As I fell asleep I was before the light of energy of surrender. This light can be described as a mothering presence that seems to be the energy that pulls emotional wounds out of you. I stated “why am I here?” The energy without making noise or sound spoke in such a way that I could only get closer to hear it! As I did I felt it grab me and hold me as to go inside me. It was there that I felt her inside of me hiding, still in some pain, somethings that seemed to let go but not completely as she kept herself ignoring. I could feel each weight being lifted out of me. It would seem that some times when we carry pain or resentment, or any pain that keeps us unhealthy something significant comes and we can ignore. As I closed my eyes flashes of things done and people who I either knew or didn’t know were shown to me. An older man who seemed to be doing bad things was there I felt fear, I felt loss, I felt abused, and I felt angry. As I felt tears swell in my eyes I saw this energy leave my body. It was a weight being lifted. The anger left and I felt release.
I opened my eyes and I saw the man with the hat! He was smiling and shaking his head. Told me to close my eyes it ain’t over. As I closed my eyes I saw a little girl who was hurting she was scared, she was lost, and she was drinking alcohol to just get wasted. She seemed to be in a place where the more she drank the more she would not be able to know who she was. I was then seeing my mother sitting drinking by herself.. In the same way. She was alone and I could see the sadness and pain that was in her. It was spreading and consuming her! As both of these went on, I felt myself wanting to save both, yet as I did, I didn’t move. I felt a large energy inside me growing and growing.. It felt of all the emotion again except more intensified. I didn’t know anything more but just to release this energy but the more I tried to focus on release the more I couldn’t breathe. I didn’t know what to do so I started to panic until I felt a resistance in me say… Surrender! And so I did as I did I felt thunder beneath me and a lightning strike inside me released a giant orb. This orb was black and a really under washed purple color. It looked as though it was just pure fat from a cow that was sick.. It was undesirable to signify how much dark energy it was. I started to push it away and it somehow got stuck to my hands and the more I tried to push the more it seemed to be coming back inside me..
I finally just stopped and in that peace it was removed. I would tell you it passed through me to see if resistance was there but I didn’t do anything.. I felt tears fill my eyes. And I saw a huge blue light that gravitated toward me with the same motion as I reached for it, it seemed to slow and not come any closer as I stopped reaching it continued toward me. I then felt another dark energy.. This energy was larger than space yet more drawn to engulf me if I reached for it. As I stayed peaceful I passed through it and was looking at images of things of pain, a child who was being molested, a child who was being beaten, a child who was hiding in a closet and then a teenager who was throwing up and removing what they ate purposefully. I then saw a young adult woman doing the same thing she was skin and bones and very frail. I didn’t move and didn’t say anything. Then I saw a woman eating, she was eating all the time, I saw the pains being hidden in her from all that she ate. I didn’t know what to do, but I saw a man drinking alone in a bar.. he was sad and was very depressed but was very social after a few in him and he would drink to remove what was hidden in himself, and I saw another woman in a room she was drunk as well, she was laying naked crying and saying why do I do this to myself. Where am I? It was then that the darkness got even darker if it was possible to see a darkness get darker it was that I wasn’t paying attention to the light. I then saw a woman drink herself all day and night and then pray to be taken.. The more intoxicated she got the more her heart seemed to be exploding inside her. It was a true vision of what someone would be like if they died of a broken heart. I still didn’t move, I didn’t say anything and could only keep my eyes closed to see each vision. I then saw a man in a sheet laying on a couch he was the same way he was a bigger guy and I saw his heart do the same. I saw them passing, I saw the amazing attack of taking away ones pain. I chose amazing cause I saw all the pain they felt in them stay in the human form and saw magnificent spirits arise and as I did the darkest moment was only darkest cause a light was exposed. This light was the light of blue the core it was in was peaceful and beautiful. I wanted to move but as I tried I was frozen.. I felt as though I was surrounded by a miraculous light. I was in the orb. I felt connected to everything, but I wasn’t alone. I said inside myself who is there. And I heard her whisper I am. I let it all go. I said all of it. Yes I surrender, it was when she said this I felt an explosion and the Orb that I was in exploded even more it seemed to expand in size, I could move and I could feel it grow to infinite space. I felt a warmth that seemed to be sexual in nature and something even greater came inside me. I felt peace. I could feel the remnants of the experience I felt moments before. I then felt a million orbs at once come into the orb I was in.. it seemed that I was surrounded by infants who were new born and filled with love like no other. Each would come and as to congratulate us.
Us was the feeling I felt! I felt her in all of her essence her form reborn, something in it seemed to be pushing little particles out and was new with each particle that seemed to be expanding. I opened my eyes and I felt something connect to me, something pure, something magical, I didn’t say anything but I realized something magical was occurring.
As I felt myself open my eyes even more I saw her she was in the mirror of acceptance she was talking to herself inside! She was embracing the new space in her that she found. She didn’t have anything to say about what she saw in the mirror but I felt love in her way that she was looking at herself. She was expanding in it and was exploring it with every look. She was reshaping before me in a way that I can’t say as it would make it seem physical, yet it was but it was as though the energy of light was telling her physical self what to do and it was doing it all it’s own. I closed my eyes as I was trying to understand it inside myself yet inside of me was the same thing, I was looking in a mirror. I could see the orbs attach themselves and then go through me. I felt such an energy.
As I kept looking I felt it and it soon seemed to be a brighter light of energy took over. I was feeling blissful. As I opened my eyes again I was in my bed, and could hear the light thunder that was going on outside, it was raining yet I could still see light. I looked at my clock and it was 6:38 a.m. I didn’t want to move but could feel myself almost levitate off the bed. I felt I was flying I felt my arms around you and felt your arms around me. I felt your lips touch my own, I felt your legs wrap around me as you climbed on top of me. I opened my eyes again and those beautiful intoxicating brown eyes were starring right back into me, I could see the light in your eyes and I could feel your energy inside me to the core. I felt a heat! A heat that was so sexual in a deep profound passion. It was a familiar touch yet it seemed to have many deeper places it reached. It was wonderful to wake up in your embrace in this way! I felt you take control of me as I took control of you!
I love you Lois, it reaches far beyond what is known! It is opening my eyes like never before and it is allowing this cemented connection to be beyond itself. I am in soul with you!