Dear clark, i have no idea what to do with myself. Ive not been one to share my feelings in a long while im mostly back to my old (overly caring self) and thats when the pain hit, the healing is ripping me apart then recovering. How do you stop questioning if someones your twin and hope that you can move on when you know you cant? i talk to him in my mind every day now most of my past is healed i have a fear of how he might hate me. Ive made my mistakes with him, sometimes he behaved really caring and other times behaved as if he hated me. I want him with me, i think of him most of the time sometimes i love him sometimes i feel resentment sometimes i break down for him another part of me tells me if i said i loved him to him the way i do he’d reject me or laugh…say im crazy or something for the way i kept rejecting him. I want him, love him, think the world of him, but scared..more scared than i’ve been in my life (and i’ve been in scary positions) my mind my heart and my soul cries out for him to tell him this. The fear keeps me away i hope to god that he comes to talk, fingers crossed. How do i take away the fear of him possibly cheating on me and the insecurity that he’s slept with physically better? and the hurt at him calling me unattractive? (I couldn’t work out why it tore me apart at the time)
Also clark, this would have been very close to what my twin would have posted…i told him i didn’t believe in twins…told him i wasn’t interested (i’ve totally messed up….
My dear friend,
You have already answered what needs to be done, you stated it here clearly. The truth is stated in this sentence. “How do you stop questioning if someones your twin and hope that you can move on when you know you can’t?” You talk to him in your mind everyday, now MOST OF MY PAST IS HEALED(I HAVE FEAR of how he might hate you.)
The ego is surely the most complex part of the mind, it will state you are not good enough, state you are damaged beyond repair, state you are still in healing and can’t heal fully. This is the way of the minds construct to do the obvious, keeping you from bliss, keeping you from peace, and more importantly staying in a place that the now will always be a chase rather than a state of being.
I can tell you my friend, healing is a constant not a end. If we stop healing we stop seeking the truth inside and will avoid it at all cost. This truth is that you are beautiful beyond any measurement of what you can experience in the world of form. You also are able to not stay in a cycle of mistrust of your own being and how you are connected to it within yourself. One of the most magical moments of being is when you stay connected to yourself. Not seeking anyone outside of it to be something to someone, but everything to everyone because you no longer seek the pain that is unable to be birthed through. What I have left here is not just the path to knowing what is within you, but what you are able to truly feel when you realize you have a thought process that will betray you when you seek the most powerful love you have inside you. The dreams of what were nightmares start to come to life and you will no longer seek yourself in those nightmares but rather the savior of how to make the dream beautiful.
When we connect to someone who can share our vulnerabilities and share in our need to be more, we have to realize that we limit the relationship in connection based on the laws of things we haven’t faced out of fear or out of constant need to survive and protect where inside when this happens we keep this as a lie to never know why or how to remove this block. This block will come out in ways you have stated here. Not as a matter of fact but a matter of consequence.
The rejection is still at the core of fear.. what are you rejecting, who rejected you initially and when do you forgive this person to allow this to heal completely. Yes it happened when you were little and couldn’t make sense of what happened and took complete responsibility for the person leaving your life and now repeat familiar instances when this happens and it gives you the closet effect of fear. You never were able to heal this and in not seeing how you will hold any form of love to a set circumstance to repeat even creating it if the feeling is strong enough. Yes the egoic mode of thinking is doing this as a result of not healing this fear of abandonment and picking yourself apart to pay the price.
As for being together intimately…..
Sexuality is energy and that energy can be developed it is not meant to be used as it is.. it is meant to be more of a connection piece, when all the chakras are aligned this creates the place that nirvana begins and births as a union when shared with it’s direct counterpart it will not matter the sex, it matters the vibrational energy it is giving to you and the other. The connection itself is sexuality, it has it’s ways to bring you to the vibrations that solidify the connection in unison. As a selfish act this goes unanswered and goes to a place that doesn’t merit any real sense of purpose. If you are in this for the physical part the true purpose of it will entirely escape you. You will seek this as a means to experience a glimpse of a feeling you will go to when you leave this form. It is as beautiful as it is as a place of no mind. If you read this answer you can feel something stir in it’s truth. Not because it was just stated in this way but because something in you said yes there is something majestic in it’s action and something even more simple than we make it. Imagine it in this way.. the connection is not about disconnection.. but a glimpse into the moment you no longer feel disconnected. Shouldn’t it be more permanent. Isn’t there something more inside you then just the sharing of what you are giving outside of you. I am pointing to it.. The soul knows this, you know this deep within. You will not need anyone to tell you what this means.. for the answer is in each one of us.. and when two are intertwined within this they feel it for the presence it is! Love deeply friends.. you have the vibrations in you to do so! Truthfully you do!
As for the other part my friend… You are always healing as we all are. It just has to be a definitive choice to see that you will not need to seek yourself in the healing but rather the pain. This is where you have placed something in you that acts as a thorn to keep you where you ego needs to seek doubt. This doubt is not your truth but rather a lie the ego needs to stay in constant demand of what you experience in the world of form. As a patten this can be dictated by you seeking what you do to him in moments that you know he will abandon you. It is as though you are seeking something to bring it to life rather than bringing it to the truth.
Having an honest conversation that states your places of where you are vulnerable will do the most profound things, it won’t make you any less as much as it will only give you more. You won’t see this as it is a form of fear in you to keep you where it wants. This fear is no more real than it is true. Break cycles by sharing this and exposing it to find the real truth. Now remember we all don’t communicate the same yet we do understand fear as a place of familiar with everyone and everything. Admittance of this will set you free and break the cycles that bind you. We are always here, you can email us directly as you run into road blocks.
This was a very powerful question my friend.. and one that has it’s place in this archive you are never without… Your soul…
As for what you believe when it comes to twins.. Before you were here you were in form someplace else, this connection is not something that needs belief it just needs to be accepted. It didn’t have the ego to keep you in a state of remembering and that is where the connection remained vibrational. If when you see this person something in you is struck and it comes from a place of no mind, why seek the connection in the mind, that is why this connection is so very few and very difficult to understand how it connects. This to is the truth what happens in the mind is the messy place this ends up being something it’s wants you to break free of. When this happens we will go through doors together not apart.