do that to us?

well I also know we are Twins and he’s feeling me unhealthy why would I overeat?


Well If he’s going to sabotage us , so am I

so You will be double unhealthy great plan!



I know without doubt when I get healthy he will no longer have the urge to smoke, its how twins work. We get healthy together. Today is a new day my mind is shut off, my ego is not allowed to have a say so in this. I will no longer attack my partner for what he is doing! I will no longer blame him for me being unhealthy!


When I fall off the wagon this is no ones issue but mine, I will no longer blame anyone else, I will no longer look for anyone else’s faults, I will go inside and find what it is I am doing to cause this behavior, It all begins within me, the destruction or the healing, I choose healing!

Love Lois

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Rocky the wonder dog!

What can a dog of 16 years teach you….

This post is dedicated to the love that he gave us… He was one of my greatest spiritual teachers…

I love you Rocky, you are deeply embedded in my soul!  Thank you for showing me the path to enlightenment!

Rocky 08-1997 to 11-6-2013


When you forgive you remember, or you forget the situation?



True forgiveness is not the remembrance of or forgetting of what was..  This replaying of any kind is a hiccup of pain in any case. If you now alter your reactions because of something that happened, you are no more forgiving what happen, then you are truly embracing the pain.  Forgiveness in truth is the end of any and all suffering of what happened.  You let go and give in to what the pain is and allow it to be placing a compassionate gentle unconditional love in the pain itself.  You even make a choice to not have that impact your decisions to give love freely.


Example..  My 16 year old dog Rocky, and our son of 5 accidentally stepped on his paw..  He yelped loudly.. and then gave unconditional love to the 5 year old as though nothing ever happened.  A dog is always showing you this way of unconditional love and forgiveness.  We become trapped in a  thought pattern of what no longer is.. This is why we repeat the same behaviors and never show more unconditional love nor get the concept of what forgiveness is in truth..


In some cases we don’t even see the choice.


Even knowing that this is the truth to forgiveness something in you as an identity feels threatened to ever allow this to be your way of forgiving.  Do you see how one way gives you a longer existence than the other?  What you resist persist!  What you surrender to, opens the door to a love so deep it goes beyond time.  It gives you the answer to time, by removing it and allowing your truth in radiant being to emerge.  Not because you can forgive but you are forgiveness!




What can one do to stop feeling lonely?



First realize the word lonely is a thought process… It usually begins with sentences such as this…  Why can’t… how come… I am.. most importantly know that “I am” is never lonely, only the thoughts about being lonely infect “I am”.. I am is a role of ego that says I am not worthy, or no attention is given, or I lack something that will make me more for someone to be with me.


You then will realize that you are this energy as you gravitate to it.  The power of the word itself is this energy.


This energy is learned as we are infants into becoming toddlers.  We cried when this happened and someone came and embraced us or they didn’t.  Either way we placed a lie in this place called lonely… To cry out in this someone held us, when they didn’t come this energy felt uncomfortable more and caused a great feeling of grief in suffering.  This abandonment is a form of thinking it is not a form of energy as in connection such as when we were finally held.


As you got older in this you either had more moments such as this, or less moments such as this.  Either way is uncomfortable!


Unless or until you realize you are not lonely and embrace yourself in these times you will experience this as a hindrance. You will emit this energy in thought, and so make yourself suffer.


Suffering as placed here is a mental capacity which emits pain in small doses to never remove it. It is food for the ego.. not for the soul.. The soul can’t digest this, and will not elect this as a means to absorb inside of the love you always are.


One has a truth to it the other is the lie… The lie is in the word lonely.

Love Overboard Not Emitting Love Yourself.


Love deeply,